Throwback Thursday - Horns by Joe Hill

note: This review was written over twelve years ago for another project I was working on. After rereading it and doing a bit of clean up before posting it here I have to say that I still really enjoyed it. Joe Hill has gone on to become one of my favorite authors and has certainly carved out his own path separate from his famous father. I should also get around to covering the movie adaptation as well since I also very much enjoyed it. Now onto the review.

This is the second book that I’ve read from Joe Hill and I have enjoyed the heck out of both of them. In this one we follow three main characters, Ig, Merrin, and Lee. Ig and Merrin are a couple and when the book opens up it is a year after Merrin’s body has been found. In that year everyone believes that Ig killed her. He wakes up on the one year anniversary of her death with a set of horns on his head. These horns make anyone that he talks to admit their deepest secrets, no matter how terrible. Quite by accident this leads Ig to the surprising truth about her death (just a hint he didn’t kill her…). So who killed Merrin? What will Ig do with this information? And just what the heck are up with the horns growing out of his head? All this unravels in a satisfying and enjoyable way.

And I do mean that. This is one of those books that had me hooked right away. Hill tells the story in a series of flashbacks wrapped around what is presently happening to Ig. Not only do we get some of the story from those telling Ig terrible secrets, but he also discovers that when he touches someone he can experience their memories. This is a neat narrative trick for Hill to use because it allows us to see the story unfold thru the eyes of several different characters. In the case of one of them it becomes quite obvious that while they are delusional, we the reader can see how they twisted things around in their head. I found that this made the characters all the more interesting.

Since I’m on the subject of the characters I have to say that Hill does a great job of making them feel real. They jump right off of the page and I as a reader felt invested in their fates. There were times when I was actually worried about what was going to happen to Ig. I’m not easily taken in by characters, even when I like a book, so I was obviously hooked. This was one of the reasons that I was glued to the book and unable to put it down. I cared and wanted to see what happened to them next. Even the supposed “bad guy” had a backstory where it was not forgivable but sad to see what life had done to put him or her in that situation. 

At first, I didn’t like the story jumping around from past to present back to past, but without giving anything away there is a good reason that this happens. There is a point where the action very cleverly wraps back around on itself as a couple points in time intersect. Between this, the identity of the killer, and a twist that I should have seen coming but didn’t had me smiling and satisfied when the last word was read. 

I don’t know what else I can say about Horns without spoiling what makes the books so much fun to read. Joe Hill is quickly becoming a must read author for me and I look forward to checking out his collection of short stories which I have on my eReader already. If you get the chance to check out either Horns or Heart Shaped Box, I encourage you to do so. He is a talent that we all will be hearing about for years to come so get in on the ground floor! 

© Copyright 2024 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday – The Gathering Dead by Stephen Knight

note: This is another book review that I wrote a decade ago. I did read more of Knight’s books after this one and remember enjoying the heck out of them. That said I don’t think I reviewed any for either my website or any other projects I worked on. At least there aren’t any in my archives.

The dead have risen and are quickly overrunning New York City. An elite team of soldiers is sent to bring a man named Safire and his daughter out of the city and to safety. Safire has some research that might help control the plague that is threatening to destroy the world. The team manages to get him on a chopper, but the dead still take them down (in a most gruesome and clever way…). The survivors end up trapped in a nearby building and looking for a way out. The bodies continue to pile up as the zombies take their toll on those still alive. Do they get the man and his precious knowledge out in time? Well I’m not going to spoil that.

Okay so this is one that I took a chance on. It had great reviews on Amazon and the Kindle version was really inexpensive. I do love some zombie fiction and am always on the lookout for a new series to dive into. Most of the time I'm disappointed, but it is a book like The Gathering Dead that makes the other misfires worth it.

The pacing is insane. It opens up with the rescue team making their way across the city to Central Park where the helicopters are waiting to get them out. Right from the start you can see that the characters are going to be heartless when the leave a woman and her child to the zombies. They have a single-minded purpose and that is to deliver their package to safety. This is a slightly different spin from most of the zombie fiction that I’ve read with survivors just trying to stay alive and sometimes hold onto their humanity. Not to say that there isn’t some hesitation and guilt in their decision. The characters are well developed and given unique personalities. The military characters could have easily been caricatures but instead Knight gives them some definable personalities within the limits placed on them being soldiers. This also leads to a backstory which itself provides some tension as the group moves it way across the city. 

The gore and zombies are presented in a way that I think fans will like. They shamble around in large groups and are dangerous with their sheer numbers. That is a very “Romero” approach which I dug. We get some suitably “sticky” deaths, but the author doesn't linger on them. Though I would have liked him too it does serve to keep the action moving along. Since that is one of the biggest strengths to the book, I can’t argue with that and it keeps the reader engaged. Staying within the framework of the traditional zombie as a monster Knight does toss in a few twists of his own. One of which is a nightmarish idea that had never occurred to me. Again I don’t want to spoil anything but lets just say skyscrapers won’t ever look the same to me again!

To sum things up, great pacing, fun characters, satisfying zombies, and some good twists on the genre make for a good read. With the current zombie craze I’d love to see this book made into a nice and bloody movie. Then again they would probably put a pretty boy like Brad Pitt in it and ruin a perfectly good story.  That said I highly recommend The Gathering Dead.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday – The Conqueror Worms by Brian Keene

note: Earlier this year I posted another old review from a Brian Keene book, Dead Sea. I’ve read a lot more of his stuff, but I think these are the only two that I actually reviewed for the old Gutmunchers site. I certainly need to revisit more of them as I’ve never been let down by his books.

