The Evil Below (1989)

I’ve been in the mood for some oddball eighties movies so I’ve started digging thru my stacks of tapes to see if I can unearth any gems. I had a VHS copy of The Evil Below, which I have no idea where I acquired it, and thought I’d give it a chance. Though I’ve not had much success with South African lensed flicks other than maybe Hardware and even that wasn’t a favorite of mine I was willing to give this one a chance. Was that a mistake? Let us find out.

The movie opens with a sailing vessel, or rather a decent looking model of one, being tossed in some rough seas. Thanks to a helpful bit of text on the screen we know this is the past, specifically the sixteen hundreds. Then the action moves to a man and woman diving. They find the wreck of the ship and are killed by a giant fish. Not a shark but a toothy barracuda looking scaley bastard! I’m guessing those aren’t our main characters otherwise this was a short movie.

Now we meet our main characters. Max is a fishing boat captain that is having difficulty paying the bills. He meets a lady in a bar named Sarah in a bar and they head to her room for some groping and brief nudity before she starts to cry, and he leaves. The next day she comes to the docks to hire a boat to go looking for a treasure ship named The El Diablo. Guess who has the only available boat? Now do we get some explanation as to why she cried when they started to hook up? Hell no. This sadly will become a familiar theme.

"Thrilling" bar scene 27...

Be warned spoilers follow. As they look for the treasure they visit Max’s Dad, who is murdered. By whom and why? I can only guess that it was the bad guy a local expert on antiques named Calhoun, who also has a random henchman named Barlow. Both of whom are basically immortal supernatural creatures. Wait… why and how? It must not matter because the movie makes zero effort to explain what the hell is going on. Eventually Max and Sarah blow up the wreck which ends the curse… I think… and the movie ends.

This one is a mess. I’m not sure if the script was poorly written or if the editor didn’t know what they were doing but the results are the same. The characters jump from scene to scene without any connective narrative between them. We literally get people talking in a bar, then suddenly underwater in scuba gear, to being back on the boat talking about going to the bar. The action jumps around like this not once but throughout the entire runtime. It makes for a jumbled mess and kills any momentum that the movie might have created. Then again that was an unlikely hope for a movie that is filled with unnecessary characters. I mean what is up with the priest characters who apparently are there to die and not add anything to the story. And that is plural as in the first one dies and then his replacement also dies in the same basic way. Toss in some underwater footage that is nothing more than padding for a miserable way to spend ninety minutes.

"Thrilling" SCUBA scene 14.

The Evil Below also tries to sell itself as horror in addition to mystery and adventure. Other than the immortal bad guys and hints at a curse there is very little horror to be had here. That might explain why the kills are all offscreen and lame. There is also zero mystery here… other than me asking myself why I was watching this that is. I suppose the best way to describe the movie is as an adventure flick with little to no adventure.

I’m still struggling to find a South African produced genre flick that I dig. And yes I’ve seen Dust Devil in addition to Hardware. The Evil Below is one of the slowest and most pointless exercises in cinema that I’ve seen in a quite a while. I can’t recommend anyone spending their time and/or god forbid their money on it. This is a VHS that I should have left on the shelf collecting dust.

 

© Copyright 2024 John Shatzer

Charley Varrick (1973)

The movie opens with a small gang of thieves being led by the titular Charley Varrick. As we meet them they are about to knock over a small town bank to score a few bucks. Along with Charley is his wife Nadine, Harman, and another man who doesn’t really matter much. Spoilers he gets shot right away. See their plan goes sideways on them when a deputy checks the plates on the getaway car only to discover it is stolen. This means when they leave with the bags of cash the cops are there and a gunfight/car chase breaks out. The gang gets away but like I said one of them is dead in the bank and unfortunately Nadine is fatally wounded as well.

Here is where things get really interesting. First, we see that Charley might be sentimental as he takes the wedding ring from his wife but doesn’t seem that broken up when they leave her in the getaway car with a bomb to cover their tracks. Second, they tear open the bags to find a cool seven hundred and fifty thousand when they expected maybe twenty grand. Turns out the bank was mobbed up and not only are the cops hunting them, but a nasty hit man named Molly is on their trail as well. The rest of the movie is Charley dealing with the surviving gang member, the cops, and the mob in his efforts to get away with his life and maybe the cash.

I’m a huge movie nerd and have spent my entire life tracking down and watching all sorts of genres. Being a child of the seventies one of those genres that I’ve always loved is the crime drama. I like nothing better than watching plans being made and going awry with sometimes terrible results. The more twists and turns the better. So it was sort of a shock for me when I stumbled over Charley Varrick streaming on Netflix. This is just the sort of thing that I would have expected to have caught on HBO back in the day. Hell it stars Walter Matthau who I know better for his comedies and am a huge fan of.

The story is solid and stays on track unfolding the twists and turns as Charlie does his best to not get killed or caught. There are a lot of characters that get introduced like the mobster from Reno (played by John “Go Fuck an Iceberg” Vernon!), the crooked bank manager, and a bank examiner played by Norman Fell. This is all in addition to the surviving gang member Harmon (Andrew Robinson) and the hitman Molly (Joe Don Baker). You would think that would be too many characters muddling up the story but in reality they all serve a purpose to move the plot along nicely. Each of them has their part to play and the action quickly connects back to the primary plotline of Charley and the money.

How do they manage this? Well, it is a nice bit of storytelling thanks to a screenplay that is balanced and well thought out. The story knows exactly where it wants to go and keeps things on track. It also doesn’t hurt that the movie has a legendary director in Don Siegel. You may not recognize the name, but the man was responsible for some amazing movies. From the classic fifties science fiction movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers to later efforts with Clint Eastwood (Dirty Harry, Escape from Alcatraz, and my personal favorite The Beguiled) as well as John Wayne (The Shootist). When you are the preferred director for actors like this then you have to be great. Hell he even worked with Charles Bronson on Telefon.

