This is
terrible… not even in a fun way. This is just an awful low budget attempt at
making a monster movie. I don’t even know where to start, but I will try. I
have a feeling this might be a short review. If you don’t want to take the time
to read it just let me tell you to avoid this flick.
We have
two cute girls who make out and tell ghost stories near a pond in the state of
Florida. One of them gets eaten… or at least as best I can tell from the shaky
camera and lack of lighting. Then we meet a local sheriff who gets caught up in
looking for a missing boy, who we know was eaten by something off screen. He
asks for help from some science dudes who may be involved in the creation of
the monster (spoiler… they are!). Though what that monster is I’m not quite
sure. More on that later. Stuff happens including another guy being a dick in a
bar and eventually spending a few minutes adding a backstory that we neither
needed nor wanted. Seriously the character never shows up again! Then they
shoot something, and the sheriff walks away.
If you
have a terminal illness and are on your deathbed this is the movie to watch. Honestly,
I’ve never had sixty-nine minutes of my life feel so damn long and I’ve watched
Manos without the MST3K treatment. This movie has the feel of a project that
either switched direction part way thru shooting or was in dire need of someone
with the basic concepts of continuity and editing. Let me give a few examples.
The
sheriff and his lady friend/deputy go to investigate the pond. She falls in and
gets killed which admittedly the sheriff is bummed about. He goes to a bar and
talks to the guy with the unnecessary backstory who convinces him to go get the
body from the morgue to use as bait. He does this but at no point does he or
anyone else mention the fact that we have already seen the coroner get killed earlier
in the movie. Did nobody wonder where he went or check the supply closet?
There is
also a pointless subplot with the assistants to the scientist guys who are in
on the shenanigans. They go off and bang in a tent because… why not? Afterwards
he gets killed and she gets gator raped? Or maybe just killed. But at least one
or more days go by and the characters are never mentioned by their employers. I
mean that tent had to be a mess so someone should have thought to question
things, right? Did I mention the tent was in the backyard of the house where everyone
else was staying? How did they miss that?
Both of
the above could have been cleaned up with a line or two of dialogue. It
wouldn’t have made the movie tolerable, but at least it would be less annoying.
Throughout the duration people keep talking about the giant croc or croc
alligator hybrid swimming around the lake. They continually use the words huge
and giant in the dialogue. Turns out it is this mousy guy in torn up clothes
with a Halloween mask of a dinosaur on his head. I mean it is supposed to be
the son of one of the science guys who was given an experimental cancer
treatment which is okay I suppose. I’m just describing how they executed it. It
reminded me of the old Mego action figure of The Lizard. Check the picture to
the right for an idea what I’m talking about (you youngsters probably have no
idea what Mego Action figures were).
This is a
total waste of time. I can forgive a bad creature due to small budget and even
will give them a pass on the downright awful acting. But there is no excuse for
a bad script and terrible editing. These are things that are within your
control regardless of money. Plan ahead and shoot what you need to make things
coherent. Crocodylus is a hard pass from me. Skip it.
© Copyright 2019 John Shatzer
