My Best Friend is a Vampire (1987)

Every October I hit up my local big box retailer to see what manner of impulse purchase I can make to add to the annual movie marathon. Most of the time I regret my decisions. This year I made two purchases, one that I regret and this one. I suppose that is a spoiler of sorts but honestly, I’m always down for some cheesy eighties’ horror comedy mashups.

Our main character is Jeremy who we first meet while he is having a wet dream. Hey man it was the eighties! He is crushing on one of his classmates, Darla, but everything in his dream goes sideways when a mysterious lady shows up. After seeing some high school shenanigans, we follow Jeremy as he delivers groceries, yes that was a legitimate after school job back in the day, where he meets the woman of his dreams. No seriously her name is Nora, and she is the woman who interrupted his teenage fantasy. She invites him back at midnight for… well things that I guess we thought were funny and acceptable in the eighties but would now probably get her on an “offender” list.

With the encouragement of his horndog friend (another staple of the eighties) Ralph he goes back. Before things get too naughty she bites him and a vampire hunter, played by David Warner, busts in. Jeremy makes his escape, but it seems that his lady friend is dispatched and now they are on his trail. The rest of the movie is him dealing with his new powers and learning the rules with the help of his new vampire mentor Modoc. All of this is happens while he tries to date Darla and with the hunters on his trail. Silly things happen and we find out that inexplicably no one died and being a vampire isn’t so bad.

I haven’t watched this movie since the last time I rented it in the early nineties. I remember it being a harmless bit of cheese and I’ve got to say my opinion hasn’t changed. Both the humor and horror are tame with this being a PG rated flick. That means no over the top scary effects and no nudity. The pacing is solid with the characters being introduced quickly before the movie then jams them into the predictable storyline. Not once was I bored. Though the flipside to this is that I didn’t remember much about the movie before rewatching it and will probably forget it quickly again. My Best Friend is a Vampire follows the formula and checks all the boxes but does so in a strangely forgettable way that just isn’t going to stick with the viewer.

I assure you this was how the cool kids dressed

If there is one outstanding thing about the movie it has to be the cast. Our lead is a very young Robert Sean Leonard who has gone onto do movies like Dead Poets Society and television like House. There is also a weird Star Trek connection with the previously mentioned David Warner as the vampire hunter as well as Rene Auberjonois as Modoc. Both of these men have had amazing careers before and after this movie. Kathy Bates of Misery fame has a small role as Darla’s mother. Speaking of mothers Jeremy’s is played by the amazing Fannie Flag. Not only was she an excellent actress and author but was also a semiregular on my favorite gameshow of all time The Match Game! Finally, we have the actress who plays Darla. Her name is Cheryl Pollak and had a brief but memorable career starring in movies like Pump up the Volume (a personal favorite of mine) as well as the recently review Night Life. It seems weird that with all this acting talent that the movie is so generic.

I can’t imagine needing to watch this again for another few years so I’m not sure I can recommend purchasing the new Blu-Ray. But if it pops up streaming somewhere or better yet if you can find an old VHS on the cheap then it is worth a look.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Frostbitten (2006)

The movie kicks off during World War II with some German soldiers fighting in Ukraine. They end up spending the night in what they think is an abandoned farmhouse, but being a horror flick it clearly isn’t vacant. After the sun goes down something crawls out of the basement and starts to attack them. Though we don’t find out until later there is only one survivor. Before you get mad this isn’t a spoiler as it is pretty obvious what is going on. Anyway the action moves to the present day.

Dr. Wallen and her daughter Saga are moving to a small town in Sweden so that she can work at a hospital. She moved her daughter and herself to such an isolated place to work with Professor Beckert, who is doing genetic research. Once they arrive it becomes clear that things aren’t what they seem to be. First off, the professor is a bit weird and mysterious only having a single patient. Then there are the interns at the hospital that seem more interested in goofing around and taking drugs then they are their education. If that isn’t enough Saga gets invited by the cool girl in town, Vega, to a big party. Mysterious research, party drugs, and cool kids… how could that go wrong? Well it does and in a very entertaining and bloody way!

I’ve had this one in my “to watch” pile for a couple of years. I thought that with my annual Halloween movie review marathon in full swing it was time to check it out. I’m glad that I finally did so. Before I proceed, I want to acknowledge that this isn’t a perfect movie. It is low budget and that shows at times. The ideas and gags are also not terribly original but executed well enough to be fun.

The story is familiar but moves the action along briskly so that the ninety plus minute long running time flies by. I was impressed by the volume of characters in the movie and how well the story juggles them. In addition to Saga and her mother, whose plotlines veer off from one another before reconnecting, we also get some comedic stuff from a couple of cops on patrol. Many filmmakers toss too many characters into the mix and end up with a mess that is impossible to follow. Here they clearly had a well-defined script and stuck to it. If you have read my stuff here at all you know that I hate it when movies meander clearly not having a clue where to go next. With Frostbitten I was engaged from start to finish.

The party gets bloody

Visually this movie is stunning at times. With the setting of perpetual night along with how they light the interiors bleeding out all of the colors from the background this looks like a much more expensive flick. We also get a neat trick of seeing someone delivering flowers but in shadow, so it looks like something else is happening and an amazing shot pulling back out of the cabin thru the window and looking into the night sky. That last one was done with a CGI assist but is good enough and ambitious. The special effects work is solid and the vampires look decent. But be aware they mostly use digital to achieve this. The kills are sort of tame and there was a bit too much digital blood but overall the results are okay. Again with the resources they had I can cut them some slack.

My favorite gag has to be the talking dogs. In this movie’s universe when you go bloodsucker you can chat with your canine friends. They have a lot to say and are quite funny! If it isn’t obvious yet I enjoyed Frostbitten and am going to recommend it. I can’t find it streaming here in the states but there is a pricey DVD available. Not sure if I can recommend dropping thirty or forty bucks on it but if you can get your hands on it cheaper, I think that this one is worth a watch.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Tales of the Third Dimension (1984)

Movies like Tales of the Third Dimension is why I continually dig thru piles of crap looking for that diamond in the rough. I suppose that is a bit of a spoiler to lead with, but I can’t help myself. This direct to video (at least that is what the sources I have found say) is a prime example of the sorts of oddball regional flicks that were made in the early days of the home video market. This one being shot in North Carolina is an anthology, has some 3D gags in the wrap around, and is generally just silly. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The movie kicks off in a cemetery where a coffin pops open and a skeleton named Igor sits up. He speaks just like Rod Serling and sets the stage for the upcoming story as well as popping back up in between to introduce the others as well as wrapping it all up in the end. Along with Igor the cemetery has two groups of vultures. A pair that are imitating Laurel and Hardy and a trio that are clearly the Three Stooges. We get some comedy from them in each segment, and I can’t lie I laughed more than once at them.

All of this is brought to the screen with puppets that while not the greatest do get the job done. Additionally there are a few 3D gags with things popping out at the viewer that aren’t terribly distracting. Just to be clear I watched this on VHS without any 3D. That also explains the title of the movie if you think about it. Though ironically none of the stories use it at all.

Before I continue, I need to warn you that my reviews are going to contain some spoilers. I tried to figure out how to explain why I like this anthology so much without ruining any of the plot, but I couldn’t sort it out. You already know that I dig this flick so if that is a deal breaker stop here and track yourself down a copy. Cool? Okay now we can get to the good stuff.

The first story is titled Young Blood and has us following a pair of co-workers as they take an unconventional home visit in the evening to vet a potential couple for adopting a child. This is Dudley and Ms. Marquette. There is some talk of Dudley wanting her job, which is important later, as they drive to a creepy old house. When they get there it is obvious due to the cape, and bad accents that the Count and Countess are vampires. Dudley protests but Ms. Marquette clearly is under their thrall and agrees to bring them a child.

The next scene is her returning the following night with a young boy. While the Countess takes him upstairs to settle in the Count drains Ms. Marquette as a reward for her help. That seems like a bad deal to me. What is an even worse deal is when it becomes apparent that something is up with their newest acquisition. Seems that the kid is a werewolf and after killing the vampires is picked up the following morning by his father… Dudley! Guess he got that promotion.

Our host Igor!

This will be a theme for all these reviews of the individual segments, but the budget is clearly very low. Though they had a decent location, which helps sell the story. The vampires have cheesy clothes, and the fangs are costume store quality. We also don’t see the werewolf much at all as they keep it hidden. Given the lack of resources that was probably a good call. The pacing is solid and takes just enough time to setup the situation so that the twist pays off. This is my second favorite of the three.

The second story is titled The Guardians. It begins with a horse drawn hearse delivering a body to a funeral. This is to introduce us to Nigel, the gravedigger. After he has finished his job he returns to his home to find a couple of his “friends” waiting for him. Freddie and Charley have a few drinks and ask about the woman he just covered up. Specifically, about her jewelry. You can probably see where this is going. They have decided to become graverobbers and dig her up for some easy cash.

Not satisfied with this score they decide to go back and force Nigel to tell them where the hidden entrance to the catacombs under the old cemetery is located. Why? Well that seems like a much easier job then digging them all up you see. After some violence they find it and discover that there are a lot of rats… rats that like to eat people! You might have figured this out already, but it doesn’t end well for the pair. 

Of the three stories this was my least favorite. It isn’t bad but was fairly generic with a twist that you could see coming a mile away. I also feel like I’ve seen this before and done much better. Though again I must point out that the locations for this with the cemetery and tunnels were surprisingly good for a lower budget production. The only other thing of note here is the appearance of Leon Rippey (The Patriot, Eight Legged Freaks) as one of the grave robbers. He is the only recognizable face from any of these so that was fun to see.

The third and final segment is called Visions of Sugar Plums. This one was the strangest and in the end my favorite of the bunch. It is the week before Christmas and a young brother and sister are dropped off at Grandma’s house. Mom and Dad are headed out for a vacation in Hawaii and have left the kids at home. They don’t seem too annoyed by it though since Grandma is a nice lady. When she takes her pills that is. When she doesn’t she apparently becomes a homicidal maniac! Guess who ran out of pills?

Festive homicidal granny!

The rest of the movie is the increasingly crazy old lady yelling at the children before finally snapping on Christmas Eve. It is at this point she grabs a shotgun and starts to chase them down. Make no mistake she is trying to murder them both. When she runs out of shells it seems that they are safe from the wheelchair bound woman. That is until she grabs the hedge clippers! It looks as if they are doomed when she corners them and gets ready to trim their limbs all the time cackling maniacally. Then Santa Claus shows up and kills her by shooting her keister right up out of the chimney and into a nearby field!

For much of Visions of Sugar Plums I wasn’t feeling it. The story drags a bit as we slowly see her lose her mind. I also though the child actors weren’t good enough to carry the story, which they were asked to do. But when the weapons get broken out and the chase through the house begins things did pick up. And that ending, which comes out of nowhere, sealed the deal for me. I damn near fell out of my chair but in a good way. This immediately became my new go to Christmas horror movie or at least this final segment did.

Is Tales of the Third Dimension a great movie? Not at all. But there is a charm to these low budget regional movies, at least when done correctly, that I get a kick out of. This one is a perfect balance of decent storytelling, passable acting, and a tongue in cheek sensibility that appealed to me. I’m shocked that I hadn’t heard of this before but am so glad that my pack rat self picked up a copy and held onto it. I also understand that this is one of those “holy grail” tapes that collectors are always looking for. I can completely understand that. It might take some doing but if you can find a copy, I highly recommend checking it out.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Slayers (2022)

Here is a movie that slipped right past me. I’m a big fan of Thomas Jane so when I heard that he had done a comedic vampire flick where he plays a hunter trying to stop an ancient clan of vampires from killing a bunch of social media influencers, one of whom is played by Abagail Breslin, I was intrigued. But then the fact that I hadn’t heard of this movie should have been my first clue that something was wrong… horribly wrong.

The movie begins with a voiceover telling us that vampires have been with humanity since the beginning of time. For that entire history there have been hunters doing battle with the vampire “families” or maybe clans. They aren’t terribly clear as to how they are organized but it does feel a bit like the mob. After that introduction we are introduced to the Stream Team, a group of social media influencers who have been recruited by a powerful couple, the Rektors, to represent their new miracle cure all. They are enamored with all the money being tossed at them, but of course it is all a trick.

Apparently the Rektors are vampires, and they aren’t completely immortal but need to transfer themselves into new bodies. They have targeted a couple of the influencers as their new receptacles with the others being food! Flynn, a professional gamer, and sister to one of the “destination” influencers, is saved by Elliot. He is the hunter who tried to warn them off and when they didn’t listen now has to try and kill all the vampires and save who he can. We also get a flashback to his daughter being killed by a record executive vampire years earlier. If you were wondering, yes it was a Rektor. Let the mayhem begin.

There was an interesting idea here, but it was executed terribly. The entire movie feels disjointed with the action stuttering along the duration starting and stopping and then starting again. When there isn’t violence happening, we get long stretches of painful dialogue that seemed to go on and on. Even when the action is happening it isn’t executed all that well. The fights are lame and the gore even worse. The kills are basically offscreen with the occasional CGI generated blood spray. The vampire makeup is also generic and overall it feels like an underfunded and rushed product. When I was doing research for this review, I did find out that the movie was made during COVID which might explain the lack of budget and no effort to do any practical effects work at all. I’m thinking this was a small crew due to the pandemic.

The only time Slayers is remotely interesting is when Thomas Jane is on the screen. He is playing the character of Elliot Jones very tongue in check. It is almost like he knows what he is making and is just having fun with it. Abigail Breslin is completely wasted in a small supporting role that gives her nothing to do. We also get an appearance from another familiar face in Malin Akerman, who I promise you will recognize from movies like The Final Girls and The Sleepover. Both of which are way more fun than this one. They had some talent in front of the camera to work with and wasted them all. That is disappointing.

I also got a weird anti-Vaxxer vibe to Slayers that I didn’t see coming. I’m not sure if that was meant as an inside joke or if there was some agenda behind the scenes. It doesn’t impact the fact that I didn’t like this movie I just found it… odd. Toss in some weird YouTube commentary (the final fight is streamed live and folks I guess are watching and commenting on the stream) and some Batman ’66 style sound effect “bubbles” for a strangely uneven and unappealing package. There is a reason this was under my radar, and I honestly wish it had stayed there. Not recommended.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Lust of the Vampire (1957)

The movie kicks off with a body being fished out of a river, supposedly in Paris. We see from a medical examiner that it has been drained of blood… like the others! Then we meet a police inspector, Chantal, and a reporter, Pierre, who are investigating the crimes. Pierre is also pursued by the most beautiful woman in town, Giselle. Got all that straight? I hope so because now is when it gets complicated!

Pierre starts to unravel things and figures out, and I’m honestly not sure how, that the killings are related to a powerful family, the Du Grands. Giselle is a member of the family, and we find out that she is desperate to make with the romance when it comes to Pierre. We also get to see a girl get abducted and meet the mad doctor, his assistant, and the junkie that they use to grab their victims. Initially it also doesn’t appear to be a monster movie as the victims all had the same blood type and the blood was removed with a needle/syringe. But in the end, we find out that Giselle is really old and only remains young by having the doctor drain the blood from other ladies and transfusing it into her. How does this happen? Science I suppose.

I wanted to like this movie. Hell, I only watched Lust of the Vampire because I read that Mario Bava stepped in and finished it. He wrote part of the script and directed a couple of days’ worth of scenes uncredited. But the plot is a mess. I mean the bones of the story is there, but the characters seem to drop in and out as well as making crazy leaps of logic without explanation. Why does Pierre suddenly know that the Du Grands are up to something bad? Other than him not liking their castle and how Giselle pursues him there isn’t any reason. This and other odd logic loopholes had me scratching my head in confusion rather than getting into the story and characters. I also wasn’t a fan of them showing us the identity of the kidnapper in the first five minutes. I thought this was supposed to be a mystery. I guess not.

The pacing is also glacial. I know that some folks online talk about how great this movie is, but I don’t get it. There are long stretches of dialogue that go nowhere. Like I’ve already mentioned they never explain the actions of the characters and you would think a few lines of dialogue would be dedicated to fleshing out the story. Also how did the doctor come upon his youth restoring process? And why did Giselle become his first patient? I know they are related but she seems to have some hold over him and that is never explained. Again, it is really confusing.

For this review I watched the original dubbed version under the Lust of the Vampire title. I know that there is an American cut with some extra scenes with Grandpa Al Lewis… how the hell did that work? That release is titled The Devil’s Commandment. It might be better, but I can’t imagine taking the chance after having already killed an hour and a half on this version. Clearly I’m not recommending it.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Road Trip to the Drive-in – Vin and Nic double feature!

After a few aborted attempts to make my way to the drive-in, the weather in Ohio never cooperates this time of year, I finally got to watch some movies outside under the stars. I do love my local drive-in theaters and yes I’m lucky to have a few around me. Within a forty minute drive I have three, but my favorite is Magic City, which is where I managed to catch a double feature of Fast X and Renfield. 

I got to Magic City early enough that there wasn’t much of a line. I was a bit concerned about it being the Sunday before Memorial Day, but it wasn’t too bad. Though cars kept arriving after I was parked and even during the first twenty minutes of Fast X. After getting a primo spot I headed off to the snack bar to pick up my traditional treat. While they still have cheeseburgers and hotdogs, I’ve always been partial to some tasty hot pretzels with nacho cheese. Since I’ve missed out on a couple of weeks due to rain, I thought I’d pick up a couple of them. Yeah, a lame excuse but I’m a grown ass man so if I want to eat badly then I can! They were quite good in case you were wondering. 

After some previews of coming attractions our first movie of the night kicked off. Say what you want to about the Fast and Furious film franchise, but I like it. These flicks are all about fast cars defying gravity while being loud and dumb. That last bit doesn’t just apply to the action sequences either. Fast X checked all those boxes with returning characters, including one in the post credits scene that surprised the hell out of me. Don’t they hate each other? Then again, these movies are a virtual license to print money so I suppose they were able to bury whatever beef they might have for a fat payday. 

Without going into too many details and spoiling the flick I can say that this movie was decent. In fact, my only real complaint is that it ends on a cliffhanger that will have to wait a couple of years for them to resolve in the next and supposedly final entry. Though at some point during production I thought they said Fast X was the big finale. Confused? See my point above about how much money these flicks make. 

After a brief intermission where I used the men’s room it was time for Renfield to start. This movie has been out for a while but since I don’t do brick and mortar theaters anymore this was my first chance to check it out. I remember this one catching my attention when I first heard that Nic Cage was playing Dracula. I’ve been loving his recent output (Willy’s Wonderland is killer) and was looking forward to it. Honestly though this was a mixed bag for me. 

The movie is at its best when Cage is on screen chewing up scenery. He plays an excellent, scary Dracula all while still being a bit quirky. This leads to some funny lines of dialogue and a lot of blood and guts. Hell, even when he isn’t on screen there is a ton of gore happening. Arms getting torn off, throats ripped to shreds, as well as Riki-Oh style x-ray shots showing organs and bones getting pulverized are just a few of the highlights. Some of this is practical effects work but even the CGI is done well enough that it is a good time. 

But when the movie is focused on the titular character things slow down a bit. I don’t blame the actor, Nicholas Hoult, as he is very good in the role. It is just that the script doesn’t give him much to do other than be mopey and spout off self help nonsense he learned in his support group. He also gets a love interest in local cop Rebecca, who is played by Awkwafina. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of her but she is legitimately good here despite also not being given much to do. There is also a criminal family that gets zero development and almost feels like a late addition to the script to setup the finale. So, we have good gore and a decent cast that is let down by an underdeveloped script. I’ve seen this story done much better in the Pittsburgh lensed Innocent Blood. Still, I was happy to have caught this in the drive-in and not waited to see it streaming at home.

As the credits rolled, I packed up my stuff and headed home. It was a beautiful night to watch some movies under the stars and an even better one for a nice ride home. I sincerely hope that the weather is good for a few more trips this summer and that the double features are appealing. If I head out again I’ll post them here. I’d also love to hear from you guys about your favorite trips to the drive-in. Until next time keep watching crappy movies!

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Two-Fisted Tales of Times Square by Pete Chiarella

Okay before I start off with this review, I want to be transparent and let everyone know that Pete is not only a frequent collaborator with me but is also my friend. That said I’m not going to give him a free pass and will treat this review like any other book review that I have or will do in the future. Anything else wouldn’t be fair to you the reader nor Pete.

Tales is a collection of short stories set in and around the environs of 42^nd Street back in the seventies and eighties. They cover the gamut from ghosts and werewolves, to corrupt cops, and mobsters. While I enjoyed all the stories, I’m going to highlight the ones that I found the most fascinating and fun. With this out of the way lets jump right in.

The Acquisition is a tale about a pimp named Omar who goes overseas for some new “talent”. That is a fancy way of saying he collects himself a lady vampire who they chain up and charge customers to do what they want with her. Omar is more than a little sketchy and eventually greed as well as the need to feed Lilith someone other than the paying customers causes things to get a bit dicey. Lilith eventually gets loose, and things get bloody. The moral to the story here is that you never ever piss off a vampire! I loved the supernatural bits as this is a much different take on vampires than I’ve seen before. The “monster” here isn’t the undead but the scumbag Omar. That was a fun twist.

Retribution is a fun ghost story… well maybe not fun. Candy is a working girl who is kidnapped, brutalized, and murdered by a serial killer. She can’t move on and eventually finds a drunk named Joe who can hear her. She talks him thru stopping the killer and saving his latest two victims. This is a shorter story coming in at seven pages but is another cool story and something that I’ve not seen before. 

The third story I wanted to call out is The Fixer. This has a recently paroled mobster named Vince getting out of jail. We get to see him doing some collections and making bank. His work is noticed and soon he is fixing things for all sorts of folks. I’ve always been a fan of mobster movies and stories so seeing a low-level guy doing his rounds was fun.

There are also stories about a werewolf hitman that actually is mostly just about him being a hitman and not a werewolf. That was an unexpected twist but was cool. There is also a cool bit with an old theater and a slasher movie that causes some issues for a pain in the ass kid. Another story has us following a repurposed location that used to be a peep show but is now a burger joint. That one is a lot of fun.

There are also some characters that pop up in multiple stories as Chiarella uses them to establish a common world where all these events occur. There are crooked cops, an unfortunate former massage parlor employee (she maybe should have stayed put!), a pair of mismatched hustlers, and of course a cool dog. Between the setting and these characters all the stories in Two-Fisted Tales of Times Square fit together nicely. That means they can be consumed one at a time or you can sit down with the book and read them in one sitting. Either way this is a lot of fun. I recommend checking the book out. If you want to get yourself a copy email Pete at mr42ndstreetpete@yahoo.com 

 

Ó Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

 

The Last Man on Earth (1964)

This is another one of those movies that I had thought I’d covered for the site ages ago. I’ve been watching The Last Man on Earth since I was a young’un in the seventies. Spoilers I really like this flick, though I do have one critique that I’ll mention later.

The world has been devastated by a plague that kills most, but some come back as vampires. Or at least that is what they seem to be. They don’t like their reflection (mirrors), are repelled by garlic, and can’t stand the sun. Also, there are crosses on our lone survivor, Dr. Robert Morgan, but they aren’t talked about. Seems like vampires to me. The movie kicks off with Morgan waking up and going about the daily exercise of being the last man alive in a city of monsters. He drops off some bodies in a burn pit, goes to the grocery store, picks up some fresh garlic, gets gas, and then hunts down some sleeping vampires so he can stake and then burn them. He is on a one man mission to clear the city of them.

After a close call when he falls asleep while visiting his dead wife’s coffin, we get a flashback to a pre-plague world. He was a respected researcher who was trying to figure out a cure. Clearly, he has failed! But it gives us a chance to see him lose all his friends, his daughter, and finally his wife. Then it bounces back to today, three years after everyone died, and he sees a dog. I won’t tell you how that ends because it is sad. But because of this encounter he also sees a girl… in the daylight. Maybe he isn’t alone after all. Some more things are revealed before we get to the ending that shocked some but not anyone who had ever read the book this is based on.

This story may seem familiar as it follows the standard survivor under siege formula that we are all used to. The key here is that The Last Man on Earth as well as the book I am Legend are the genesis of this type of plot device. Even George Romero came out and said that this movie was a big inspiration for Night of the Living Dead. If that isn’t enough to make you want to watch this, then I don’t know what else to say. Oh, wait I do.

Watching our character wander around the abandoned city going about his business of day to day errands is very disturbing. Especially when the nonchalant behavior continues to the killings of the sleeping vampires. They never spend any time explaining why he is do dead set on wiping them out when that seems futile as he is only one man in a large city full of them. This is especially so when we see that every night when the sun goes down, they lay siege to his home and are unable to get to him. So why is he so bloodthirsty? Is he just bored? Not explaining to the audience is a cool choice and over the years I’ve gone back and forth in my mind about Morgan’s motivations. When a movie engages me and makes me think that is a good thing.

For most of the movie we are just watching Morgan, which means you need a good actor to pull it off. They cast the legendary Vincent Price in the role which alone makes the movie worth it. Price is the sort of actor that can make anything he is in better merely by being there. His screen presence is equal to anyone before or since and he can make any line or situation believable. Well maybe not any. My only real complaint is that as much as I love Price, he isn’t an action star so when he is running around doing battle, which is quite a bit, I wasn’t totally buying into it. Then again, the quiet moments work so well that I can forgive The Last Man on Earth for this. He also sells the ending which I’m not going to spoil here.

You can keep The Omega Man and I am Legend, which are both versions of the same source material. This is the one that feels closest to the book which I’ve always loved. This is in the public domain and available everywhere. Take some time to check it out. I think you are going to dig what you see.

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

Super Hot (2021)

I saw a trailer for this on Amazon Prime and immediately was interested. It looked like one of those quirky low budget horror comedy flicks that I might enjoy. I had some issues streaming it but a few months later I remembered and tried again. It obviously worked this time.

The movie kicks off with some sketchy guys trading a book for some scarabs. I’m not sure what that is about since they never explain it. The ladies who get the book kill one of the guys and the leader casually walks by and tells him he is lucky that he isn’t her type. I suppose this is to show us that they are badass killers. After this we are introduced to Jackie, a delivery driver for Super Hot pizza. She is on her last day of work and at the end of her shift she hangs out wit her friends Sam and Kevin. We also find out that Jackie has a crush on her neighbor Carmen, who is moving into a sorority house.

The ladies from before are the sisters living in the house with Carmen. It becomes obvious that they are up to no good when they try to spike Jackie’s drink. Sam saves her but in the process the leader of the ladies, Monica, sends someone after them. For whatever reason they want them back at the house. Well, okay the reason is that they have a ritual they want to do that will grant them eternal life. But I think that they are already vampires… I’m really confused about the rules. They have fangs and supernatural powers but can also walk around in the daylight. Eventually a Van Helsing shows up and the bodies start to drop.

Vampires out in the daylight?

My biggest issue with Super Hot is that they never establish the “rules” for their vampires. Like I said it isn’t obvious until one of them pops fangs that they even are that. I mean do vampires age because that is their motivation for getting the book and capturing their victims. I get that this is a comedy and is playing it for laughs, but you still need to have a story that makes sense. This movie feels more like a series of improvised nerdy conversations that are loosely strung together by a faulty narrative about vampires, rituals, and resurrecting Dracula. Oh yeah, that is the goal of the ritual.

I did enjoy some of the nerdy stuff like shopping for action figures and talking about recasting marvel movies if they were made in the nineties. It feels a little bit like a Kevin Smith flick, only without the heart.  Still there are some laughs so they did the comedy well. My favorite gag is when Dracula shows up and has some old-fashioned ideas that our modern female vampires aren’t okay with. They don’t want to just be the “brides of Dracula” you see. The character of Warren Van Helsing is also fun, and he has some great lines. But it is also obvious that they are trying to do some world building as characters are introduced and go nowhere. Like his faire lady friend who is keeping his guns for him. There is clearly more to this story. We even get a stinger at the end that he will return with Sam in another adventure. I get the idea but maybe make the first movie good before trying to expand.

The kills are very disappointing. You get some snapped necks, a shotgun to the chest that cuts away quickly, and lots of offscreen stuff. The best of the bunch is a cut back to one of the vampires after a grenade belt blows her in half. You get to see the actress lying on the ground with her guts dangling out. Simple gag to pull off but it works. Other than that, there is nothing here. Again, I get that this movie was leaning into the comedy, but you still need to have something for the horror crowd.

I’ve been hard on Super Hot. It had a lot of potential and at times was fun but overall, it feels like a missed opportunity. I don’t hate the movie and if you are interested, I’d say give it a shot. That said I think this same sort of idea was far better executed in I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker.

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

Grave of the Vampire (1972)

This along with Blacula and Count Yorga is one of my top three “drive-in” vampire flicks. I’ve been watching this one for years having first seen it on a local horror hosted late night movie show. That transitioned to VHS and then to those budget public domain DVD sets. Of course that means it has always been a beat up and neglected print. But now the folks over at Shout Factory have put out a remastered Blu-Ray with some deleted scenes. Damn I’m excited to check this one out!

The movie opens in the forties with a couple sneaking off from a party to have some sexy type shenanigans in a nearby graveyard. That ends up being a terrible idea because a vampire named Caleb Croft climbs out of his coffin drinks the fella dry and has his way with the lady. She gives birth to a son who is part vampire and nurses him. Though she eventually dies. The action moves forward to the early seventies with the now grown-up boy, James, looking for his bloodsucking father to get some revenge for what was done to his mother.

He does eventually track him down and signs up for his class, Croft is teaching night classes of course! This leads to some murders as Croft does away with an annoying college girl who has figured out his secret and a love triangle of sorts. See James’ lady friend is the spitting image of Croft’s dead vampire wife. All of this results in a séance, more murders, and a twist ending where James puts his father down but with twisted results.

Again, I’ve always loved this movie. Long before Blade we had James the day walker half-vampire half-human. The late great William Smith is excellent as James Eastman playing the character with the right mix of brooding and anger. Michael Pataki is fantastic as Caleb Croft oozing evil as he murders his way thru the cast. He isn’t the tortured type forced to feed but seems to enjoy playing with his food. The rest of the cast is solid.

The story is paced well without any slow spots. Every scene we see is there to move the plot along and either develop the characters or set us up for something twisted that will come along shortly. More than once the movie does something unexpected, mostly due to the unpredictable nature of the Croft character, so you are always guessing as to what is going to happen next. I also thought that the idea of him fathering a half breed was a neat take on the vampire myth. Sure it might not seem so unique now, but for the early seventies this was unexpected. I will admit that there is an odd jump with new characters being quickly introduced for the séance which sets up the ending. But I’d rather they just dive in and keep things moving along briskly then spend time setting up more characters that are just there to be killed off.

This new Blu-Ray has a fantastic transfer which allowed me to appreciate how well Grave of the Vampire was shot. There are so many shadowy scenes that I can actually see now and while it never bothered me in the past this allows me to enjoy the movie that much more. I was also impressed with the deleted scenes. Most of the time these are just bits of dialogue that were trimmed out for pacing reasons. But here the scenes are extended lingering shots of Croft dispatching his victims. While not overly gory they do have a disturbing vibe to them, and I can see why they were trimmed initially. Though it is sad because we lose some excellent bits with Pataki. The guy was clearly having a blast playing Croft.

Grave of the Vampire is one of those rare flicks that has aged well. It is great to see a company spend the time and money to clean up and give it a proper release. I highly recommend it and can say that the new Shout Factory Blu-Ray is the way to watch it. I don’t often recommend people go buy physical media anymore, but this is one of those times that you should.

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday - Blacula Blu-Ray Article

note: I had a column in Grindhouse Purgatory where I would cover new Blu-Ray releases with a focus on special features and if it was worth double dipping aka. replacing your DVD copy. Blacula is a favorite of mine so when I saw it get released on Blu-Ray I knew I had to check it out. 

The Blu-Ray report: The Blacula Series

by

John Shatzer

Every time that we get a new home video format I watch as the companies putting out movies run out of material. They end up digging up all sorts of obscure films to fill their inventories and when that fails they start to re-release stuff we already have. As a movie fan this can be both fun and overwhelming. Do I double dip on a Blu-Ray, or don’t I? What about the releases I’ve never heard of? Well fear not good readers I’m back again to help you out with the Blu-Ray report.        

Last time I did Spaghetti Westerns so I thought I’d stay in the Drive-In but check out some classic Exploitation, specifically Blaxploitation. Seeing the new Blu-Ray double feature of Blacula and Scream Blacula Scream sitting in my to watch pile was all the inspiration that I needed for this decision. Time to dive back in and see if the efforts by Shout Factory has made the purchase worth it. Be warned that my review will contain spoilers. If you don’t like that sort of thing stop reading now!

            It makes sense that I would watch the movies in order so the first that I popped in was Blacula, released in 1972. If you haven’t seen this movie shame on you! Things start off with an African Prince visiting the powerful aristocrats of Europe in an effort to get the slave trade stopped. He and his beautiful wife have the misfortune of having supper with Count Dracula! Things go sideways and Dracula makes the prince a vampire solely it seems to lock him in a coffin and have him suffer hunger for all eternity without being able to feed. He also tosses the prince’s wife in to die a slow death locked in the tomb unable to help herself or him. Dracula is kind of a jerk!

            Years later a couple of interior directors buy the contents of the castle and ship it back to the states. Sure enough they crack open the coffin and Blacula gets loose. He goes off feeding and creating his own little army of vampires. Eventually he sees a woman that looks like his long dead wife and decides that she has been reincarnated. The rest of the movie is him pursuing her while being hunting by a doctor that has figured out vampires are running around town. Not going to spoil the ending, but I will say it doesn’t end well for our vampire prince.

            I’ve always been rather annoyed with how Blacula and its sequel get treated by many horror fans. Maybe it is because the title implies that this is just a gimmick that plays on the name of Dracula, or perhaps the lack of quality of some of the movies that were “inspired” by Blacula. That said people really need to give this movie a chance. It has a great cast, some good scares, and the makeup effects are decent for the limited budget. William Marshall is amazing in the lead role of Blacula. The guy has the sort of screen presence that allows him to not only carry the movie, but command his scenes in such a way that makes the character seem larger than life. Considering he is the lead in a horror movie this is key to making the movie work. Marshall is also the sort of actor that can make his monster sympathetic. There is a beast inside him that takes over, one that exists because of what was done to him and not because of his choices. This is a theme that is dealt with more in the sequel.

            There are some decent scares and creepy bits in the movie. The first is when Blacula slowly stalks up on the decorators after they have let him loose. This could have been silly but it is shot in such a way that it works. This is also a prime example of Marshall owning the screen and being intimidating. A couple more highlights are a sequence in the morgue that I liked a lot. It is stylized with a vampire bursting from a door and has always been a treat for me. Finally, there is a bit with them digging up a corpse to prove the vampire theory. Best jump scare of the film right there.

            While the makeup in a vampire movie isn’t as important as say a werewolf or zombie movie it can still wreck things if it isn’t done well. Blacula has very simple look with the expected fangs, grayish skin, and in a neat twist more hair. When Blacula or any vampire is about to feed they get really hairy and bestial in appearance. When Blacula gets angry he gets very animalistic and damn near growls at his victims. It plays into the idea that there is a wild creature inside the vampires that escapes and takes over when they feed or get angry. I’ve always thought that this was a neat idea and wonder why more vampire movies don’t do it. Way better than the sparkly teen heartthrobs…

            Okay so now time to get to what you were all waiting for. Is this worth a double dip? First thing that I noticed before I even popped the movie in is that both are on one disc. That made me wonder how many special features we were getting. Truth is for Blacula not much. By now I don’t think that anyone considers the trailer and a photo gallery to be special features, though they are listed as such. The only other item is a commentary track with film historian David F. Walker. Honestly, he doesn’t bring much to the table. Everything that he talks about is easily found on the web and probably already known by the fans. There are also a couple of spots where he gets a bit “snarky” that annoyed me. The best thing going for this release of Blacula is the transfer. It isn’t perfect but it is noticeably better than my Midnite Movies double feature.

My final thoughts on Blacula is that from start to finish it is a solid horror flick that holds up really well more than forty years after it was made. If you have the same Midnite Movies DVD that I do this one is worth picking up for how much better the movie looks. But then this isn’t only about Blacula so let us take a look at the sequel.

The success of Blacula lead to Scream Blacula Scream in 1973. Given how final the ending of Blacula was I wondered how they were going to bring him back. I mean the ending was satisfying and in some ways sort of redeemed the character. Thankfully instead of the oops someone pulled the stake from Dracula’s heart bit that we always seem to get in the “other” classic vampire franchise the writers here are far cleverer.

Things kick off with a power struggle in a voodoo cult. The leader dies and she passes over her son in favor of a woman that she took in and trained. Her son, Willis, decides to get some revenge and is given some bones by a mysterious man. Using his magical powers, he brings Blacula back to life to use against cult. Only right away Blacula turns the tables and makes Willis his servant. If that isn’t humiliating enough for poor old Willis he has to watch as Blacula befriends his rival and asks her to use her power to free him from his curse. All he wants to do is return to his people after being rid of the beast within him.

The more I watch these movies the more I feel like Scream Blacula Scream is superior to the original. The story is even tighter and doesn’t have to spend any of its time explaining the origins of the vampire. Marshall is even better the second time around adding more depth to the character of Blacula. Between his performance and the writing, the audience gets the impression that again he is trying to fight his curse and wants to be free of it. But then again there are other times where he seems to revel in his power over his minions. There is a duality to the character that is more noticeable in this second outing. When the ritual is interrupted by the heroes coming to save the day Blacula becomes so angry that the woman he has recruited rejects him as being beyond her help.

I mentioned minions in the above paragraph and wanted to elaborate some on that. One of the highlights of this sequel is seeing Blacula interact more with the vampires that he creates. We get a brief bit in a warehouse in the first movie but here the other vampires get more screen time, especially Willis who is Blacula’s first snack after being brought back. I liked seeing these interactions because they reinforce the conflict within Marshall’s portrayal of the vampire. At times he is brutal and at other times he shows mercy. Though in the end he basically uses them all as sacrificial lambs to shield him from those trying to stop the ritual. Even in trying to redeem himself he damns himself. There is a lot of depth and thought put into the script and performances which is why these are such great movies.

Marshall is again brilliant in the role of Blacula for the reasons I’ve already mentioned above. This time they doubled down on the cast by adding familiar faces like Pam Grier who plays Lisa, the woman trying to help him rid himself of the curse. She gives her normal solid performance and is an asset to the cast. I also liked Richard Lawson as Willis whose jealousy gets the ball rolling.

I clearly enjoy Scream Blacula Scream. But what about the special features? Again, we get photos and a trailer. Though this time around there isn’t a commentary track. Instead we get a decent interview with Richard Lawson. It is less than fifteen minutes long but I thought it was a much better bonus than the commentary. He actually worked on the movie and could speak about the cast, director, and what the set was generally like. When I think about special features this is what I’m expecting and while there is only the one interview I’ll take it. I’d also like to note that the transfer is again an improvement over my old Midnite Movies double feature.

Finishing up this installment of the Blu-Ray report I’d recommend picking up the new Blacula double feature disc from Shout Factory. While I wished they had more interviews and other goodies the transfers are likely an improvement over what most of us already have. And of course, we get the Richard Lawson interview which is a nice extra. Best of all the Blu-Ray is cheap at around fifteen bucks. Worth the investment I’d say.

Well that is it for this installment of the Blu-Ray report. I hope that I was able to steer you away from wasting your money by pointing you towards the good buys. If you enjoyed this please check out my blog at horrordude.blogspot.com for more of my musings on all things movie related. As always please feel free to email me at gutmunchers@gmail.com with any complaints or compliments! I’m always eager and ready to converse with another movie fan.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

The Curse of Nostradamus (1961)

I’ve had some success with Mexican horror movies in the past. Mostly those Santo flicks, but they made some other fun stuff as well. I saw this one and thought I’d take a chance. Before I jump in, I did want to say that this is the movie made by distributors from what was I think a serial that ran in theaters in Mexico. It has been cut up and dubbed for the U.S. television market. If my experience with this sort of thing is correct, I doubt it resembles the original story. Okay with that out of the way let’s get to it. 

This can get confusing so stick with me. The son of Nostradamus is a vampire who has been angry that people have been criticizing his famous father. The son is also named Nostradamus, but also goes by Ericson. He has been waiting four hundred years to get revenge on the men who were enemies of this father. Though I suppose they are all dead so instead he focuses on a Professor Duran. He just had a big conference where he debunked the supernatural and superstition. Our vampire visits him and picks some random mail off Duran’s desk. Seeing the name and address he promises to kill that man. A promise that he fulfills. 

He returns to the professor and shows his power. He won’t kill anyone else if the professor will just recant his position and admit that some superstition is real. Because there is a vampire in front of him that can do spooky stuff. He refuses and the vampire keeps on killing folks, each time asking for the professor to clear his father’s name by admitting the supernatural is fact. It all ends with a big showdown after Nostradamus gets mad and kidnaps Duran’s daughter intending to kill her. He ends up buried and everyone lives happily ever after. 

Of course, that is except for all the people that died because the professor wouldn’t admit what was in front of him! Seriously throw the vampire a bone! It isn’t like you are lying because you just saw a vampire killing people. That is the biggest issue that I have with The Curse of Nostradamus. Our supposed hero could have saved a lot of people if he had just swallowed his pride and admitted he was wrong. This really makes little sense and weighs down what is also a very slow movie with giant gaping plot holes. I’d like to think that the source material, the serial, made a bit more sense and it was whatever hack that reedited it which came up with this convoluted and downright dumb plot. 

On a positive note, the movie is very pretty. This black and white flick is gorgeous and shows that there was some skill behind the camera. Between the lighting and locations, it is pretty movie to watch. This is with me watching a beat-up old VHS rip. Not sure if there is a better copy or even if they original Mexican serials are out there somewhere. I certainly hope so. One of the highlights is a scene where the vampire steps out of the shadows seeming to appear from nowhere behind the professor. This is clearly all on set and in camera. I still can’t figure out how they managed it, but it was awesome. 

Sadly, I still can’t recommend this movie. The plot and pacing are so terrible that it was a chore to get thru. Though the fact that I found a new to me bit of Mexican horror after watching as many as I have gives me hope that there are more out there to find. Just not this one…

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Dracula vs. Hitler by Patrick Sheane Duncan

The title of this book caught my eye as I was poking thru my to read pile. It sounded like it could be some exploitive fun and I had just finished some heavy reading, so I thought ‘What the Hell’ and dove in. I wasn’t expecting much but I’ll be damned if this wasn’t a great time. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

The plot of this book is straightforward. It is set during World War II, specifically in Romania near Transylvania. Van Helsing and his beautiful daughter are members of the resistance doing their best to sabotage the German war effort. To that end the British send a couple of agents in to help them, including the grandson of Harker who stopped the vampire alongside the elder Van Helsing! They do battle with the Gestapo, but when things heat up and begin turning against them the decision is made to release Dracula. See Van Helsing didn’t destroy him but instead imprisoned him with a stake thru his heart.

So, the vampire is released and while annoyed at being trapped for so many years decides that he dislikes the Germans even more than his old foe. Plus, he is not only free to, but encouraged to vent his bloodlust on them. Eventually the Nazi’s figure out that a vampire is running loose and that brings Hitler himself to see Dracula, who they have captured. This leads to a prison break, lots of dead Germans, a close call for old Adolph, and a twist that I admittedly saw coming but still enjoyed.

I enjoyed the heck out of this book, as I’ve already said. The story is told thru a series of journal entries, an unpublished novel, and reports back to Berlin by the local Gestapo thugs. This could have ended badly as the narrative keeps switching between characters, but Duncan handles this with an expert touch. In fact, it was fun to hear events from different characters as their voices come thru clearly in the writing. This made the characters, both good and bad, jump off the page and that itself made the book even more engaging. There is a lot of action in this one and the story never drags.

The attacks are laid out in brutal fashion and described with some glee by the author. Arms, legs, and heads are severed. Necks are snapped and mundane things like guns and explosives are used to dispatch the “bad” guys. If you want some gore in your horror novel, then Dracula vs. Hitler is the one for you! I was also pleased at the detail used in setting the historical scene. Of course, being such a fantastic tale, some liberties are taken, but as a history nerd I couldn’t nitpick the book at all. I love that so much attention was paid to the small details including uniforms, equipment, and dates.

There is one thing that didn’t bother me but might disappoint others. Beware that spoilers are coming. Don’t get mad at me I did warn you. Okay… ready? Dracula and Hitler never actually fight. They are in close proximity to each other, but someone always intervenes at the last minute to prevent an actual showdown. Though given that Dracula is an immortal undead creature it wouldn’t be much of a scrap. Still, it was something that I thought I’d mention.

I highly recommend this book. It is one of the best blind reads that I’ve had in a long time. I had no idea what I was getting and what I got was great. I’m going to be on the lookout for more material from this author. Do yourself a favor and track down a copy. 

 

Ó Copyright 2021 John Shatzer