This is a very interesting novel from a writer that seems to be cranking out some decent genre related fiction. The story centers around an elderly man named Teddy Garnett who lives in a small town in West Virginia. We quickly find out that one day it started to rain and never stopped. While everyone in his neck of the woods is already gone and most of the surrounding towns are under water Teddy and a few of his neighbors are still hanging on refusing to leave. After more than forty days of rain everything is soaked and there is strange mold growing on most of the remaining animals and trees.

As if this disaster of biblical proportions wasn’t bad enough the raised water levels have driven some rather large earthworms to the surface. We are talking house-sized earthworms that seem just a bit aggressive. Part way into the story Keene has a helicopter full of additional characters show up and immediately get shot down by one of Teddy’s less sane neighbors. This allows Keene to introduce another group of survivors from a city on the East Coast. He tells their story of sea monsters, Satanists, and their eventual escape from the hotel that had been their home just before everything came tumbling down on them. It allows him to broaden the scale of the story and add some fun background to the end of the world. The final act of the book is Teddy and his new friends trying to fight off the horrors that are coming up from beneath the ground under their feet.

I find myself going thru long stretches of time where I end up reading book after book form the same author. The Conqueror Worms is probably the third or fourth book I’ve read from Keene, and I have to say it is one of my favorites. I’m a big sucker for the end of the world survivor type of books where you are introduced to a cast of characters, only to have them picked off one at a time. But the key for this type of story is that you need to really care about the characters, or at least have some sort of vested interest in what happens to them. Keen does a great job with The Conqueror Worms in establishing the characters, giving each a unique background and personality. When they start to get picked off it means something to the reader. I also think the idea of breaking the story of Teddy in half and wrapping it around the other survivor’s story makes for a much more interesting book and helps with the pacing of the story. 

If I have one complaint about much of Keene’s work it is that he has this nasty tendency to end all his stories ending on depressing notes. Everyone is always either dead or doomed. Traditionally that is a fine way to end a horror movie, story, or novel, but it sucks when it becomes predictable. The Conqueror Worms hints at an ending like this but does leave the door open for a potentially happier ending. I appreciated that slim ray of hope for the characters.    

In the end I found this effort from Keene to be an entertaining and fun read. At just over three hundred and twenty five pages it is an easy read and well worth your time. I recommend tracking yourself down a copy of this one.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday – The Nestling by Charles L. Grant

note: I had completely forgotten I had an earlier run in with Charles L. Grant as an author. I’ve covered a couple of his Oxrun series books here and here. While I enjoyed those, I didn’t like The Nestling at all. I don’t think I ever got around to reading the Raven. I’ll have to check and see.

Jason Clarke is a reporter from back east that is summoned to the valley he spent part of his childhood in by a desperate relative. There is something wrong in Windriver Valley. First there were the animal attacks and then the deaths started which only adds to the tension between the Whites and Native Americans, who infused suddenly with cash started buying up ranches. The Native Americans buy them, but don’t work them cutting off the only source of money for the town. The local businesses, all owned by whites, suffer from the lack of money coming in from the closed ranches. Jason’s relative, Galen, expects him to sort out what is going on and tosses him into this powder keg. This in spite of the fact that Jason and his mother were run out of town after his father was killed after going on a bender. Jason realizes before most everyone else that there is something way beyond a simple disagreement or conspiracy and that that valley has been targeted by something evil. 

I had heard good things about author Charles L. Grant. That combined with the nice blurb on the cover from Stephen King (yes, I know you should never buy into those) convinced me to pick a couple of his books up from the local used bookstore. I haven’t read the other book yet, but I honestly have to say that I wasn’t all that impressed with The Nestling. The story is interesting and I’m always up for a good horror story that integrates Native American beliefs and folklore. But there are a couple of things that just killed the book for me. First of all there are just too many characters in the book and it gets really hard to follow who is who. Again and again I had to backtrack to figure out what character just got killed or beaten up and how they relate to each other. Really there are several minor characters that have their entire families mentioned in passing with the reader supposed to make those connections later on. If you don’t then the story makes no sense. What makes it worse is when you get the to the end of the book only to find out none of this mattered as it has little to do with the story and resolution! 

My second problem with the book partly relates back to the first. Like I said there are too many characters, but if that weren’t bad enough the book jumps between different characters and storylines constantly. Now I will give Grant credit all the various storylines do end up connecting in the end but this constant jumping between characters and story made The Nestling a very frustrating book to read. Just about the time that I had some interest in a character or had gotten into a rhythm reading the book it jumped to another character or story. Grant keeps shooting himself in the foot every time the plot starts building up momentum by stopping and restarting with new characters.

I know that this book was up for some awards when it came out in eighty two, but I found it a real chore to get thru and just didn’t like it. I can’t recommend The Nestling. That said I have the other Grant book, Raven, that I picked up and will give it a chance.  Maybe this one just didn’t work for me.

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday – To Wake the Dead by Richard Laymon

note: This is another blast from the past. I had totally forgotten about To Wake the Dead and honestly I don’t think I’ve checked out any of Laymon’s other books. I do remember really digging this one so I’m going to have to go looking for more. I mean it has been nine years since I read this one so it really is about time I get off my butt!

Amara was an ancient Egyptian princess that bore the bastard child of the god Set. In exchange he promised her eternal life, only I don’t think she thought it would be as a withered husk that could only come out when the seals locking her tomb were broken. Of course that is what happens and she makes good her escape leaving a wake of dead bodies behind her. All of this is done in search of her missing baby, or actually any baby will do. Our main characters are a police detective named Tag and his girlfriend Susan who is also in charge of the mummy exhibit so connections. In addition to the mummy we have a storyline involving some kidnapped people being kept in cages, a man that has a connection with the previous owner of the mummy, and some kids driving to Hollywood to escape their old lives and make it big. The three intersect at the end and as they all end up encountering the undead creature.