There was a lot of talent both in front of as well as behind the camera. When that happens you normally get excellent results and that is what happened here. Charley Varrick is a movie that wasn’t on my radar until recently, but I can guarantee you that I will be revisiting it in the future. This is a nifty crime drama/thriller that has me looking at Walter Matthau and what he could do as an actor in a totally different way. I highly recommend everyone check this one out.

 

© Copyright 2024 John Shatzer

Hooch (1977)

Eddie Joe, played by Gil Gerard, is running shine and the sheriff knows it. But every time he tries to catch him in the act he either gets away or doesn’t have anything on him. This is especially annoying to the sheriff because Eddie Joe is sweet on his niece Ginnie. If the criminal stuff isn’t enough, he is pissed off that Eddie Joe is stepping out with another woman, Jamie Sue, the daughter of one of the other moonshiners! Toss in the fact that Eddie Joe is the only supplier of shine that refuses to pay the sheriff off and it gets messy.

It gets worse when a stranger shows up in town. His name is Tony, and he is a mobster checking out the local bootlegging scene. When he sees how much money can be made he brings his boss in and they start making plans to take over. With the help of Old Bill, Jamie Sue’s pop, they locate the other stills and blow them up. Then they try arranging a meeting and try to blow up the bootleggers themselves. Along the way they try to frame Eddie Joe for the crime and turn the locals against him. Not only does he have the best shine, but his still is hidden and is the only one they haven’t been able to get rid of. This leads to a big finale with a shoot out and a car chase. Damn I forgot to mention that Eddie Joe drives a sweet El Camino.

I really liked this movie. It is a mix of carsploitation, moonshiners, and hicksploitation blended in a fun package. Gerard is great as Eddie Joe playing it low key and laid back. It is almost as if the part was written for his personality, which it was. He also wrote the story that the script was based on! There is always something happening on screen whether it is him romancing one of the two ladies, cracking wise with the sheriff, or the comedic gags with the locals it is a blast. There is a bit in the middle with a musical number and a lot of dancing and a bar fight that feels like padding where Hooch slows down a bit. But then the movie does pick up after that and ends in a fun finale.

It was the '70s and Gil was cool!

I was expecting a bit more car chase action, but what we do get is fine. Honestly, I don’t think they had the budget to crash anything so manage your expectations. You do get to see a couple nice rides and folks do end up in disposable vehicles, so you know they are going over an embankment or into the river. The inclusion of the mobsters halfway thru feels a bit forced but the actors are decent and there are some laughs to be had. It was weird to see Danny Aiello in a movie like this. He plays Tony and ends up with a butt full of buckshot… comedy!

A few other things to mention about Hooch. The soundtrack is filled with some appropriate seventies’ country toons. There are some awesome lines like, “I like my bourbon old and my women young.” Seriously Eddie Joe is one smooth operator when it comes to the ladies! There is even a funny Kojak line that if you don’t recognize one of the actors you will miss, but it made me giggle. Finally, the financial success of this movie was partly responsible for the creation of The Dukes of Hazzard. Honestly as a child of the seventies how the hell did I not know about this movie before now?

I had a lot of fun with Hooch and recommend that you go track yourself down a copy. It is a fun bit of drive-in cheese that is a must watch for folks who dig cars, hicks, or are just looking for a fun way to kill ninety minutes.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Black Samson (1974)

This is an entry into the Blaxploitation genre that no one seems to ever talk about. That is a damn shame because it stars Carol Speed of Abby and The Mack fame as well as one of the got to bad guys from seventies cinema William Smith. I’m getting ahead of myself here so before I go much further let’s talk Black Samson. 

Things kick off with a couple of white guys wandering into Samson’s bar. They are clearly up to no good as one of them keeps propositioning one of the dancing girls like she is a hooker. That annoys the proprietor, and he warns Johnny Nappa, William Smith’s character, that his buddy needs to cool it. He doesn’t so a proper beat down occurs, and the man is tossed out of the bar. That isn’t a good thing because they were mobsters and were scoping things out. It seems that they want to move into the neighborhood with their smack, but Samson keeps his street clean. Everyone seems to respect that except for hotshot Johnny Nappa. 

The rest of the movie plays out with escalating violence as Nappa keeps trying to buy off and then kill off Samson who won’t let his people or neighborhood down. Ladies get smacked around, bars get blow up, cars get crashed, and much justice is meted out with Samson’s weapon of choice an impressive staff. Finally, the mobsters get tricked into the neighborhood so that everyone can let them know just how they feel about their attempts to flood their home with drugs. Spoilers it involves kitchen appliances getting tossed off buildings. 

This is a fun movie with a great story that while not groundbreaking is executed in a way that makes it entertaining. Things kick off with a bang as Samson tosses the gangsters out of his bar. We get a little bit of character building with the homeless guy acting as a night watchman for the bar before more butt kicking occurs. This is one of those flicks that manage to tell you a decent story with characters that you will like all while keeping things moving along briskly. It is never boring, even on a fourth or fifth watch. 

This is a very seventies experience filled with all sorts of odd fashions and groovy dialogue. Really its beautiful baby just beautiful. We get some quality seventies nudity with a lot of the ladies showing some skin. Not trying to be creepy but this is a drive-in movie, so such things are expected. Black Samson delivers the goods in this category. We also have a decent car chase, fight scenes that are pretty good, and a fun soundtrack. Everything that I expect when I sit down to watch a Blaxploitation movie is on display and I dig it. 

