Train of the Dead (2007)

I like to check out horror movies from all over the world so I’m always on the lookout for them. When I found Train of the Dead on YouTube it seemed interesting. A ghost story from Thailand set on a train. I’m a sucker for flicks set on trains so I decided to dive right in.

We have two storylines that quickly intersect with each other. We meet a young man that doing motocross on his dirt bike. Think X-Games complete with the blaring generic music that goes along with one of those videos that the GoPro camera crowd likes to upload online. Thankfully we move quickly away from that to a group of criminals who are robbing a daycare facility, because I guess they have a lot of money. The robbery goes sideways and results in a police chase. That chase ends badly as the getaway van crashes into a shop that the young man from earlier is working at. They take him hostage and sneak onto a train that is leaving town. Almost immediately they notice the train is filled with some weird people that ignore them.

I’m debating how I should proceed with this review. On one hand I don’t want to spoil anything but on the other anyone who has ever watched a horror movie has to know what the big twist is going to be. To get into the nitty gritty of Train of the Dead I’m going to have to drop some spoilers on you. If you don’t like that sort of thing skip to the final paragraph that I promise won’t give anything away.

So here we go. They all died in the big crash/gunfight that ensued. If that weren’t obvious enough by the fact that we never see another police officer and/or the weird passengers, it is sealed by the fact that a member of the gang that we saw get shot down suddenly shows up on the train. Now this could be a cultural thing and the Thai audience it was made for wouldn’t be expecting a twist. But for me that knowing what was going on before the characters do spoiled much of the fun that could have been had by trying to figure out what the heck was happening. Seriously, this really tripped me up and got in the way of me enjoying Train of the Dead. It also didn’t help that the movie has some very slow spots that caused me to look at my watch more than once. It makes for a boring hour and a half.

There are some good things about the movie. You get a couple solid jump scares with some ghosts coming back to haunt the gang members as they start to figure out what is going on. I also liked the train as transportation to hell setting. This leads to some interesting ideas of the afterlife that aren’t what you would normally see in a western movie. Cultural differences are one of the reasons that I dig watching international horror flicks. There is a cool bit with the idea that people who should have died but are being kept alive by machines get stuck in a holding pattern unable to move along. That idea is fascinating, and I think will stick with me.

Do I recommend the movie? In spite of the things that I mentioned above the overall glacial pacing and long drawn out scenes where nothing happens is too much to overcome. The good stuff gets buried and isn’t enough to recommend Train of the Dead. I’m going to suggest you pass on this one.

© Copyright 2020 John Shatzer 

Wolfcop (2014)

I’m going to do something a bit different with this review. Normally I let you know at the end if the movie is getting my recommendation or not. Most of the time you likely know which way I’m leaning before that, but it still isn’t “official” until the last paragraph. Hear me now… GO WATCH WOLFCOP! This movie is awesome, and I love it. If you need convincing, then feel free to continue reading.

Woodhaven is a small town best known for its world-famous drink and shoot! Basically, they invite a bunch of hunters to get wasted and head out into the woods with loaded firearms. Folks really seem to like it and they get angry when it is cancelled. Though the authorities sort of had to do it when a body is found in the woods. Lucky for everyone that local cop Lou Garou is on the job. Well actually he is a drunk that accidentally stumbled onto the weird ritual murder and only kind of remembers what he saw. The important thing to know is that he is now a werewolf and a cop. WOLFCOP!

Be warned spoilers are coming. Really if you haven’t seen the movie go watch it now! Well I warned you… Woodhaven is infested with shapeshifters who need to kill a werewolf every thirty-two years to keep themselves alive and in power. Something about the blood does it. They pick Lou to curse because he certainly isn’t going to give them any problems since he is an incompetent drunk. Of course, being the natural born hero that he is they thought wrong!

Horror comedies are hard to pull off. Sometimes you are really funny but lack the gore to scratch that itch. Other times the horror works but the comedy doesn’t. Here we get the perfect formula with lots of laughs and plenty of blood in the perfect ratio. Lou Garou is played up as the village idiot, which is why he is chosen to become the werewolf. This allows some early slapstick stuff as Lou stumbles his way thru becoming the creature. He goes from drunken shenanigans to supernaturally powerful drunken shenanigans. This is all with the help of the local gun shop owner and conspiracy nut, Willy. Lou stops a robbery, gets some liquor doughnuts, and customizes his car in a great montage scene. There is never a dull moment as the story and jokes come at you quick. This is what happens when you have a great script before turning the camera on.

Trust the liquor!

Wolfcop is also a very bloody movie. I know when we got our first transformation scene that the filmmakers hadn’t skimped on the gore. The first time Lou “wolfs out” he is in the men’s room. How does one put this politely? He inner wolf busts out of his wang! Then some dudes come in to capture him (they are late and are working for the bad guys) which leads to some flesh ripping limb tossing goodness. More mayhem ensues as Lou works his way thru the minions of the shapeshifters before the big finale. Which I’d like to add involves an alcohol power up.

This movie has everything that a fan would want from a horror comedy. It is funny and gross. You get cool one-liners and a face ripped off. What isn’t to love? I keep saying it but will do so yet again. GO WATCH WOLFCOP! I highly recommend it.

© Copyright 2020 John Shatzer

The Stepfather (1987)

The time has come for me to take a critical look at an old video rental favorite of mine. The Stepfather stars Terry O’Quinn as a man in search of the perfect family. Now as all of you out there know that is an impossible task. Unfortunately, when O’Quinn’s character realizes that his current family isn’t going to fit his idea of familial bliss he bails and goes in search of a new one. Though unlike most people he doesn’t get a divorce he murders them all instead! We know this because we see him changing his appearance and walking over the bodies of his current family in the opening scenes of the movie.

With that setup we see him married again, now going under the name Jerry Blake, and trying his best to be a good stepfather to Stephanie. Things are going a bit rough, but it looks to be getting better as teenage Stephanie starts to appreciate Jerry. But then the brother of the woman he killed earlier (the first family) convinces the local newspaper to bring the story back up a year after the crime. The jig is up for Jerry and he knows it is only a matter of time before he is found out. Plus, it just isn’t working out with Stephanie and her mother, so it is looking like he needs to try again fresh. Yep, time for more killings.

Let me start off by shooting down the idea that this is a “classic” of the eighties. The Stepfather is a very good movie but in no way is it on the level of Evil Dead or Re-Animator. Those movies bring a lot to the table and have so many reasons to love them. The Stepfather has one thing going for it and that is Terry O’Quinn as the titular character. He gives one of the best performances in any horror movie from a decade filled with some good ones. There are scenes where he is saying all the “right” things but there is a look in his eyes that tells you he is contemplating the best way to murder you at that very moment. It is subtle and disturbing on so many levels.

This is one creepy dude

The character also hardly every raises his voice even when he is stalking and killing people! So, when he does it is used to great effect. Specifically, I’m thinking of the basement scene where he reacts in private to the news article in the paper about the earlier killings, and his total overreaction to Stephanie getting a goodnight kiss. This allows those scenes to be even more powerful than they otherwise would have been because the audience can see the character getting desperate and knows what happens when he feels the need to run away.

Now I don’t want to imply that other than O’Quinn the movie is subpar. The writing does a good job supporting and setting up his performance. The best example of this is a bit early on when he steps over the body of his young daughter that gets called back to several times as he deals with the kids of his clients. They think he is just a charming family man who they can trust, but we know that he flat out murdered a child and thought nothing of it. That brings an additional level of creepy that helps set the tone. My point is that while there are some good things here, they all are either in support of or overshadowed by the main character. Remove him and the rest of it feels rather generic.

Sure he kills people... but he also is an animal lover.

Speaking of generic the kills in the movie are disappointing. Other than some fun with a two by four and a stabbing we only see the bodies afterwards. Both of the kills that I mentioned cut away before anything too graphic is seen. Though the lumber inspired beatdown has a brutality to it that was interesting. I know that many might make the point that this isn’t the kind of movie that hangs its hat on a bunch of gore. While I don’t disagree, some good kills would have been a nice addition to The Stepfather and ties back into my original point of not quite reaching the level of classic.

