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I thought I'd kick the new year off with another movie marathon. I thought it was time to check out a few old school mystery flicks. Som...

Thursday, October 12, 2023

Huge Shark (aka. Red Water) (2021)

Shark movies have been popular lately or at least have been mined by filmmakers. This one kicks off with a couple of people on a rowboat spearfishing. How do you do that on a boat and not in the water? This isn’t the kind of movie where you ask logical questions. A shark shows up and eats them then we meet our main character, lady doctor. She has a name, but it doesn’t really matter much. Lady doctor is pretty and swims underwater. She also has a sister who is celebrating her birthday with her jerk boyfriend. Jerk boyfriend also brings along his boss, who is also pretty lady.

Are you with me so far? They go on a sailboat for a party. Sister is mad that jerk boyfriend invited lady boss along and acts like a child. This is how they all end up in the water when the shark shows up. They can’t get back on the sailboat, so they swim to a nearby abandoned rowboat. See how they tied the opening in? Well most of them do as sister is eaten offscreen right away. There is some dialogue that explains the drama of why lady boss was invited, and we find out that jerk boyfriend is a jerk. He gets eaten not long afterwards. Then lady boss shows her vulnerable side and becomes sympathetic and is eaten not long afterwards. Then lady doctor kills the shark. Movie over.

I did it again. I poked around streaming services looking for something I would likely regret watching and as it always does the internet provided. Here we have a movie that was made for Chinese television, or at least I think so. The information on this one is a bit sketchy so I had to piece things together from what I could find. Clocking in at only sixty-nine minutes long you would think that if nothing it at least wouldn’t be boring, but you would be wrong.

This Chinese knockoff simply copies other movies that have come out over the last few years. I suppose that is almost too much credit as a cash in when this is really a rip off of the Blake Lively flick The Shallows. Don’t believe me? The damn movie ends up with our heroine doing battle with the shark on a buoy/platform in the ocean. Sure here the main character is a diver instead of a surfer, but does it matter why you are in a wet suit? I think not. But like I’ve said many times while reviewing movies you don’t have to reinvent the wheel to make a fun flick. All you need to do is make it entertaining. Want to guess how well they do that with Huge Shark?

I’ve already hinted at the fact that his movie is painfully slow. Somehow despite being a shorter movie and lifting its entire story the filmmakers still manage to not have any meat on the bone. There is not tension as we always know when the shark is coming in for the attack. They literally show us it is coming! They also telegraph who is the next to die by either making them sympathetic or a complete ass right before they end up on the menu. This is the sort of thing that Deep Blue Sea pokes fun at with Samuel L. Jacksons exit in that flick. That is clever, this is just tedious. Toss in long stretches of dialogue to pad out the running time and you have the cure for insomnia.

The shark is CGI and despite them going cheap on the effects work we hardly get to see any of the attacks on the screen. When we do it is completely tame and disappointing. I will cut them some slack as I’m not sure what is allowed on Chinese television so that might not be their fault. But then they could have shot some more blood for a theatrical release since they had to know they were going to market here as a feature film. Then again that would have required some thought and effort to be put in and it doesn’t seem like that was something they thought about. If it isn’t obvious yet I’m not recommending this one.


© Copyright 2023 John Shatzer

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