There is a lot going on in this book as the action jumps between the different characters and their plot lines. At first this was a bit off putting but once I got used to how the story was flowing, I had fun with it. This also helps to keep things fresh as I’m not sure focusing on any of the three would have made for a good book. Just to be clear I’m saying that because of a lack of material and not writing skill. There just wasn’t much meat on the bone of the individual storylines so it needs all three.

I don't normally mention gore when I’m writing a book review but here I will. There is a lot of nasty stuff in the book and Laymon has a gift in describing the mayhem to the reader. The mummy makes a mess of quite a few characters as necks are ripped open and eyes gouged out in bloody detail. But that isn’t all that there is. We also get a lot of sexual torture stuff with the captives in their cages including a nasty twist where the captors get what is coming to them. Additionally, throats are slit and necks broken that have nothing to do with the mummy and her violent goals. These extra bits of violence make for a bloody read.

Since I’m on the topic of violence and gore one thing that the book does nicely is make sure we know that no one is safe. We get characters established and come to like them only to have them killed off in disturbing and brutal ways. And the author has no qualms about killing not one, but two kids! Not many authors will take that step and kill of youngsters in their work.  Basically you don’t know who is going to go next and that made To Wake the Dead all that more fun.

I liked this book a lot. I had never heard of Layman until now and after one book consider myself a fan. He is an excellent writer who knows how to tell a story and I will be searching out his other books. I highly recommend this one.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday - Return of the Living Dead by John Russo

note: I wrote this for my old website about a decade ago. Unlike many of my other Throwback Thursday posts I did go back and polish this one up a bit. The opinion didn’t change at all I just clarified what I was saying better.

Like I mentioned in my Night of the Living Dead review this is the second Russo novel to be republished recently in a large volume called Undead. Just to avoid confusion this book has nothing in common with the movie Return of the Living Dead. I mean the filmmakers started with Russo’s story, but took it a totally different direction completely rewriting the plot. Other than a character named Bert they are completely different.

The story picks up ten years after Night of the Living Dead. Apparently that rising of undead was brought under control and the dead just stopped coming back as quickly and mysteriously as they started to. The action takes place in the same county and follows Sheriff McClelland (from the movie) along with several other characters. These include a farmer named Bert and his three daughters, a couple of state highway patrolmen, and a group of looters. Over the period of one night they all have to deal with the walking dead as well as the brutality of man against his fellow man. 

There is an interesting germ of a story here. The looters holding everyone hostage and killing as they please was an interesting twist on zombie fiction. Remember this book was written in nineteen seventy seven so it is early in the rebirth of the zombie as monster and again focused on the humans are the real threat. Many of the characters were sort of interesting and could have been very memorable. Unfortunately, Russo doesn’t develop either the characters or story to take advantage of it. Instead we get a rehashing of Night of the Living Dead, literally. There are several chapters that are the same news reports from his novelization of Night of the Living Dead. And I do mean word for word… Then instead of fleshing out (pun not intended) the characters he has already created he just introduces more so that they can be victimized. It all feels like a missed opportunity to add to the world in which this story takes place.  

I will point out that I did get interested in Bert and his daughters’ story. They have a rocky relationship and don’t get along. But instead of running with that human element he kills Bert off and has the looters show up. Okay cool then make the story about that. Nope they leave and we pick up the story of the highway patrolmen trying to survive. About the time that this gets interesting he kills one of them off, introduces another family of oddballs (that also have potential). This continues until he has killed off most of them without really getting us engaged or caring about who lives and who dies. This sort of lazy attempts at story telling is a common theme in much of Russo’s work and after having read this novelization I can see by Dan O’Bannon tossed it in the trash for the new story that became the Return of the Living Dead movie. Thank goodness he did.

Back to the book though. Zombie fiction that focuses on setting up characters to knock them off is boring. What makes a movie like Night of the Living Dead, or a book like Reign of the Dead good is that they take the time to establish characters that the audience/reader likes and will root for. That makes the dying and living all the more engrossing. Just like every other type of fiction the reader needs to care about the characters for the story to work. I didn’t and because of that I simply didn’t care for this book. While I did enjoy his novelization of Night of the Living Dead I have to say that this one is a pass for me. Even for Romero completists this will be a disappointment as it doesn’t feel like it fits with the franchise.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday – Reign of the Dead by Len Barnhart

note: I wrote this review ten years ago and still love Barnhart's books. Sadly the fourth part of the series that I mention looking forward to never came out. I've also never had the chance to find out what happened as Barnhart sort of disappeared from the internet. I had met the man years ago at a convention and had stayed in touch. Len if you are out there email me and let me know how it is going. Now on to the review. 

When Jim Workman returns from his isolated cabin after a three-week vacation everything has gone to hell. A mysterious virus has caused the dead to rise and begin snacking on the living. Quickly Jim meets up with a group of survivors and falls into the daily routine of trying to survive in a world that has gone mad. There he also meets up with a woman that he falls in love with, and meets a scientist named Susan who claims she may be able to figure out a cure for the virus. That is with the right equipment and time, which they don’t have. 

At the same time that Jim is meeting up with the survivors a reverend by the name of Peterson is trying to make sense of a world seemingly abandoned by God. When he is eventually forced to flee his refuge in the church it strikes him that God must be punishing them all. Of course that is everyone but him, so after finding a group of followers he can manipulate he starts his crusade to start society over the way that God would want it to be. Eventually the two groups clash and many bad things happen. Most of them are zombie related. Who lives and who dies? Is there a cure to be had? Will the crazy reverend get what is coming to him? Read the book and find out damn it!

Every time I pick up a zombie themed book or pop in a zombie movie I’m looking for another experience like I had the first time I saw Night of the Living Dead. Most of the time I’m disappointed. In the case of most of the books the author has tried to tinker with the undead, or make some large supernatural force behind the outbreak. I guess that is okay for some, but those stories don’t interest me. What I find interesting about zombie stories (movies or books) are the sorts of things that Romero dealt with in his movies. The survivors and how they interact with each other is what drives the narrative. I think the reason that I enjoyed this book so much is that Barnhart spends his time focusing on the survivors. The early part of the book is split into sections and explains how each of the main characters has survived to the point that they all meet up. By the time they all are together their interactions make sense and their motivations are understandable. 

So the main characters are well developed. Why does that make for a good piece of zombie fiction? Well let me explain. First of all the tension and actual fear for the characters comes not from the zombies themselves, but the readers fear for these characters. The same can be said for why I found myself smiling when the good reverend gets what is coming to him in the end of the book. Second this is a zombie story, so Barnhart is going to have to kill off a lot of minor characters. It isn’t possible for him to establish all of these characters with back-stories, so what he does is show their deaths thru the eyes of the characters we are invested in. We may not care that X dies, but we will care how it affects say Jim or Susan. 

This is a great book that will grab the reader and keep them interested until the very end. The characters are well developed and realistic, which makes what happens to many of them so disturbing. This is the first book in the series of four, and this is also the third time that I’ve read it. I’ve wanted to reread this one and the second before I dive into the third book of the series (which I just got my hands on). As an added bonus this is a copy of the new version of Barnhart’s book that he polished up to make it fit better with the new stuff he is writing. So this makes an excellent time to jump into the series. This is hands down one of the best bits of zombie fiction that I’ve ever had the chance to read and can’t recommend it enough.

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday – Dead Sea by Brian Keene

Keene ventures back into the realm of the Zombie with this book. It really isn’t a follow up to The Rising, and the zombies are a bit more traditional here. This time around there is Hamelin’s Revenge, which is a disease that is passed thru saliva and blood, rather than demonic possession. Initially it only seems to affect a few species, but then it starts to jump into previously immune creatures. Before you know it there are zombie pets, horses, cattle, and God knows what else wandering the streets looking for a meal. The central character in the book is Lamar. After being forced from his home by the fires sweeping thru the overrun city he ends up on a Coast Guard ship with a few other survivors. Deciding the sea is their best chance they get the vessel seaworthy and get away from the land. But when Hamelin’s jumps into the fish even the ocean isn’t safe.

I really enjoyed this book, much more than his earlier efforts at zombies, The Rising and City of the Dead. It isn’t that those books aren’t good, they are. But I just never really got into the idea that the zombies were reanimated when they were possessed by demons. Call me a purist, but I prefer my zombies old school. With Dead Sea Keene changes things up and has the cause of the uprising a bit more traditional, Hamelin’s Revenge. Get bit or blood on you and soon you will be shuffling around looking for someone to gnaw on. Keene is a great writer and this more traditional take really turned out a great story. He does a wonderful job of making the characters, even the minor ones, jump off the page and be very real. This is key to making it work because then the reader cares about them as he picks them off one at a time, which is really one of the things that zombie fiction is all about. Characters are introduced, we like them, and then bad things happen. 

The book starts off in a familiar setting with Lamar hiding out in his barricaded house, but then moves to the ship at sea, which I thought was neat change. The zombie nerd in me always thought that a ship would be a safe place to hang out if the and when the zombies showed up. Though this proves not to be such a great idea in Keene’s version of a zombie apocalypse. The idea of the plague jumping species was a fun twist with zombie dogs and horses wandering about. But the best are the Zombie whales swimming around the ocean! Yes you heard me correctly there are zombie whales!

Bottom line if you dig zombie fiction and haven’t read Dead Sea you are really missing out.  This is hands down one of the best pieces of zombie fiction that you will ever read.  Brian Keene is the man.  I highly recommend this one.

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday - That Time Rankin/Bass teamed up with the Japanese to make movies for ABC

note: A few years ago I signed on to write up some articles for a magazine titled Gravely Unusual. Specifically, I chose to write about various genre related television projects, which readers of Crappy Movie Reviews will know is a favorite of mine. Sadly this only lasted a couple of issues and I’ve already posted the other one here. Today I thought I’d share my other submission.

 

Television Terrors: Growing up in the Warm Glow of the Boob Tube

The Rankin/Bass and Japanese movies that ended up on ABC

by John Shatzer

Here we are back for another installment of Television Terrors. This time around I thought I’d talk about an odd collaboration that occurred in the late ‘70s between Rankin/Bass and some Japanese studios. This is a series of three movies that ended up premiering on ABC here in the States while getting a theatrical release in Japan. Initially, I had thought this was the plan all along. However, after doing research for this article I realized that the original idea had been for The Last Dinosaur to get released to theaters in the US, but the filmmakers couldn’t drum up any interest. After that movie was such a success, the other productions were sold to television even before they were finished. Because of this I consider these productions all to be television movies and decided to cover them here.

Before I go any further, I should chat a bit about my history with these movies. If you haven’t caught on yet I’m a huge fan of all things related to horror on the small screen. I was aware of the “movies of the week” that were cranked out to fill the voids in the schedule, having seen many of them in reruns on my local horror hosted shows years after their premieres. At some point in the mid ‘80s I heard about these strange projects and immediately went looking for them but was unable to find copies to watch. I filed it away and moved on to the next thing. I honestly had totally forgotten about it until recently when I stumbled over an article that mentioned them. This time, armed with the internet as a resource, I found what I was looking for. Though I imagine given the title of this article you probably figured that out already. After waiting over 3 decades, it is time to dive in.