Perhaps I’m splitting hairs with this review. Clearly, I like it and will be recommending the movie. Terry O’Quinn is awesome in the role and that alone is worth a watch. I just have always had this feeling that they could have taken that performance and supported it with a bit more horror in the gore and scares. The Stepfather could have been a bona fide classic but ended up as a very good movie instead.  

© Copyright 2020 John Shatzer

The Head Hunter (2018)

The Head Hunter is set in vaguely Nordic fantasy world populated with all sorts of monsters. Our character, and for most of the movie the only character we see, is simply known as father. His life is hunting monsters and killing them. Thru a series of flashbacks and grave visits we discover that his daughter was killed by a monster and that he has been hunting for it ever since. Along the way he answers the horn, which blows frequently, that summons him for another mission. Eventually this brings him back to the creature that killed his child and he successfully slays it, ready to hang it with his other trophies. But something bad happens and things get messy.

I want to keep my plot synopsis vague because I really enjoyed this movie and don’t want to spoil anything. The plot is simple and straightforward, while at the same time extremely engaging. For most of the movie we see the results of his hunting but not the fight. The horn echoes and he leaves with the next scene him returning with a bag containing the noggin’ of the unfortunate monster that crossed his path. The rest of the time is him going about his business of fixing up his isolated cabin, visiting his daughter’s grave, and using some concoction he mixes up to heal himself of the wounds he gets from his many fights.

I’m not sure why but I was fascinated by what should have been rather slow and mundane things aspects of his day. I suppose it was partly due to how they parse the story and background of the character out slowly and keep hinting that there is going to be a big payoff at the end. Which there is, but not what you would expect and that is another reason I love The Head Hunter. It keeps messing with the audience’s expectations which is great. The filmmakers manage to walk that tightrope of keeping the viewer off balance and engaged at the same time. No matter what was on screen I needed to know what happened next to Father.

I love how gritty and lived in this world feels.

The sets, armor, and monsters (again mostly just the heads on the wall) are pulled off incredibly well. They look lived in and if you watch closely the armor shows more wear and tear as the movie progresses. The filmmakers pay close attention to detail and as a viewer who has been accused of being somewhat picky about those sorts of things, I very much appreciated it. The latex heads hanging on the wall are beautifully made and look lifelike. The one big monster fight we get at the end is shot well and exciting. Honestly this movie is damn near perfect!

I guess my only complaint is the ending, which I did not like. Again, I’m going to keep the spoilers at a minimum, so all I can say is that it isn’t necessarily a bad way to end the story of Father. I just liked the character so much I wish it had been different. In the end this is one of the finest independent movies I’ve seen in the last twenty years. I’m not exaggerating about this. The Head Hunter is my new gold standard for making movies with next to no budget. This movie feels like they had a million dollars but in reality, the budget was only about thirty thousand. How the hell did they pull this off? Bravo guys and if it isn’t clearly obvious yet I’m highly recommending this one.

© Copyright 2020 John Shatzer 

Super 8 (2011)

As a rule, there aren’t many big budget movies that I get too excited about or even feel like I should cover for the horror dude blog. Super 8 is an exception to that rule. It has some science fiction elements and we get a monster that eats people! I never knew we were so crunchy. Yeah, this one belongs here.

To establish the characters, we see that the lead, a boy named Joe Lamb, has just lost his mother in a terrible accident. We are also introduced to his motley group of friends that say inappropriate things on accident. We also meet a man that comes to the funeral only to be tossed out and arrested by Joe’s father who is a local deputy. We later find out Joe’s mother was covering the man’s shift when she was killed so his dad has some issues with him.

Four months later school lets out for summer and the boys start to shoot their own zombie movie on, you guessed it, Super 8. Recruited into the cast is a young lady named Alice who Joe has a crush on. Unfortunately, she is the daughter of the man who was tossed from the funeral, which complicates things with both of their fathers. The crew are shooting at night when a train crash happens right in front of them. Actually, it happens all around them as they are dodging debris while the cars disintegrate around them. It was no accident though because Joe watched a truck drive down the tracks causing the derailment. What they don’t realize until reviewing the film later is that something crawled out of the wreck and is now prowling around their small-town snacking on people and stealing car engines. To cover things up the military starts a fire and evacuates the town. But the boys head back home when they find out that Alice was taken by the creature. Lots of running and screaming ensues as they try to escape both monster and military, who is now in full on combat mode.

This movie works on a couple of levels for me. First is the nostalgia that it provokes. Between the toys, music, models, and even the old Super 8 camera this reminds me of my childhood. I guess I’m just the right age since in nineteen seventy-nine, when the movie is set, I would have been the same age as the characters. Now that can be a double-edged sword. I’m ready to call bullshit at the first mistake when a filmmaker tries to recapture a point in time, especially so of one that I experienced. But I have to say they nail it. Even the posters and things just sitting on shelves are spot on. That was impressive and a nice trip down memory lane for this old guy.

Okay I had to pick the Lens Flare picture...

The movie has a decent adult cast of actors, but really relies on the kids to carry the movie. Here they chose a very good group of young actors and actresses to play the various kids in the movie. There isn’t a weak link in the batch, which is good because they are asked to do a lot. From awkward attempts and preteen romance to screaming in terror as a monster who just ate a guy is chasing them, they are believable throughout.

The story is simple, but solidly written. It has a predictable ending and can be shmaltzy at times, but I’m okay with it. Not every monster movie needs to break new ground or be brutal and traumatizing to be a good time. Super 8 is the kind of movie that could be a bet scary for the small ones but is an excellent choice for kids around the age of the characters in the movie. The one thing that I found annoying is a single “F” bomb that is dropped. Not only is it not needed but it feels a bit forced in the scene. That is my only complaint.

Super 8 is a monster movie so we need to talk creature here. Everything is CGI, from alien to train wreck. But it is done really well and where the CGI meets actual props/sets is blended so seamlessly that it is barely noticeable. This helps make the digital work seem more natural and not as obvious. The bus crash is a prime example of this. The creature is CGI, but the bus is a real set. I dare you to go back and watch the sequence and tell me where the creature ends and set begins. Even when it is just the creature and all CGI on screen it looks good. There is a neat gag when it’s attitude towards the humans changes a bit and something interesting happens with its eyes. This is subtle and really important to the scene and what happens next. That kind of attention to detail is what makes the difference between well done and bad digital effects work.

This is an excellent throwback to the days when movies for kids were sophisticated and fun rather than the dumbed down stuff we get now. It shouldn’t be a surprise that it was produced by Steven Spielberg and directed/written by J.J. Abrams. If you have been under a rock for the last five years and don’t know about Super 8 go watch it. Not kidding stop reading this, turn off your computer and go rent it!

© Copyright 2020 John Shatzer

Stanley (1972)

Tim is a good guy that just wants to be left alone in his isolated home in the swamp. Just back from Vietnam he has a horrible opinion of the human race and tries to live his life without hurting anyone or anything. His attempts at this are complicated by the racism shown towards him as he is a Seminole Indian. His only human friends are an old stripper that it is hinted had a relationship with his father and a doctor that runs a clinic that he supplies with snakes to be milked for their venom. I say human friends because his best friend is Stanley the rattlesnake. In fact, Tim has a lot of snakes that live with him that not only don’t bite him but actually seem to be somewhat friendly. Is this because Tim is an Indian and has some spiritual attachment to them? Is it perhaps that the snakes find that they share a common enemy in human beings? The movie never really explains why but he and the snakes are kindred spirits. 

If this were the movie then it wouldn’t be that much fun so of course there is a villain of sorts. We have a disreputable fellow named Thompkins who keeps sending his men into the swamp to capture and kill snakes. Snake skin belts are all the rage in New York City and he is getting good money for them. This keeps escalating until Tim and Stanley end up tricking a couple of the men into walking into quicksand. Spoiler alert, they don’t save them! But one of the men sent in, nicknamed Psycho, finds Tim’s cabin and smashes Hazel and her babies. Hazel was Stanley’s “wife” and the babies his children. This sends old Tim spiraling downwards in a fit of anger, which is made worse when he sees his stripper friend bite the head off of one of the snakes he gave her!

Things wrap up with some revenge on all the people that wronged them. But in a weird twist Tim takes things too far when he kidnaps a witness and tries to make her stay with him in his “Eden”, aka. his shack in the swamp. Things get very weird when Stanley refuses to just take orders and decides to stop Tim’s rampage. In the end the rattlesnake is our hero… weird movie.

I love Stanley and have since the first time I watched it years ago on one of the local horror hosted late night television shows. This movie is one of the best examples of a drive-in movie that you will ever find. It has that exploitive feel of being pitched as Willard with snakes which had just come out and was a huge box office success, so of course an independent filmmaker had to take advantage of that. But this movie also taps into something that would become a staple in later years and that is it deals with a Vietnam vet coming home and not fitting in. The character of Tim hates people after being traumatized by his time in the service. While we see his people invite him to come live in the village, but he can’t or just won’t. Something about going to war damaged him in a fundamental way. It makes him a sympathetic character, even when he is killing people!

Our main characters

We also get some drive-in staples to sleaze things up a bit. There is Alex Rocco playing Thompkins as the creepiest swinging seventies guy you can imagine. From his over the top wardrobe, to things he casually says to Tim about being an Indian, to the really inappropriate stuff he says to his daughter the movie dials it up to an eleven on the “scuzzy” scale. Spinal Tap references always make me smile. There is also casual pill popping by Psycho as well as real snakes being killed on camera. Yeah that last one would never fly today but they actually shoot and smash live rattlesnakes on camera. Hell, after filming they made Stanley, the star of the movie, into a wallet! Isn’t that some shit?

Not everyone likes old drive-in movies or those that can at times push the boundary of good taste. I’ve always enjoyed this movie and have gone out of my way to get as many people as possible to watch it. From that experience I can confidently say that most of you who would take the time to read this review or care about my opinion on movies will enjoy this one. I highly recommend Stanley.

© Copyright 2020 John Shatzer

Squirm (1976)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the world’s only killer earthworm movie, at least that I know of, the Jeff Lieberman directed “classic” Squirm. I could try and be cool like all the hipsters and act as if I enjoy this movie ironically, but damn it I love it! Let me attempt to tell you why you should as well.

Mick has made plans to come to the small town of Fly Creek to check out some antiques for his business. Though it is clear that he is really in town to check out the beautiful Geri, which is good for him since she is also interested. His visit coincides with a big storm that has knocked out electricity to Fly Creek and the surrounding areas. This is important since the downed power lines are dumping a huge electrical charge into the earth and that is driving the local population of worms to become homicidal! Killer worms that sneak up and kill you because of electricity… seems legit!

Of all the nature run amuck movies this is maybe the silliest and most memorable of them. Now let me warn you that if you sit down expecting something serious you are going to be disappointed. But then again who pops in a movie about killer worms and expects a serious horror flick? Don’t get me wrong this isn’t played for laughs and the cast is taking the proceedings seriously which just adds to the fun. But when you are dealing with such an absurd setup as killer worms slowly sneaking up on people to kill them without the victims noticing it is going to lead to laughs.

The movie is filled with a ton of funny situations as people suddenly look down and are shocked to see the floor covered with “deadly” threats. Others sit quietly and wait for their doom to arrive. Then again, we also find out that the worms are smart and plan attacks, like loosening the roots of a tree so that it will drop onto the dining room of a nearby house as the family is sitting down for supper! None of this is explained, nor do we find out why the characters are so willing to sit and watch the worms slowly close in on them. But honestly it doesn’t matter because while Squirm is absurdly goofy it is also very enjoyable.

Worms to the face!

I suppose if you really hate worms then this one might get under your skin a bit. I say that because they use a lot of real worms. I think they had a few hundred pounds of them on set. There is even a story that they bought so many that there was a shortage of worms for fishing season in the area that they shot the movie. Other than a face getting partially eaten and a couple bodies seen after the fact we don’t get much else in the way of special effects and gore. That said for a cheesy seventies drive-in movie I’m totally okay with that. The movie promises killer worms and by God delivers them!

Squirm isn’t the greatest movie ever made. But director Jeff Lieberman takes what he had and gives the audience an enjoyable way to kill ninety or so minutes. Not everything has to be art and sometimes movies can just entertain. I’ve always been entertained by Squirm and recommend it whenever I can.

© Copyright 2020 John Shatzer