I should mention one thing. While I’m not in support of judging a movie that is nearly fifty years old by today’s standards, I will say that William Smith’s character is a racists asshole. Because of that he uses a particular slur a lot in the movie. Given that he is the bad guy and that we are supposed to hate him and root for Samson I’m okay with it. But I also equally understand if that might bother a viewer, so I wanted to mention it. Since I’m going to recommend this one and I don’t want anyone to sit down and be traumatized by the language. 

Like I just said I’m going to recommend Black Samson. This movie is a lot of fun and checks a lot of boxes. I watch it every few years and always enjoy it. If you haven’t seen it I encourage you to track down a copy. You won’t be disappointed. 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Slaughter (1972)

I haven’t covered many Blaxploitation movies here at the site. If you are unaware of what I’m talking about with this genre the following link will explain it better than I can. Wikipedia is our friend! I watch a lot of these flicks, so I thought it was about time to correct that. So welcome to my first ever marathon of Blaxploitation movies.

Former football star Jim Brown stars as the titular character Slaughter. He is a Green Beret who comes home after his parents were killed in a car bomb. He understands that his father had mob connections, but his mother was innocent. That means that someone is about to pay for what they did to her. Starting with his Dad’s girlfriend he works his way back to the hitman, but just as he is about to put him down things go sideways. Slaughter gets caught up with the Treasury Department, he screwed up their investigation, and ends up in South America. Not only can he fix what he screwed up, but that is also where his parent’s killer is as well. Two birds one stone sort of thing.

I figured why not start off with one of the better but sadly lesser known Blaxploitation movies. Slaughter is a kick in the butt with the action starting from the opening scene and coming non-stop most of the way until another bit of car related violence at the end. In between we get car chases including one with a plane. There are many fistfights, a knife fight, gunfights, and Jim Brown even gets physical with a car. Seriously the bad guys are fighting him with cars while he jumps around them kicking ass! We do get some character development and a subplot of Slaughter falling for the head bad guys lady, but it is paced well so that it never slows the movie down. In fact, we get just enough to root for Slaughter and against Dominic (the assassin and main villain).

The editing of the action sequences are great and it flows perfectly on screen. Jim Brown wasn’t that far removed from his football career and was still a world class athlete. It shows as he is very smooth and natural in all the physical stuff he is asked to do. What gets lost and something a lot of people don’t realize is that he was a good actor as well. Sure, he might not be an Oscar level talent, though an argument can be made he was never given those types of roles. What isn’t debatable is that he can carry a movie.

The rest of the cast is equally as good. You have Stella Stevens as Ann, the gangster’s girlfriend who falls for Slaughter. Rip Torn is Dominic, the gangster who likes to drop “N” bombs and generally make an ass of himself. Torn is really good in this movie and you can’t wait for Slaughter to kill him. Don Gordon who is normally relegated to small supporting roles has a decent part as Harry, the partner Slaughter doesn’t want. Finally, there is a small glorified cameo from Cameron Mitchell. There is a lot of talent around Brown and it only helps to make the movie that much better.

What else haven’t I mentioned? There is a great theme song and a lot of fun groovy music. The camera work is great and includes a weird “fish eye” lens that gives some of the action sequences a unique look. Honestly, I don’t have a bad thing to say about this movie. It is exactly what I want when I sit down too watch an early seventies action movie and because of that I highly recommend Slaughter. Do yourself a favor and track down a copy of the movie.

 

Ó Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Six She’s and a He (1963)

I was in the mood for something weird so when I dug thru my to watch pile and found Six She’s and a He from Something Weird Video I thought to myself, ‘this seems like a good choice.’ See what I did there? For the uniformed the previously mentioned company is best known for saving and releasing oddball and sometimes thought lost regional low budget cheapie drive-in flicks. But was this one worth the effort? Lets check it out and see.

A voiceover tells us that the man floating along in a raft is a bomber pilot from World War II. This is immediately after us hearing voices talking about a rocket launch over some stock footage of the space program. Um okay movie this isn’t a good start. The astronaut/bomber pilot, Fred, lands on a beach and is rescued by six lovely ladies in bikinis. After reviving him with some water they show a severed head on a stick and tell him that he is now their slave. This is because they are the Love Goddesses which explains the excruciatingly bad song of the same name that they keep playing.

The rest of the movie follows a pattern. Fred has to “service” the ladies at night and then is hooked to a plow or forced to mow the grass (with a scythe no less!) during the day. This “torture” is almost unbearable. Mixed in is a flashback where we see them kill a Nazi… okay so it is World War II. Luckily one of the ladies, Desiree, offers to help him escape if he will take her with him. Seems she isn’t a fan of the island and the Love Goddess gig at all. He agrees and they execute the worst escape plan since… well maybe ever! The lifeboat goes back in the ocean and with some more stock footage and voiceover work Fred is back to being an astronaut in the sixties. Well shit…

In the sixties there was a trend from regional filmmakers when they made content for the drive-in circuit. Since they didn’t have the budget, crew, gear, and in many cases the talent to compete with Hollywood they had to find another way to get the audience to show up. The easiest way to accomplish that was to titillate the audience with things that they weren’t getting elsewhere. That is exactly what Six She’s and a He is trying to do. While we don’t get any nudity, it was the early sixties and Florida was still a bit restrictive as to what you could get away with, there are a lot of lovely ladies dancing around in bikinis. In fact, that is most of the story if you can even call it a story. The pattern is some day labor with a bit of dialogue followed by a lady in a bikini dancing in a pool waiting for Fred to “take care of business”.

That is the plot in it’s entirety. This is repeated four times before Fred is strapped to a pole and cut/beat until the ladies close their eyes and hum/moan. It is at this point Desiree cuts him loose and they make a break for it. Why does this work? How come none of them notice this? Has anything I’ve mentioned so far make you think they are going to take the time to explain? There is a girl fight and then they leave on the lifeboat. There is really zero story here. The script is from actor William Kerwin who appeared in several movies from directors H.G. Lewis and William Grefe who shot a lot in Florida. This is his first writing credit, and I can confirm he doesn’t get better with practice.

There are a few attempts at gore with the severed head and an extended sequence where the Nazi is stabbed and his guts are pulled out. I imagine that this was horrifying for an early sixties audience so that had to be effective. This is another example of indie filmmakers giving the paying customer something Hollywood wouldn’t or couldn’t. While the gore is still fun it is far too brief to make this movie worth a watch. The ladies and implied naughty activities haven’t aged well and while they may have shocked when new it has gotten tedious. Though to be fair to all involved in the making of Six She’s and a He I don’t think they were trying to make art or expected the movie to still be around. This was a quickie shot on the cheap cash in to play as the second or third feature at the local passion pit aka. drive-in. Again, I can’t recommend this one, but it is an interesting bit of cinematic history.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Hickey and Boggs (1972)

This is an interesting movie that I was recently reminded about when some folks online were talking about it. It had been on my to watch list before but as is the case when I have so many damn movies to check out, I had forgotten about it. Based on a script written by Walter Hill (48 Hours, The Warriors) and directed by Robert Culp, who also stars, it follows a pair of detectives played by Culp and frequent co-star Bill Cosby. Am I allowed to like a Bill Cosby movie anymore?

We follow along as they are hired to find a woman named Mary Jane, which seems like a simple job. But this gets them into a lot of trouble as Mary Jane is tangled up in some missing money from a robbery that the mob wants back. I think it is her husband that was part of the crew that stole the money and then hid it from the gangsters that were either owed a cut or planned the crime. The movie doesn’t really tell us too much about that. What we do see is our detectives Hickey (Cosby) and Boggs (Culp) running around Los Angeles dodging mob hitmen, the police, and other folks looking for Mary Jane and the missing cash which she is trying to launder. This leads to some shootouts, fist fights, and a finale that honestly, I didn’t see coming.

I’m trying to keep things a bit vague as much of the fun here is watching the story unfold. What I’ve shared about the stolen money, Mary Jane, and the mob is shown early on. But there are some other plot twists that I don’t want to spoil. What I can say is that I rather enjoyed the movie. The story plays out like an old film noir with some hardboiled detectives dealing with the criminal underground dodging bullets while trying to get some resolution. Even after getting fired they keep at it. Why? I’m not entirely sure but I get the feeling that they have some sort of code that makes them feel they must see it thru. But then again by then they have figured out that some serious cash is involved. Plus, there is a thing that happens later which makes it very personal for Hickey.

I will admit that like many of the hard boiled detective flicks this one does meander a bit and leans so heavily into the dozens of characters that it can feel a bit long and confusing at points. The filmmakers don’t feel obliged to spoon feed the audience how all the characters and goings on connect to one another. This is the sort of movie that you have to pay close attention to and even then, might lose you. Now I like that sort of thing, so I had no issues with it. I just wanted to point it out.

The cast here is solid and filled with many familiar faces. Not only do we have the stars Culp and Cosby, but this is a whose who of seventies television stars and character actors. Rosalind Cash (Good Times, Uptown Saturday Night) is Hickey’s ex, Robert Mandan (Soap, Kojak) is the mob boss, Michael Moriarty (Law and Order, The Stuff) is one of his henchmen. Hell Isabel Sanford (The Jeffersons) has a blink and you will miss it bit part. When you have a cast this good it is hard to make a bad movie.

Hickey and Boggs has a gritty take that many later seventies flicks would share. While I won’t say that this is to the level as something like The French Connection, Chinatown, or Serpico it does scratch a familiar itch. If you haven’t seen this one before and like those movies I think you may enjoy it. If nothing else it might be worth a watch just to see an early writing effort from Walter Hill as well as the only feature movie directed by Robert Culp. That last one really bugs me because I think he had an interesting vision and would have loved to see more from him as a director. As of the writing of this review you can find this one floating around the internet to watch for free as well as a reasonably priced DVD.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Curucu, Beast of the Amazon (1956)

We see a woman collecting water from a river, which we later find out is the Amazon. She hears a strange noise and is then attacked by a strange looking feathered creature with claws. Later we see a plane land and a man is taken to her body. He owns the plantation where the killing happened and is there to see why all his workers have left. Seems that the natives are scared and have returned to their villages upriver to avoid the monster. This is important later. His name is Rock Dean because I suppose it is a cool name.

Rock then goes to see his father at a club where we are treated to a dance number. Then we get back to the business at hand when Rock tells them he is going into the jungle farther than a white man has gone before to retrieve his workers. We also meet a lady doctor, Andrea Romar, who wants to go with him because the headhunters have a medicine that will cure cancer. Um… going looking for headhunters seems like a bad idea but okay. After some arguing she forces the issue by hiring his guide and making him take her along. The guide’s name is Tupanico, which is also important later.

There is then a lot of footage of animals as well as some stock footage because there is more than one that isn’t native to the Amazon Jungle. Oh yeah, I totally forgot to mention that this was shot on location in Brazil. That is surprising since this sort of movie was normally shot on studio backlots. But that also means they seemingly fall in love with the various shots of the characters walking thru the beautiful scenery. Because not much else happens. Eventually we find out that there is no monster but instead Tupanico was dressed in a costume to scare his people, he is a headhunter in disguise, back home and away from the plantations. See I told you that was important.

Most of the movie is walking and canoeing.

I’ve been “bait and switched” by a movie poster! I thought I was getting into a monster movie but instead I got something much different. Curucu is nothing more than a lame adventure travelogue that is mostly characters walking or canoeing along with some animal footage tossed in to show us the amazing sites they are seeing. Damn it movie you sold me on some monsters and I got nothing! If the movie had at least been a decent adventure flick I suppose it would have been fine, but nothing happens. There is little to no actual story here beyond them walking.

I could complain about the creature being a lame costume, but it is supposed to be a lame costume. It has a very Scooby Doo vibe to it except not as much fun. The cast is headlined by John Bromfield who looks to have been mostly a “B” Western actor. I’d never heard of him before and based on this movie I can sort of see why. What did catch my attention and made me want to watch this was our female lead. Dr. Romar is played by the lovely Beverly Garland who most fans will recognize from flicks like It Conquered the World, The Neanderthal Man, and The Alligator People. Trust me those are much better flicks than this one though that bar is very low. Here she is given nothing to do other than stare at things and scream when a native sticks their face out of the bushes.

This was such a disappointment. I hadn’t even mentioned yet that it was written and directed by Curt Siodmak who was responsible for flicks like Donovan’s Brain, Earth vs. the Flying Saucers, as well as some of the classic Universal stuff like The Wolf Man and The Invisible Man Returns. Not sure what happened here but it wasn’t good. I can’t recommend spending your valuable time on this movie which is a bummer.

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

The Muthers (1976)

I pride myself on being a bit of a connoisseur of Philippine movies made for the drive-in market but will admit when Joe Bob Briggs showed this one it was new to me. Between being a big fan of The Last Drive-in as well as movies from the Philippines I had to check it out.

The action kicks off with a boat full of pirates lead by a couple lovely ladies, Kelly and Angie, who rob from the rich folks and share it with those living in their small village. We see this right away as they rob a yacht party. They also get into a tussle with a rival pirate crew led by Turko. This will be important later. When they get back to the village after the fight they discover that Kelly’s sister has run off and go looking for her. After a bit of poking around a government man shows up to let them know that the sister has been kidnapped and is being used as forced labor on a coffee plantation run by a bad dude named Monteiro. If they help them infiltrate the camp not only will they save the sister but will also be pardoned for being pirates.

Of course they agree and next we see them they have been captured and are in the process of being delivered to the camp. As they arrive Kelly sees her sister being taken off on a truck but can’t speak to her. Later we find out that she has escaped and fled into the nearby jungle. After seeing what happens to escapees that are caught the sister is found and murdered in front of the camp. The rescue mission now has become all about revenge. A bunch of people die, Turko shows back up in league with Monteiro, and eventually after much violence everyone gets what is coming to them.

I really wanted to like this one. Sadly, it just isn’t a good movie despite checking a lot of boxes. We get nudity, violence, revenge, and irredeemable bad guys. But this is all hamstrung by the movie pulling back before diving too deep into the reason you watch a flick like this. It almost seems like director Cirio Santiago “self-neuters” The Muthers to avoid pushing too many buttons. That is an awful idea since in a movie like this which seems tailor made for the drive-in circuit you are supposed to go places that big studio productions won’t. In that way they completely miss the boat… pun not intended.

Pew pew pew...

The action bits are okay. At times it is a bit awkward, especially when the actresses try to do their Kung Fu movies on much larger men. But there is a charm to those gags. We also get a lot of gunfights, girl fights, and even a snakebite! Then again, we get an extended sequence of them being chased thru the jungle by Monteiro and Turko after finally making good their escape from the camp. This leads to lots of them talking and walking which kills any momentum that the flick had managed to build up. For an eighty three minute long movie The Muthers feels extremely slow and tedious.

One more thing that I wanted to mention. Where the hell is Vic Diaz? I thought it was illegal to make a drive-in flick in the Philippines without casting him in a role! Okay I’m joking… sort of. Seriously though I was very disappointed with this one. It had a lot of the elements for success but simply fails to seal the deal. I can’t recommend it. If you want to watch a decent women in prison flick with a similar plot, check out Jack Hill’s The Big Bird Cage. And yes, if you were wondering, it does have Vic Diaz in it.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)

The seventies were a weird time to be alive. Trust me I was there. One of the strangest things that happened was Kiss. They started out as a great band with a weird hook of never being seen without their makeup on and when they had conquered the music world branched out to keep expanding their brand. Of course, this was long before celebrities had concepts of branding and whatnot. Trust me it was all quite innovative.

This all leads me to Kiss and their Marvel Comic book. It created a weird backstory for them where each of the bandmembers had some sort of talisman that gave them superpowers, including making rock and roll music. That is important because this made for television movie is basically a live action version of that comic book. Here the band is playing a series of shows at an amusement park. Also at the park is an engineer named Abner who complains about his budget getting cut to fund the shows which is impacting his life’s work. The guy is in charge of the robotics and exhibits. If you have ever been to Disney and seen the Hall of Presidents, you know what they were going for.

As much as Abner’s work has helped establish the park Kiss brings in a much larger crowd and therefore gets more money/attention. This eventually leads to him being fired and for his full on mad scientist mode to engage. The only solution is to replace the band with robots who will sing the classic songs with new lyrics. These new words will whip up the fans and cause them to destroy the park completing Abner’s revenge. The only way he can capture the band is to steal their talismans, which he does. Lucky for the world the boys manage to escape, defeat the doppelgangers, and sing the proper lyrics so everyone can “Rock’n’roll all Nite”.

You know I truly get the fact that a lot of fans hate Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley for how they have marketed and, in many ways, exploited their fanbase. Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park and the comic book that preceded it is the demarcation where many think things went wrong. I’m not going to argue that because I’m at best a casual fan of the band and don’t feel qualified to debate that. Also as far as this movie goes what happened afterwards doesn’t impact my enjoyment of it in any way. And I really do like this movie as it hits me in a couple different ways.

First up is my love for made for television movies. This was made for NBC and has that sort of charm that you can only get from a project made under the watchful eye of the censors. In other words, they had to be more creative and couldn’t just lean into violence and sleaze like many drive-in releases (that I also dearly love) were apt to do. Here the writers do their best to make this as cartoonish as possible with dialogue that feels like it belonged on the pages of the Marvel Comic book. And the fights are gloriously goofy with them doing battle at different times with robot monkey monsters, the classics of Dracula, Wolfman, the Mummy, and the Frankenstein’s monster, as well as robot Kiss. We get much Kiss Fu as well as laser beam eyes from Star Child and fire breathing from the Demon.

Trust me kids this was cool back in my day!

Second, I miss the seventies and this one checks a lot of boxes for me. First the soundtrack is filled with classic songs from the masked up era of Kiss. A few highlights are Rock’n’roll All Nite, Beth, and Shout it out Loud. I remember these songs blaring from my radio when I was a kid and it put a smile on my face hearing them again. If that isn’t enough seventies ‘member berries for you how about I tell you who made this movie. This was produced by Hanna-Barbera Productions, which explains the cartoonish look and story. And despite being made for television there are also some crazy fun legendary things that slipped by the censors, which was also the sort of debates that could only happen on playgrounds before the internet. Now all these kids have cell phones and can get stills right away to end arguments. I miss the old days. The seventies were a magical time of good music, weird movies, and ladies not wearing bras. Hey, I was just a kid but even I noticed that and yes despite this being a television movie that apparently was allowed to slide.

On a side note I remember how controversial certain toy lines and cartoons were in the eighties when adult properties like Rambo where repackaged for children. Lots of folks think that was a new thing but here we have an entire movie coming from a production company best known for cartoons like Scooby Doo making a hard drinking and hard loving band (read the different band members books… Holy Crap!) accessible for the younger fans.

Is Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park a good movie? Probably not. But it is an amazing snapshot of pop culture in the mid to late seventies. I do wonder if folks without my fond memories of that decade will be quite as enamored with it, but in the end I have to go with my gut. I think that this is a silly good time and worth a watch. It can be a bit of a challenge to find as for many years the band tried to bury it but if you look hard enough it is out there.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Pray for the Wildcats (1974)

One of the best things about made for television movies is that if you had a couple of familiar faces the network would pretty much let you make whatever movie you wanted to if you stayed within the budget. Pray for the Wildcats is a prime example of this, but more on that later. 

There is an AD agency trying to sell a powerful and rich business owner on their latest campaign to sell his heavy equipment (think tractors and bulldozers) by shooting it in Baja Mexico. This is because that is the most inhospitable terrain in the world, at least according to the movie. He manipulates the top three guys at the agency into going on a dirt bike ride thru the desert with him because he can approve the campaign unless he sees where they want to shoot it. Because he is so powerful and rich they have to agree and he knows it. 

So off they go but not before we find out that Warren, one of the AD guys, is in the process of being forced out of the agency and is trying to land this one last account. Or that is what he wants everyone to think as it becomes obvious that he is setting up his own suicide to look like an accident so his family can cash in his fat new insurance policy. Warren was also having an affair with Paul’s wife. The evil businessman, Farragut, gets into trouble almost immediately by getting fresh with a hippy girl and then causing both her and her boyfriend to die by stranding them in the middle of nowhere when he is rebuffed. Warren insists on telling the police, but the other guys are worried more about the account. Shenanigans ensue as the previously suicidal Warren is now ironically fighting for his life just to see justice done. 

Now that you have heard the plot let me tell you who the cast is. The two cowardly AD men are played by seventies mainstay Marjoe Gortner (H.G. Wells Food of the Gods) and television dad Robert Reed (The Brady Bunch). Our hero is everyone’s favorite William Shatner! Here he oddly enough is playing the part subdued and without his signature over the top line delivery. We also get Angie Dickinson and Lorraine Gary of Jaws fame as a couple of the AD men’s wives. But the craziest bit of casting must be for Farragut our murderous rich guy who likes to manhandle the ladies. Somewhere someone read this script and said to themselves “We should get Andy Griffith to play this.” What the actual Hell!

What a cast!

The reason that I started by talking about the cast rather then the story is because much of my issue with the plot has to do with the cast. Shatner is actually quite good in his role as the tortured Warren. He just wants his family to be taken care of and has to deal with his guilt over the affair. Despite his flaws when he sees the girl and boy die because of Farragut all his plans go out the window to see that they get justice. That is a decent character arc and is probably the most interesting part of the movie. 

Where things go off the rails for me is Griffith trying to play the heavy. Maybe with better material or direction he might have pulled it off. But here his natural charisma and overall kindly persona makes for a dichotomy between the characters actions and the performance bringing it to the screen that I just can’t get past. He is horribly miscast in the role and without a good antagonist Pray for the Wildcats doesn’t work. Toss in some horrible pacing where we watch them dirt bike across the desert for long stretches and the unnecessary drama with the wives back home for a tedious hour and forty minute runtime. 

I wanted to like this movie both because of the cast and my overall love of made for television movies. But this is a flawed movie that basically misfires and isn’t worth the time to watch. I can’t recommend it but will continue to dig for that next classic made for the small screen. Until then maybe go watch A Cold Night’s Death or The Possessed.

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Mad Heidi (2022)

The movie takes place in a dystopian version of Switzerland. We see a protest against the government mandating a single cheese manufacturer, one controlled by the “very Swiss Leader”. This results in the black shirted stormtroopers gunning down the crowd. This is important later as you will see. Then the action moves twenty years later when we see a mountain girl, Heidi, spending some grown up “quality time” with her fella Goat Peter. Why is he named Goat Peter? Because he has goats which allows him to make goat cheese. This is illegal because only government approved swiss cheese is allowed. When he gets caught and is executed by the evil Kommendant in front of Heidi it sets some stuff in motion. Bad stuff…

Heidi is chased back to her grandfather’s farm. Here we find out he was a leader of the rebellion we saw earlier, and that Heidi’s parents were killed in the crowd. It seems that in the shootout that results he dies and Heidi is tossed in prison. But later we see that the grandfather lived and eventually after she breaks out and has an awesome training montage to become the hero Switzerland needs, they reunite to defeat the evil President Meili aka. “our very Swiss Leader”. Many goofy and awesome shenanigans are had along the way! 

It seems like I’ve been waiting for this movie forever! I was so excited when it finally showed up and I have to say it wasn’t a disappointment. The movie is a loving homage/parody of everything exploitation from the seventies. We have the Swiss government lead by “our very Swiss leader” played by Casper Van Dien wearing their black uniforms standing in for the Nazis. There is also a sequence when Heidi is caught and tossed in jail that has definite Women in Prison vibes, which was another mainstay of seventies exploitation. There is also a brief Blaxploitation nod with the wardrobe and dialogue of Goat Peter, which had me cracking up. Seriously though we should all dress as smoothly as Goat Peter. The trick that the filmmakers do very well here is never staying too long on a joke and moving onto the next funny bit.

Our "very Swiss Leader"

Speaking of funny bits there is also some great dialogue like the Nazi like salute followed by “Long Live our very Swiss Leader” and some catchy one-liners like “Rest in cheese bitch!” to amuse us along the way. Oh and there is a bit with the mug shot for Goat Peter that I couldn’t believe that they did but cracked me up. These are just a few examples from a movie that is incredibly funny. This along with all the movie homages/references kept things running smoothly and quickly which itself made for a very fun time.

In addition to the nods to exploitation flicks the movie also includes some awesome Swiss themed kills. First is the reoccurring theme of them killing lactose intolerant folks with various types of cheese related tortures. We also get exploding heads, stabbings with human bones, people split in half, death by accordion, an overinflated government official, and my personal favorite… death by Toblerone! These are all very much on theme with the movie and were fun.

It is quite rare that a movie I’ve been waiting for not only meets my expectations but exceeds them. Mad Heidi is one of those flicks and I can’t recommend it enough. This is such a lovingly silly effort from filmmakers who clearly love the same stuff that many of us do that we need to support it. Go out now and rent or purchase this movie. I know they want to make a sequel and that is the best way as fans we can make sure that happens.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Road Trip to the Drive-in – Vin and Nic double feature!

After a few aborted attempts to make my way to the drive-in, the weather in Ohio never cooperates this time of year, I finally got to watch some movies outside under the stars. I do love my local drive-in theaters and yes I’m lucky to have a few around me. Within a forty minute drive I have three, but my favorite is Magic City, which is where I managed to catch a double feature of Fast X and Renfield. 

I got to Magic City early enough that there wasn’t much of a line. I was a bit concerned about it being the Sunday before Memorial Day, but it wasn’t too bad. Though cars kept arriving after I was parked and even during the first twenty minutes of Fast X. After getting a primo spot I headed off to the snack bar to pick up my traditional treat. While they still have cheeseburgers and hotdogs, I’ve always been partial to some tasty hot pretzels with nacho cheese. Since I’ve missed out on a couple of weeks due to rain, I thought I’d pick up a couple of them. Yeah, a lame excuse but I’m a grown ass man so if I want to eat badly then I can! They were quite good in case you were wondering. 

After some previews of coming attractions our first movie of the night kicked off. Say what you want to about the Fast and Furious film franchise, but I like it. These flicks are all about fast cars defying gravity while being loud and dumb. That last bit doesn’t just apply to the action sequences either. Fast X checked all those boxes with returning characters, including one in the post credits scene that surprised the hell out of me. Don’t they hate each other? Then again, these movies are a virtual license to print money so I suppose they were able to bury whatever beef they might have for a fat payday. 

Without going into too many details and spoiling the flick I can say that this movie was decent. In fact, my only real complaint is that it ends on a cliffhanger that will have to wait a couple of years for them to resolve in the next and supposedly final entry. Though at some point during production I thought they said Fast X was the big finale. Confused? See my point above about how much money these flicks make. 

After a brief intermission where I used the men’s room it was time for Renfield to start. This movie has been out for a while but since I don’t do brick and mortar theaters anymore this was my first chance to check it out. I remember this one catching my attention when I first heard that Nic Cage was playing Dracula. I’ve been loving his recent output (Willy’s Wonderland is killer) and was looking forward to it. Honestly though this was a mixed bag for me. 

The movie is at its best when Cage is on screen chewing up scenery. He plays an excellent, scary Dracula all while still being a bit quirky. This leads to some funny lines of dialogue and a lot of blood and guts. Hell, even when he isn’t on screen there is a ton of gore happening. Arms getting torn off, throats ripped to shreds, as well as Riki-Oh style x-ray shots showing organs and bones getting pulverized are just a few of the highlights. Some of this is practical effects work but even the CGI is done well enough that it is a good time. 

But when the movie is focused on the titular character things slow down a bit. I don’t blame the actor, Nicholas Hoult, as he is very good in the role. It is just that the script doesn’t give him much to do other than be mopey and spout off self help nonsense he learned in his support group. He also gets a love interest in local cop Rebecca, who is played by Awkwafina. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of her but she is legitimately good here despite also not being given much to do. There is also a criminal family that gets zero development and almost feels like a late addition to the script to setup the finale. So, we have good gore and a decent cast that is let down by an underdeveloped script. I’ve seen this story done much better in the Pittsburgh lensed Innocent Blood. Still, I was happy to have caught this in the drive-in and not waited to see it streaming at home.

As the credits rolled, I packed up my stuff and headed home. It was a beautiful night to watch some movies under the stars and an even better one for a nice ride home. I sincerely hope that the weather is good for a few more trips this summer and that the double features are appealing. If I head out again I’ll post them here. I’d also love to hear from you guys about your favorite trips to the drive-in. Until next time keep watching crappy movies!

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Throwback Thursday - Fever Dream by Preston and Child

note: This is another review that I wrote many years ago for my old website. I'm still obsessed with the characters and the work from Preston and Child. Their books still are some of the best action/adventure/mystery stories going today. 

Since I sat down to read The Relic when it first came out years ago I’ve been a big fan of the work of the authors Preston and Child. Together they have written some very entertaining and thrilling books. Really more than once I’ve found myself watching the sun come up as I’ve spent a Friday or Saturday night reading an entire novel in one sitting! While I didn’t read Fever Dream in one sitting, I did enjoy the book immensely. 

The story involves a recurring character named Special Agent Pendergast, who has been the featured character in several of their novels. Here we the reader are introduced to his wife, Helen, who I don’t think has ever been mentioned before. Spoiler Alert: After a brief flashback that introduces her and then shows her terrible death the action moves to the present. Quite on accident Pendergast discovers evidence that proves his wife was murdered and sets off with the help of his old friend Detective D’Agosta (another reoccurring character) to track down who is responsible for her elaborate murder. To accomplish this they must retrace the last few years of Helen’s life, and while doing that they stir up a mystery from the past. Before you know it there are assassins taking shots at them and angry locals chasing them across the Bayou. 

This is such a great book. The story is very engaging and an excellent read. There is a fine balance between action and mystery. The plot isn’t overly complicated but does offer a few unexpected twists and turns that held my attention from the first page to the last. Though I will admit this is the first of their novels that I figured out before the end it didn’t diminish my enjoyment at all. Probably because I expected that I was wrong and was pleasantly surprised when the big reveal came. By now the characters are very familiar and well rounded, but even with that I love how each of the books that feature the Pendergast character gives us just a bit more of his background and family history. Here we get introduced to his life as a big game hunter and of course his brief marriage and wife. The authors do a wonderful job weaving this into the existing character without having to go back and “rewrite” history to make it fit. I also really dig how the book resolves nicely all while setting up a couple more plot lines that will need to be resolved in future works. 

Really if you haven’t taken the time to read one of the novels from Preston and Child you need to give one a try. I’ve been hooked since their first book and can say without qualification that I’ve yet to be disappointed by them. At least when the work together that is. Hell, my only real complaint is that I’m dying to figure out what happens with the plot lines they left dangling at the end of the book! Hurry up and get to writing damn it… 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

Mysterious Island (1961)

Set at the end of the Civil War we watch as some Union prisoners break out of a Confederate prison and make their escape in a balloon. This all happens while a huge storm is blowing in and it carries them all the way across the country. When things finally calm they find themselves far out over the Pacific Ocean. The balloon crashes near an island and after swimming to shore they realize that they are now marooned there. After some exploration they discover survivors from a shipwreck, which introduces our ladies and their love interests. They go about setting up house and trying to survive.

This is complicated by the presence of oversized animals like giant crabs, chickens, and bees. But why are these things so huge? It turns out that Captain Nemo has been experimenting with gigantism to solve the world’s hunger issues. Yes, that Nemo of the Nautilus! For a while he quietly helps the survivors while staying hidden. But when some pirates show up and start blasting away with their cannons, he reveals himself. But it isn’t just the pirates that are a threat as the volcano on the island is about to erupt so they all need to make their escape. Sadly the Nautilus was damaged and can’t go back to sea, but he has a plan. This leads to the finale as they race against time to repair the now sunken pirate ship so they can sail away to safety.

This is a personal favorite of mine. I’ve been watching it since I was a kid as this was always playing on Saturday afternoons or during the summer. This is one of the first adventure movies that I can remember and along with Journey to the Center of the Earth was responsible for my lifelong love of everything Jules Verne. The movie itself holds up pretty well for being over sixty years old. The story is paced quickly and spaces out the good stuff evenly. We get an exciting prison break followed by the tumultuous balloon ride. When they land there is a big fight with a giant crab, some ladies washing up on shore, and then a giant chicken and bees. Hell, we even get some pirates attacking!

Sure, this is probably a bit hokey but imagine a young boy watching this. It checks all the boxes that a seven or eight year old me wanted to see. While I admit that nostalgia might be a big part of my love for Mysterious Island, I still think that it is fun. There is nothing wrong with a simple old school adventure story and this is certainly that.

If that doesn’t make you want to watch this one then how about some awesome stop motion effects work from the master Ray Harryhausen? As I’ve already mentioned we get a giant crab, chicken, and some bees all of which are brought to life with the magic of stop motion and composite shots. I especially loved the first gag with the crab. It turns out that instead of building the model from scratch with clay Harryhausen deviated from his normal process and built his armature inside and actual crab shell! I thought that was cool, so I had to mention it. Damn I almost forgot the giant octopus! Can’t have a Captain Nemo story without a giant octopus.

There are also some green screen shots with the balloon that were shot on a soundstage as well as some cool composite shots of them working underwater. There is even a model ruined city that I think was done just to show it tumbling down when the volcano erupts. I appreciate that. Toss in some neat sets with the interior of the Nautilus as well as the model work of the sunken pirate ship and you have more than enough cool visuals to keep anyone entertained.

In case it isn’t clear yet let me just come out and tell you that I love this movie. I could keep going on, but I think that I’ve made my point. I highly recommend everyone go look for a copy of Mysterious Island. As of the writing of this review the movie can be found on Amazon Prime as well as YouTube. It is well worth the three or four dollar rental.

 

© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer