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I thought I'd kick the new year off with another movie marathon. I thought it was time to check out a few old school mystery flicks. Som...

Friday, February 8, 2019

Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper (2014)

I’ve debated whether I should cover this for the Horror Dude Blog. The title gave me expectations of a decent low budget horror flick. The fact that director David DeCoteau was responsible for one of my favorite ‘80s low budget flicks, Sorority Babes in the Slime Bowl-O-Rama and I was sold. I had no idea that he made beefcake flicks for the homosexual male audience. Well I know that now…

This cover is selling me a different movie!
The movie opens up with a dude walking in the woods without a shirt on. That lasts for ten minutes as the credits roll. We get the idea that Bigfoot is around because there are several insert shots of him creeping around spying on the shirtless fellow. Eventually both end up at a house where there are a bunch of other shirtless guys. They decide to go hunting and need to change. One by one they go upstairs, take their pants off, and flex in the mirror before putting a different pair of pants on. This goes on for the next forty or so minutes!

During all this flexing there is just music and no dialogue. In fact, there is very little dialogue uttered at all during the movie. Eventually some of them go hunting… shirtless and in shorts. Bigfoot sneaks into the house and starts to kill everyone who is left off screen. While all of this goes on we get brief shots of D.B. Cooper hijacking the plane, getting the money, and parachuting to freedom. He eventually does show up at the house and there is about ten minutes of fun with Sasquatch before the movie ends. Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper was only a bit over seventy minutes long, but it felt like a much longer flick.

I’ve watched a lot of horror flicks. Some of which have Gay characters and are filled with Gay themes and plot lines. I don’t have any issues at all with the sexuality of the characters in my horror flicks! But this movie promises something in its title and barely delivers it. I’m about to tear this movie into tiny little shreds and I don’t want anyone to blame that on some sort of nonexistent homophobia. That has nothing to do with why this is a miserably boring waste of time.

No one hunts dressed like this!
First issue is that there is no plot. We see a lot of dudes wandering around in the woods without shirts on. When they are in the house each character wanders one at a time upstairs to get in his undies and flex for the mirror. That is what happens for the better part of an hour! Little to no dialogue, zero-character development is attempted, just half naked dudes. You want to watch this kind of movie cool. But I was sold a Bigfoot flick and random shots of a Bigfoot standing in the dark watching the shenanigans isn’t acceptable!

Over the course of the last ten minutes Bigfoot does kill some dudes. All of it bloodless and off-screen. Damn it man even some crappy gore and a bucket of fake blood would have been nice. Again, I was promised some Bigfoot and it was implied with the vs that I’d see some blood. Nothing happens until the last couple minutes when D.B. Cooper does finally show up and gets into a fist fight with the Bigfoot. Now that I liked. When I sit down to watch a movie like this I want it to be cheesy and dumb. Bad special effects are a must and the terrible creature costume is spot on. Would it have killed them to actually have more of the stupid stuff in the movie? I consider this a missed opportunity for a director that I know can make a goofy horror flick! 

I wonder if I should blame the director for the bait and switch we got here. Neither the description of the movie nor it's trailer warn you about what the movie actually is. Seriously watch the trailer above for all the Bigfoot mayhem contained in it. Well that is about all you get in the entire movie! Not a recommendation from me.

© Copyright 2019 John Shatzer

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