I figured that I’d start with 1978’s The Bermuda Depths. This is the second of the trio and was the one that interested me the most. Mostly because one of the stars, Carl Weathers of Rocky and Predator fame, does battle with a giant sea turtle. The Japanese side of the production came from the same company that did the Ultraman shows that I loved growing up as a kid. I was so hoping for some killer Kaiju action which I must inform you never happens. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Things kick off with a guy sleeping on the beach who we later find out is our main character, Magnus. A beautiful woman, played by a very young Connie Sellecca, comes strolling up and smiles before disappearing back into the sea. Magnus wakes up and then we are given some background as he meets up with Eric, Weather’s character, who is working on a research vessel. Eric and another man named Paulis are continuing the work of Magnus’ father. Magnus has returned to the island to sort out his history and to try to remember what happened to his father. We get hints that since being orphaned as a child he has had a rough go of it. Signing on to help Magnus gets involved with Eric and Paulis’ work. Also in the mix is Sellecca’s character, Jennifer, who we find out has a strange connection to Magnus and his father.

Now you might have noticed that I have yet to mention the giant sea turtle. I’m not burying the lead here as the turtle is barely in the movie and is mostly seen in the last few minutes of the flick. Much of the movie is focused on developing the relationship between Jennifer and Magnus and revealing the secrets within that relationship. Be aware that there are some spoilers coming so if you don’t like that sort of thing stop reading right away. You have been warned.

Jennifer was/is the imaginary friend that Magnus had as a child (another flashback we get to see) who is also a legendary sea creature that was once a woman but sold her soul to a turtle god to avoid drowning. Or at least I think that is what they were going for. If I’m going to be completely honest here the movie is quite confusing. I had to stop it to go back and see if I missed something more than once. That hardly ever happens to me since I tend to really pay attention when I’m watching a movie. Sadly, that is only one of the many problems that I noticed.

Finally the Turtle!

The Bermuda Depths feels like a movie that tried to do a lot of stuff but never settled on one thing long enough to be entertaining. We get the promise of a monster, which never really happens. The title mentions Bermuda, which being a ‘70s production made me think it might have something to do with the Bermuda Triangle. While that is mentioned and hinted at nothing really comes of it. We get a bit of a mad/obsessed scientist vibe which also doesn’t turn into anything. There is even a bit of Jaws with the characters on the boat doing battle with the turtle, but it ends too quickly to be worthwhile. The filmmakers are throwing a lot at the audience to entertain, but it doesn’t work.

The casting of Burl Ives as the scientist Paulis also doesn’t work for me. He is wrong for the part and really the movie in general. He mostly mumbles through lines and spends his time cracking and eating peanuts. The only thing that I did really like about The Bermuda Depths was the casting of Carl Weathers. He is good playing Eric and is the only character that seems to have some sort of story arc going from friendly to obsessed with the fame that might be gained by killing the turtle and proving its existence. Plus, he wears a pair of shorts that have to be seen to be believed. I was having flashbacks to gym class in the ‘70s and was traumatized. 

One of the hazards of this hobby and tracking down movies is that when you find them you realize why they were difficult to locate in the first place. Many times, they were buried because they are just bad. While I’m pleased to have finally scratched this one off of my bucket list, I’m hoping that this isn’t a harbinger of things to come. Fingers crossed that the other two movies are more fun.  

Next up I thought I’d go back to the first project Rankin/Bass tried to get off the ground and look at The Last Dinosaur. This movie stars Richard Boone as Masten Thrust Jr., the owner of a large oil company that has been successfully exploring the polar caps in search of reserves of crude oil to drill. Thrust is also known as a big game hunter who has shot and killed many animals, including some endangered ones. We are given the idea that he is rich enough to get away with such things. The story picks up with him landing in Japan and heading off to company headquarters to check in with some scientists and have a press conference. Here is where the story kicks into gear.  

Chuck Wade works for Thrust’s oil company and is the only survivor of a mission that stumbled onto a hidden valley that is warmed by a nearby underwater volcano. This land is trapped in the past and is filled with dinosaurs, one of which ate the other members of his crew. Thrust is putting together an expedition to retrace their steps with the intent of studying the creature. Though when they arrive there are all sorts of dinosaurs to deal with as well as some cavemen! The T-Rex that ate the original crew causes some grief by constantly trying to snack on them, as well as stealing their ship because it was shiny. At least that is how they explain why it disappeared.

The plot then jumps to four months later as our survivors are struggling with the locals, both the reptile and mammal variety. They have also picked up one of the cavewomen who has taken a shine to them. They call her Hazel and try to teach her things. Stuff happens, including a dinosaur throwdown between the T-Rex and a Triceratops, as well some fighting with the cavemen over food. Eventually they do stumble over their ship and get it ready for a return home, but of course Thrust refuses. He has become obsessed with killing the T-Rex which leads to a weird but sort of enjoyable ending. I can’t say more without spoiling The Last Dinosaur. 

This is a much better movie than The Bermuda Depths with the most obvious reason being that we get to see the creature as well as other fun stuff. The dinosaurs are clearly actors in rubber suits flailing about at one another but being a Toho co-production that is exactly what I wanted. This movie promises monsters and doesn’t disappoint. In addition to the T-Rex there is a giant turtle, Pterodactyls, and the Triceratops. There is also miniature work used to bring the ship and its home base to the screen. If you dig Kaiju movies, then you will be pleased with what we get in The Last Dinosaur.

Richard Boone is chewing the scenery and having a blast. He yells a lot of his dialogue and the supposed love scenes between him and co-star Joan Van Ark are painfully awkward. Somehow this adds a certain cheeseball charm that works for the movie. The theme song is very ‘70s and again just fits. We even get some familiar giant lizard sounds coming from the T-Rex. Toho was involved so it shouldn’t be a surprise that this happened.

Sure it is silly... but I liked it.

While I was watching The Last Dinosaur, I also noticed something else that amused me. It probably wasn’t done on purpose but still, who knows? Our female lead is played by the previously mentioned, Joan Van Ark. Her name is Francesca Banks, and she is an award-winning photographer. She has cut her teeth taking photos in warzones including what I think was supposed to be Vietnam. She’s a blonde female photographer who is brought along as the press representative to document the expedition. Fans of Kong: Skull Island might notice some similarities here.

You might also notice that the movie is called The Last Dinosaur. Here is where I think that the writing is subtle and deeper than one would expect from a monster movie like this. The “dinosaur” referred to isn’t the giant reptile, but I believe is actually the character of Thrust. From his rough treatment of women (even for the ‘70s is a bit much), to the character’s resistance to returning to civilization, I believe the point is that he is the dinosaur. This is further reinforced with the casting of Boone, who is best known for playing cowboys and tough guys, and who was nearing the end of his long career when he made this movie. Then again maybe I’m just reading too much into it. Regardless, the movie engaged me in a way I wasn’t expecting and that added to my enjoyment.

Now it isn’t all good and I do have one complaint. The movie is way too long. I watched the uncut version of the movie that clocks in at 106 minutes long. There is a lot of padding at the beginning of the movie including an extended press conference that goes nowhere and is unnecessary. I did notice that the TV cut is only 95 minutes long so that might be the one to watch. Despite dragging at times there is still enough fun to be had that I think this one is worth a watch. If nothing else the giant rubber monsters stomping around should put a smile on your face.

Well, I’m glad that The Last Dinosaur was decent. I’ve spent a long time tracking these movies down and it would have been disappointing if they all were as bad as The Bermuda Depths. Fingers crossed that the last of three is also a good time. Might as well toss The Ivory Ape into the DVD player and see what I’ve gotten myself into.

The Ivory Ape starts with some farmers in Africa trying to protect their crops from a gorilla that is cleaning them out of bananas. There is a bit of an argument since the animal is protected and they are going to get in trouble with the game warden if they injure it. Though that doesn’t stop them from eventually shooting and capturing it. But it isn’t just any gorilla. It’s a rare white one that zoos and collectors all over the world will be willing to pay big bucks for. A ruthless poacher, Aubrey Range, takes the ape and loads it on a ship bound for Cuba. Why Cuba? Well, he illegally smuggled it out of the country so that is the only place he can sell it without getting arrested. A storm blows up and the ship is forced to dock in the Bahamas where the rest of our characters get involved.

Baxter and Lil are crusaders that have the papers to seize the ape and return it home where it belongs. Baxter also has a friend, a former big game hunter named Kazarian, who lives on the island. Kazarian gets roped into the hunt when the ape breaks free after killing someone and escapes onto the island. Behaving unusually aggressive, the gorilla creates a panic which leads to a posse of armed men tracking it down. One of those men is Kazarian and another is the poacher who is trying to destroy any evidence of his smuggling. Though the Inspector in charge gives Baxter and Lil a chance to capture it alive, things go about as well as you would expect, which isn’t great. In the end, which I won’t spoil here, we find out why the gorilla was acting aggressively and our characters either learn a lesson or are able to be righteously indignant.

Well crap… There are some things that I enjoyed about The Ivory Ape, but it is a flawed movie.  Much like The Bermuda Depths, I feel like this movie promised me a creature feature, but what I got instead was a drama with a conservation message. Normally I wouldn’t be too hard on a movie that did a switcheroo like that if they managed to do a decent job at it. Sadly, that isn’t the case here. The movie is padded with so much unnecessary baggage that I never could get into or care about the story.

For example, we get an entire subplot of Kazarian, Palance’s character, coming out of retirement to hunt again. Why did he quit? Thanks to a monologue we find out that his son was taken by a crocodile and he had to do the unthinkable to stop his suffering. He shoots the kid and not the croc (!), though it is hinted that it was already too late to save him. While this is interesting, it does nothing to move the story along and is never referenced in any way later in the movie. Combined with Palance barely playing a part in the movie, this is all wasted space. You could have cut his character out entirely and trimmed about twenty minutes off the runtime which would have helped the pacing a lot. Of course, they didn’t do that since Palance is top billed and used to sell the movie.

On the positive side of things Palance is very good in the movie. Unlike The Last Dinosaur where the Hollywood vet Boone chews scenery, Palance is subdued and very believable as the tortured Kazarian. The ending where he figures out what is happening through the scope of his rifle and tries to, but fails to stop what happens, there is a pain on his face that tells you more than any bit of dialogue could ever do. The rest of the cast is equally good including Steven Keats, who was also in The Last Dinosaur, and Cindy Pickett. A good cast can make up for some silly material and this is a very good cast.

Speaking of silly, I can’t ignore the 800-pound gorilla in the room. See what I did there? The titular creature is nothing more than a man in a gorilla suit. It doesn’t look any better than the poverty row studio films of the ‘30s and ‘40s. I get that on their budget, and with the technology of the time, this was as good as they could do. But the choice of using stock footage side by side early on, just points out how fake it is. And I’m not going to lie that because this was a Toho co-production, I had expected a giant gorilla to appear and that the fact it is just a regular sized guy in a suit bummed me out. Again, if they had done the other stuff better my unmet expectations wouldn’t prevent me from enjoying The Ivory Ape.

The Ape

In the end, I can’t say that I would recommend The Ivory Ape. It isn’t awful and I’ve seen much worse, but it doesn’t do anything to make itself memorable. This is, at best, an oddity that “made for TV” nerds like me probably will need to track down. This is by far the hardest of the three to find. The weakest of these productions is clearly, The Bermuda Depths, which has zero going for it. The plot meanders along, never amounting to much, and is filled with characters that are uninspiring. Plus, we barely get any monster in it with the turtle showing itself at the very end for just a couple of minutes. Trust me it isn’t worth your time.

The best of the bunch is The Last Dinosaur. Now this is what I expected when I saw Toho was involved. Lots of guys in rubber monster suits, cheesy cavemen makeup, model ships zipping around the screen. This movie has it all! It isn’t perfect, but if you dig Kaiju flicks then I think you will have fun with it. It doesn’t surprise me that this was the easiest of the three for me to track down. I can see the appeal, which likely kept it in circulation.

So that is it for another installment of Television Terrors. It was a blast for me to finally track these movies down and to share them with you here in the pages of this fine magazine. As always, I want to thank Edwin for the opportunity to participate in such a cool project. If you have any questions or suggestions, please feel free to get in touch by emailing me at gutmunchers@gmail.com. I love talking to other fans about this stuff. I’ll see you all next time when I return with even more spooky stuff from the old boob tube.

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday - Dead City by Joe McKinney

note: This is a book review that I wrote for the old Gutmunchers website. As I was always looking for more zombie stuff to cover the work of McKinney caught my attention. I suppose this is a spoiler but while this was my first dive into his work it certainly wasn’t the last.

The book establishes that there has been a series of hurricanes that have battered the coastline of Texas as in introduces us to our main character. Eddie Hudson is a police officer in San Antonio Texas working the evening shift. Responding to reports of a prowler he runs smack dab into an uprising of zombies. While the book never explains why there are zombies, it does hint that it might have to do with some new illness related to the devastation from the storms. After establishing the dead are walking around eating the living the rest of the book is Eddie trying to survive and find his wife and young son. 

Let me say something right here at the beginning of this review. Dead City follows a familiar and predictable story that anyone who has ever seen a zombie movie will recognize. But I still enjoyed the heck out of this book. I like the main character of Eddie, as well as the other characters that he runs into as the plot unfolds. McKinney does a wonderful job of making him likeable and as a result bringing the reader into the story. I was completely invested in the character and that kept me turning the pages wanting to know what happened next (it was a long night without enough sleep!). Another thing that McKinney does very well is the structure of the story. Most of the book takes place during a single night. I’m not sure how he pulled it off, but when I was reading Dead City it felt like it had a manic pace. As a reader I was getting as exhausted as the main character was. Though again the book kept me hooked and up way past my bedtime, so that might have played a part in this.

I wanted to get back to what I had already mentioned about the plot being familiar. This book is an excellent example of what a writer or even a filmmaker can do when they pay attention to the pacing of a story and the characters. A talented author can jump into an established genre like zombies and still have fun with it while entertaining their reader. This is the only book that I’ve read from Joe McKinney, but if it is any example of what I can expect from him it won’t be the last. 

Lets talk about some gore. While McKinney doesn’t linger much on describing the terrible things done to the living and the dead in this book, I did find it satisfying.  Don’t get me wrong we are treated to plenty of headshots, teeth gnashing, and a bit with a baby that is disturbing. As I’ve already touched on the pacing of the book is part of the fun, so if each zombie and kill were described in great detail the pacing would have suffered. 

I’m a sucker for all things zombie and Dead City is a great zombie novel. If you like your monsters shuffling and deceased, you will enjoy this book. I recommend taking the time to track down a copy.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday - Night of the Living Dead by John Russo

note: This was originally published ten years ago for another website. To make it fit here at Crappy Movie Reviews I had to make some format changes. The contents of the review remain unchanged.

Okay so Night of the Living Dead is one of my favorite movies ever. It launched the zombie genre that is obviously important to me. I mean I ran a site called Gutmunchers! A few years after the movie was made someone came to Russo, who was involved in the movie, and asked him to write a novelization. That book is what I read for this review. Now that we have some of the history out of the way lets talk about the book itself.

This is a pretty faithful adaptation of the movie. The setup is the same with Ben and Barbara arriving at the farmhouse, both looking for shelter from the undead wandering around outside. They board up the house, deal with zombies, and are surprised by the other survivors in the basement. We still get the conflict between Ben and Harry Cooper (one of the basement survivors) and things end the same way that they do in the movie. For the most part if you have seen and enjoyed the movie (how could you not?) then you will like the book.

That last sentence was a huge relief for me to write. As a fan I’ve had a difficult time dealing with Russo. On one hand I think that he is a very nice guy who I’ve met several times. He is very kind and generous to the fans. He also had a lot to do with the formation and creation of Night of the Living Dead, which is a huge plus for me. But I’ve also had issues with Russo. All his post Romero movies have been either terrible or barely passable. I also have disliked his attempts to go back and live off of Night of the Living Dead. For example, the comics or new footage he shot for the classic movie. I won’t even go into his attempts to continue the zombie story without Romero and the resulting legal wrangling.

This novelization is maybe the best thing that I’ve read from Russo. He follows the movie plot closely and when he does deviate it is to add things that they couldn’t have shot. There is a bit more gore and the deaths of the characters are way more gruesome. From Johnny being eaten to the barbeque at the pickup things are way more graphic. Russo is also able to share the thoughts of the characters and explain their actions or lack of them to the reader. While this doesn’t change anything it does make you more sympathetic to a Harry Cooper. Sure he is a coward, but he does care about his daughter. 

For me this is exactly what I wanted when I sat down to read this book. Russo is spot on and does a wonderful job with the story. I’d say that this is a must read for any fan of the movie.  t is available in a book called Undead, which also includes Russo’s Return of the Living Dead novel. It is his original idea for the story and is dramatically different from the movie. Instead of the familiar characters we get a sequel/follow up to the events of Night of the Living dead and is worth checking out. I recommend all fans of the zombie genre as well as Romero/Russo fans track themselves down a copy of Undead.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday – Heart Shaped Box by Joe Hill

note: I wrote this book review more than ten years ago for my old website. At the time I was new to Hill’s work but quickly became a fan.

So I'm back with another book review. This time I read Joe Hill's Heart Shaped Box. What we have here is an interesting ghost story. Jude is an aging rocker that collects all kinds of macabre stuff. When his assistant finds a haunted suit on an Internet auction site, he buys it for his collection. What he doesn't realize is that it is a setup. The ghost attached to it is out for some vengeance on Jude and anyone around him. This includes Jude's latest Goth stripper girlfriend Marybeth. The two of them end up taking the road trip from hell in an attempt to figure out how to dump the angry ghost that is doing it's best to destroy them.

I really dug this book. Ghost stories can be very entertaining, but normally are predictable. Heart Shaped Box Was a refreshing change from this tendency. The story starts off with some creepy stuff at Jude's home. The ghost pops up here and there scarring the heck out of him. But after the ghost almost succeeds Jude packs up Marybeth and gets the hell out of Dodge! Instead of some forced plot device that keeps them stuck in the house Hill let's his characters do what most of us would do, run away. 

But this isn't the only interesting twist to the plot. From the beginning of the haunting it seems that maybe Jude did deserve the vengeful spirit. Without ruining any of the plot let's just say that he was kind of a jerk to the ghost’s stepdaughter, Anna. But as the story unfolds the reader finds out, along with the characters, that there is more to the story. So much so that by the end of the book things have turned in an unexpected direction. 

Of course even the best plot setup can be ruined by flat characters. Our main characters of Jude and Marybeth are fleshed out well with the story. Right away we see that Jude has some issues but isn't a terrible guy just a flawed one. Not only does he feel guilty about what happened to Anna, but when things get dangerous, he tries to drive Marybeth away. Despite how he treats people he does care. There is a great bit with a used car salesman that is his way of showing his cares for her. And then we have the Marybeth character that is damaged goods as well. But again, even though she has issues she sticks by Jude no matter what happens. What the author has done is give us a love story between two damaged people being chased by a homicidal ghost. If I must read a love story, then this is the one I want to read.

In the end Heart Shaped Box is a really good read. I loved the story and all the unique places it goes. From the first page to the final one I was engrossed in the characters and how things were unfolding. I can't ask for more then that out of a book and I recommend that everyone check out this as well as Joe Hill's other books. I know I'm going to.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday - Night of the Living Trekkies by Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall

note: This is another book review from my old website. At the time I was obsessed with any zombie fiction that I could get my hands on. This was of course before the glut of books, comics, shows, and movies that hit the market when zombies became “cool”. This on still holds up well.

You know when I heard that someone had combined two of my favorite things zombies and Star Trek, I was psyched. Though I will admit after the failed attempt to do the same thing with the Star Wars universe I was a bit worried. But unlike that book this doesn’t take place in the Trek universe, but at a convention. That is pure genius.  Before I talk about the book though lets talk a look at the story.

Jim Pike is a veteran that has come back from the Middle East with some issues. Despite being qualified for much better work he has chosen to become a security guard at the Botany Bay Hotel and Convention Center. His experiences in the war have convinced him that he doesn’t want to have any responsibilities at all. When his sister, Rayna shows up with here friends and everyone starts to munch on each other things get very difficult for Jim. It is up to him to lead a group of survivors out of the Botany Bay hotel and to safety, whether he wants the responsibility or not. Toss in a “Klingon” named Martock, a beautiful girl dressed as Princess Leia, and a scientist with a secret for a good time. 

What can I say about the book? It is a great read that will please both the fans of Star Trek and those looking for some good zombie fun. The Trek fan in me really appreciated the references to the series, from the names of the characters and hotel, to the acknowledgement that hard-core Trekkies and Star Wars fans don’t get along. That is a touch that non-geeks wouldn’t ever add or understand. I also thought that the time spent showing how the convention was setup and the levels to which some fans take it was pretty nifty. I mean you have a regular guy that can’t deal with the situation, but is forced to get in touch with his inner Klingon and then becomes a killing machine! Nice job guys.   

Night of the Living Trekkies also manages to be a very good zombie story as well. You get plenty of Gut munching (always a good thing!) and there are some gory bits here and there. I mean if you have ever wanted to read about a guy dressed as a Klingon chopping thru zombies with a Bat’leth then this is the book for you. But it isn’t all just about nerdy fun, as there is a clever and disturbing zombie story at the core of the book. I don’t want to give away any spoilers, but I found the sci-fi twist to be very enjoyable. 

This could have been a silly and poorly written cash in on a couple of popular genres, but the authors Kevin David Anderson and Sam Stall put a lot of effort in to make the book a good read. I was very surprised how much fun that the book was and highly recommend it. 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer