The Hound of the Baskervilles (1972)

This bit of made for television fun is yet another adaptation of the classic Conan Doyle novel. This time around it was made as an ABC movie of the week and is heavy with familiar faces from sixties and seventies television. But before I go any further I suppose I should go over the plot, in case you haven’t ever read the novel or seen one of the other versions.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson miss a visitor to their accommodations on Baker Street, but a clue in the form of a cane was left behind. Holmes being Holmes figures out the likely owner and the pair go off to find Dr. Mortimer. He tells them that an old friend has died on the moors near his home due to an old family curse. Seems an ancestor was a bit of an ass and since then a supernatural hound has been hunting and murdering the male heir. With his father’s death Henry Baskerville is now coming home from Canada to take up residence at Baskerville Hall and Mortimer thinks he is in danger.

Of course the idea of an actual supernatural threat is ludicrous, but Holmes does volunteer that both he and Watson act as bodyguards. They travel to the estate and poke around a bit. Sherlock takes his leave to finish another case but in reality uses that to put the real villain at ease so he can poke around unexpectedly. Eventually the guilty party is located, the hound is shown to be a hoax of sorts, and all turns out well for the good guys.

I’m a huge fan of Sherlock Holmes having read everything that Doyle wrote. I’ve never been a huge fan of the book but some of the adaptations have been decent. Sadly, this isn’t one of them. I mean it isn’t terrible but cramming the story into the hour and fourteen minute run time forces them to make some shortcuts. Instead of cutting out some of the less needed things, like the typist and her marriage woes, they cut down the convicts in the swamps. This means a vital clue is deemphasized. One of the things that I love about mystery stories is being able to try and figure it out along the way with the detective. Despite my familiarity with this one or maybe because of it this omission bugged me.

The pacing and the dialogue are okay. I was also happy with the performances from the cast, with one glaring exception that I’ll mention later. Bernard Fox (Hogan’s Heroes, The Mummy) makes an excellent Dr. Watson. We also see Anthony Zerbe (The Omega Man, Star Trek: Insurrection), Alan Caillou (The Ice Pirates, The Devil’s Brigade), and everyone’s favorite William Shatner in supporting roles. These television movies are how a lot of actors kept themselves employed and I miss seeing this much talent and effort put into what are essentially low budget productions.

Shatner is looking dapper!

My only complaint is that the most important character, Sherlock Holmes, is poorly portrayed by Stewart Granger. He should be the most interesting person in every seen but is overshadowed by the actors in the supporting cast, especially Bernard Fox. When your Dr. Watson is more fun to watch than your Sherlock Holmes you have made a horrible mistake!

This being a period piece set in Victorian England the low budget of a made for television movie is painfully obvious. You get a very cheap looking model standing in for an old train. This might have been passable in the thirties, but it is so cheap in appearance that it was bothersome. Also the sets are limited to a couple of streets and a castle that is obviously on a soundstage. When the alien planets from Star Trek the original series look more realistic you know there are issues.

In the end I’ve seen this story told much better elsewhere and because of that I can’t recommend this one. If you do want to check out a much better version may I suggest the adaptation from the late fifties starring Peter Cushing as Holmes. Even better yet is the made for television version from the Sherlock Holmes series starring Jeremy Brett. Either of those are worth a watch.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Pray for the Wildcats (1974)

One of the best things about made for television movies is that if you had a couple of familiar faces the network would pretty much let you make whatever movie you wanted to if you stayed within the budget. Pray for the Wildcats is a prime example of this, but more on that later. 

There is an AD agency trying to sell a powerful and rich business owner on their latest campaign to sell his heavy equipment (think tractors and bulldozers) by shooting it in Baja Mexico. This is because that is the most inhospitable terrain in the world, at least according to the movie. He manipulates the top three guys at the agency into going on a dirt bike ride thru the desert with him because he can approve the campaign unless he sees where they want to shoot it. Because he is so powerful and rich they have to agree and he knows it. 

So off they go but not before we find out that Warren, one of the AD guys, is in the process of being forced out of the agency and is trying to land this one last account. Or that is what he wants everyone to think as it becomes obvious that he is setting up his own suicide to look like an accident so his family can cash in his fat new insurance policy. Warren was also having an affair with Paul’s wife. The evil businessman, Farragut, gets into trouble almost immediately by getting fresh with a hippy girl and then causing both her and her boyfriend to die by stranding them in the middle of nowhere when he is rebuffed. Warren insists on telling the police, but the other guys are worried more about the account. Shenanigans ensue as the previously suicidal Warren is now ironically fighting for his life just to see justice done. 

Now that you have heard the plot let me tell you who the cast is. The two cowardly AD men are played by seventies mainstay Marjoe Gortner (H.G. Wells Food of the Gods) and television dad Robert Reed (The Brady Bunch). Our hero is everyone’s favorite William Shatner! Here he oddly enough is playing the part subdued and without his signature over the top line delivery. We also get Angie Dickinson and Lorraine Gary of Jaws fame as a couple of the AD men’s wives. But the craziest bit of casting must be for Farragut our murderous rich guy who likes to manhandle the ladies. Somewhere someone read this script and said to themselves “We should get Andy Griffith to play this.” What the actual Hell!

What a cast!

The reason that I started by talking about the cast rather then the story is because much of my issue with the plot has to do with the cast. Shatner is actually quite good in his role as the tortured Warren. He just wants his family to be taken care of and has to deal with his guilt over the affair. Despite his flaws when he sees the girl and boy die because of Farragut all his plans go out the window to see that they get justice. That is a decent character arc and is probably the most interesting part of the movie. 

Where things go off the rails for me is Griffith trying to play the heavy. Maybe with better material or direction he might have pulled it off. But here his natural charisma and overall kindly persona makes for a dichotomy between the characters actions and the performance bringing it to the screen that I just can’t get past. He is horribly miscast in the role and without a good antagonist Pray for the Wildcats doesn’t work. Toss in some horrible pacing where we watch them dirt bike across the desert for long stretches and the unnecessary drama with the wives back home for a tedious hour and forty minute runtime. 

I wanted to like this movie both because of the cast and my overall love of made for television movies. But this is a flawed movie that basically misfires and isn’t worth the time to watch. I can’t recommend it but will continue to dig for that next classic made for the small screen. Until then maybe go watch A Cold Night’s Death or The Possessed.

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

The Christmas horror marathon continues with this interesting flick. It is sort of an anthology as it has five distinct stories that somewhat relate to each other while at the same time existing separately. What I’m used to is a wraparound story with different segments running from start to finish. Think Creepshow or Cat’s Eye. This movie does it differently as all the stories take place on Christmas Eve in the small down of Bailey Downs and are told as they happen. Instead of complete stories we get a lot of jumping from one to the other. For the purposes of my review I’m going to spilt up and talk about each segment individually. Also, unlike other anthologies these stories don’t have their own titles. It is all very confusing.

I’m going to start with the least Holiday connected story. Here we have some High School students breaking into the basement of a private school a year after a double murder. We know something supernatural and creepy happened with it because they watch a crime scene video showing how twisted it was. Why do this? They are trying to create a documentary about the killings for a school project. After some background about the history of the school where we find out that it used to be a nunnery where unwed pregnant girls were sent and the tale of one girl that claimed to be a virgin things get creepy. The place is haunted, which the audience knows before the characters. We see the ghost behind them lurking around. After some jump scares, face stabbing, and ghost fetus stuff the segment ends in a satisfyingly creepy way.

Of the five this is probably my least favorite. Other than the characters talking about Christmas and discarded nativity figures this is basically just a ghost story. Though they do sneak a war on Christmas line in there that was funny in a Fox News sort of way. But again, this been done many times. While the jump scares and eventual appearance of the ghost are well executed, I just wasn’t that interested in what was going on. This is also the segment that is hurt the most by jumping around. Just about the time things get creepy we jump to another story breaking any atmosphere and momentum they were building. Still it wasn’t too bad, and I can see some fans really digging it.

Shatner is awesome in everything including this movie!

Next up is a story about a family going to see a distant relative. The father is sort of a sketchy dude who ends up trying to pitch his wealthy aunt on a business opportunity. She isn’t having any of it and gets quite angry at them after the son breaks a statue of Krampus. After sending them on their way they end up stranded after something darts out in the road forcing them into a ditch. They try to walk back to the aunt’s house and in the woods encounter a creature that starts to pick them off one at a time. Sure enough it ends up that Krampus is real and was punishing them for their sins.

This is the first of two spots where Krampus shows up. The makeup effects work is elaborate and while we don’t get to see the actual kills what is implied is pretty gruesome. The characters are unlikeable, which works for the story, and it has a decent twist ending. Plus, they kill a kid! An annoying one, but still that was unexpected and sort of fun. Maybe I’m just a twisted old dude, but I liked it.

The third story has a different family going into the woods to get their Christmas Tree. This story connects back to the first that I mentioned in that the police officer from the crime scene video is the Dad. Jumping a fence to get a tree from private property the parents lose track of their son. When they finally find him there is clearly something wrong with the kid. It only gets creepier when they get home as he stabs his Dad with a fork and gets inappropriate with Mom! After a mysterious phone call and finding her husband dead Mom decides that the kid is a changeling and needs to be taken back to the woods. This leads to some weirdness involving the guardian of the creatures.

This is the only of the stories to have a happy ending as somehow the evil murderous changeling decides to give the mother back her lost son after she does him a solid. The story gets sort of vague and isn’t terribly logical, but then again monsters living in trees that can look like humans should make you suspend your disbelief. We also get a cool bit of gore with the kid playing with a lopped off hand, which I’m sure didn’t scar the child actor’s emotional well-being at all.

Zombie Elves... man they creep me out!

Next up comes the most recognizable face in the movie. In the background of some of the other stories we hear a radio D.J. named Dangerous Dan talking. This is the great William Shatner who spends his entire segment sitting behind a microphone riffing on the holidays and picking on the weatherman at the station. Not only does this create the loose timeline connecting the other segments but it becomes very important in the big payoff of the movie. This includes him talking about the food drive at the mall where one of the kids from the first story I talked about was supposed to volunteer. At some point a terrible thing happens at the food drive and hostages are taken. How does this connect? That would require some spoilers that I’m not going to give.

Santa vs. Krampus... it had to happen!

This leads to the final story and my absolute favorite. Santa Claus is at the north pole working with the elves to get ready for Christmas. One of them develops a cough and starts cussing up a storm, which shocks everyone. Then he dies, but elves can die, and sure enough he comes back as a zombie! The other elves become infected and before you can say Romero Rules, we have Santa fighting it out with a horde of potty mouthed zombie elves. Head and limbs go flying as Claus does battle with the living dead. But how did this happen? The big payoff is when Krampus shows up to do battle with Santa. Yep the creature from the second story was behind the death and reanimation of the elves in an effort to destroy Christmas once and for all. Or was he?

There is a huge and awesome twist at the end that I never saw coming. I probably should have but I totally missed an important clue. I’m not going to spoil it here and hope that you end up missing it too because it makes for a great ending. I hadn’t heard of this movie until it showed up on Shudder and after watching it I don’t understand why. My only complaint is that they didn’t present this in a traditional format for an anthology and cut all them together. It takes a bit away from the movie but I can live with that. This is a blast and will get added to my must watch Holiday movie list. Yeah, I know I’m weird… I highly recommend A Christmas Horror Story.

© Copyright 2018 John Shatzer

Road Trip to the Canton Palace Theater – Twilight Zone Fest

This is the first time that I’m writing up a trip to the Canton Palace Theater for the horror dude blog, but it won’t be the last. The Palace is one of my favorite places to watch movies and has a wonderful history. Opened in 1926 the Palace has a lot going for it, including still having its original pipe organ. Nothing like seeing a classic silent movie accompanied with live music! If you live in or near Canton Ohio you should really check them out. Their website is http://www.cantonpalacetheatre.org/

I’ve attended many great events, but this is the first Twilight Zone Fest that I’ve attended (might be the first time they have done one). They showed four episodes of the classic series with a break after the first two for trips to the concession stand and the prize raffles. I didn’t win any prizes, but I did get some candy and soda at the concession stand. Not that anyone cares about that. Let’s talk about what they showed.

The first of the night was The Fear. Here we have a city girl who has escaped to an isolated mountain cabin after having a nervous breakdown. The episode starts off with a police officer stopping by to check up on the woman, Charlotte, after she was heard mentioning some strange lights she saw by her cabin. She is a bit of a snob to the officer but as he is getting ready to leave there is a large flash of light. Things start to happen and soon they are faced with the threat of a giant alien who seems to be toying with them. But this is the Twilight Zone so of course everything isn’t what it seems to be.

This is a decent episode that I don’t remember ever seeing before, but I’ve seen similarly themed episodes. No spoilers but if you are a fan I’m sure like me you can think of at least one famous example. What does stand out is the cast. Here we have Peter Mark Richman of Friday the 13^th part VIII infamy as the police officer, Franklin. But the real treat was seeing Roger Corman favorite Hazel Court on screen as Charlotte. She is awesome in most everything that I’ve seen her in and this is no different.  Not a bad way to start the evening.

The next episode up was Nick of Time. This is my second favorite Twilight Zone episode to feature William Shatner! Here he plays a newlywed who is on his honeymoon. He and his wife have car problems and end up in a diner waiting for the repair to be finished. While there they find this little fortune telling machine with a devil’s head mounted on a spring. One of those novelty things that you just don’t see anymore. Put a penny in and it dispenses a card that will answer a yes or no question. This being the Twilight Zone of course the thing seems to be accurate! Soon Don, Shatner’s character, and his wife are caught up in letting the machine dictate their actions. Well Don is at least. His wife tries to talk some sense into him.

I’ve seen this one before and I’ve always thought it was a good. Not classic like having a gremlin tearing up your plane, but still good. This episode was also penned by the legendary Richard Matheson so it isn’t any surprise that the dialogue is sharp and the story has a great ending that is both happy and sad. We only get a bit of the “Shatner” acting that he later became famous for. Honestly people forget that he was a solid actor that did a lot of work pre-Star Trek. The lights came up after this one and it was time for intermission.

After fortifying myself with some Good and Plenty as well as a Diet Coke I found my seat and was ready to watch Mr. Dingle, the Strong. Here Burgess Meredith plays a failed vacuum salesman who is given super strength by some aliens as a test. He goes from a zero to a hero overnight. Being a simple man he uses his strength to show off and do tricks, which is what the aliens expected from him. They eventually take his strength away, but don’t worry he is attractive to all sorts of visitors due to being totally unremarkable and below average. The episode ends with Dingle being tested again.

This was the weakest of the bunch. Similar to Shatner in Nick of Time this isn’t the Twilight Zone episode that Meredith is famous for. It is weak in comparison to that classic. Here Meredith barely seems to be putting any effort into his performance and phones in his normal mild mannered weak character. The highlight for me was the little cheer that went up in the audience when Don Rickles popped on screen as one of the bar patrons that tortured poor Dingle before he got his strength. I dig the respect given to a legend! I also had a super nerdy moment when I recognized Douglas Spencer as one of the aliens as being everyone’s favorite newspaperman in the original Thing.

One more to go before it was time to pack it up and head home. They saved a classic for last with Eye of the Beholder batting clean-up. Even the most casual fan of the Twilight Zone probably recognizes the “shocking” ending to this one. The episode follows a woman with her face wrapped in bandages. She is apparently horrible to look at and is in the hospital for one last attempt to treat her disfigurement. If it fails she will have to live in a settlement with the other disabled people. The fact that all of the other characters, doctors, nurses, orderlies, etc. are only seen in shadows should let you in on something. The bandages come off and she is beautiful, but also ugly to everyone else who look like pig people! Get it Eye of the Beholder?

Even having seen this one many times I still enjoy it. It has a clever twist ending and the makeup of the “normal” looking human beings is iconic. There is also the Serling touch, he wrote this one, of making the society in which this happens have a totalitarian feel to it. The loss of freedom and individuality were reoccurring themes in many of the episodes he wrote. I’ve also always found it ironic that they used one actress for the performance under the bandages but then used Donna Douglas, who is admittedly stunning, after they come off. Given the point of the episode isn’t that a little hypocritical? Or maybe that was the point.

This was a great night out at the Palace Theater. I’ve attended many events there and have a couple more planned for October. I feel very lucky to have such a great historic theater that is still in the business of showing movies as well as hosting special events like this. I can’t wait for the next one!

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer