Dire Wolf (2009)

Time for some more Fred Olen Ray in my life! This time I check out a gem about a science experiment gone horribly wrong. Things kick off with a science lady doing science stuff. A critter gets out of a tube kills a security guard and spoilers… the science lady! Then we meet an OCD sheriff and his adopted son who is a park ranger. Stuff happens, Gil Gerard calls some agents… we only ever see him on the phone, but it is Buck Freaking Rogers! Eventually we find out that the crazy science people made a half man half dire wolf hybrid. That explains the terrible Halloween werewolf costume! Another science guy is killed, and the military loses their weapon when the critter is killed by our heroes.

This isn’t a good movie, but it is fun. Director Ray knows what he is doing and manages the audience’s expectations nicely. The sets are super cheap and the monster, which we see early, is too. The plot is straightforward and follows most if not all the monster movie tropes we are used to. It’s by the numbers here folks and that isn’t a bad thing. The familiar path does have the movie dragging a bit in the middle and the who lives and who dies is predictable. It would have been some fun to see a twist or two, but we don’t get that. Still, I found the movie to be worth a watch.

Seriously... Fred Olen Ray is awesome!

I say that because the execution is solid and the cast entertaining. In addition to Gil Gerard, we also have another favorite Maxwell Caulfield as Sheriff Parker. He is clearly having fun playing up the quirky aspects of his character, especially his OCD. Though that doesn’t end well. But it is funny. The rest of the cast I recognize from other low budget productions and honestly, they are all okay. Of course, the above is helped with a decent script and a tight runtime of eighty-six minutes. This makes the previously mentioned slow spots brief and therefore bearable. Let me just say this again, Fred Olen Ray knows how to make a fun flick on the cheap.

The characters are introduced after some killings, the story tosses in enough fodder to give a decent body count. The gore is on a budget and mostly forgettable, but there is a decent kill with a victim getting shredded on screen. In addition to the nods that I was enjoying to the genre in general I loved the fact that they basically lifted the ending from Thing from Another World to defeat the creature in the big finale. Again, no original but sort of fun to see a movie fan like Ray tip his hat to a classic.

Fred Olen Ray’s stuff is a mixed bag for me. Some are decent and some are downright awful. But the one constant is his love for the horror and sci-fi genres. Dire Wolf feels like an old school cheapie monster movie from the fifties, and I think that is why he was going for. If it was then he hit it out of the park. If that isn’t your kind of movie then maybe this one isn’t for you.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Dracula vs. Hitler by Patrick Sheane Duncan

The title of this book caught my eye as I was poking thru my to read pile. It sounded like it could be some exploitive fun and I had just finished some heavy reading, so I thought ‘What the Hell’ and dove in. I wasn’t expecting much but I’ll be damned if this wasn’t a great time. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

The plot of this book is straightforward. It is set during World War II, specifically in Romania near Transylvania. Van Helsing and his beautiful daughter are members of the resistance doing their best to sabotage the German war effort. To that end the British send a couple of agents in to help them, including the grandson of Harker who stopped the vampire alongside the elder Van Helsing! They do battle with the Gestapo, but when things heat up and begin turning against them the decision is made to release Dracula. See Van Helsing didn’t destroy him but instead imprisoned him with a stake thru his heart.

So, the vampire is released and while annoyed at being trapped for so many years decides that he dislikes the Germans even more than his old foe. Plus, he is not only free to, but encouraged to vent his bloodlust on them. Eventually the Nazi’s figure out that a vampire is running loose and that brings Hitler himself to see Dracula, who they have captured. This leads to a prison break, lots of dead Germans, a close call for old Adolph, and a twist that I admittedly saw coming but still enjoyed.

I enjoyed the heck out of this book, as I’ve already said. The story is told thru a series of journal entries, an unpublished novel, and reports back to Berlin by the local Gestapo thugs. This could have ended badly as the narrative keeps switching between characters, but Duncan handles this with an expert touch. In fact, it was fun to hear events from different characters as their voices come thru clearly in the writing. This made the characters, both good and bad, jump off the page and that itself made the book even more engaging. There is a lot of action in this one and the story never drags.

The attacks are laid out in brutal fashion and described with some glee by the author. Arms, legs, and heads are severed. Necks are snapped and mundane things like guns and explosives are used to dispatch the “bad” guys. If you want some gore in your horror novel, then Dracula vs. Hitler is the one for you! I was also pleased at the detail used in setting the historical scene. Of course, being such a fantastic tale, some liberties are taken, but as a history nerd I couldn’t nitpick the book at all. I love that so much attention was paid to the small details including uniforms, equipment, and dates.

There is one thing that didn’t bother me but might disappoint others. Beware that spoilers are coming. Don’t get mad at me I did warn you. Okay… ready? Dracula and Hitler never actually fight. They are in close proximity to each other, but someone always intervenes at the last minute to prevent an actual showdown. Though given that Dracula is an immortal undead creature it wouldn’t be much of a scrap. Still, it was something that I thought I’d mention.

I highly recommend this book. It is one of the best blind reads that I’ve had in a long time. I had no idea what I was getting and what I got was great. I’m going to be on the lookout for more material from this author. Do yourself a favor and track down a copy. 

 

Ó Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Water Wars (2014)

This is an interesting movie that recently popped up on my radar. It was pitched to me as a Filipino Mad Max clone directed by Cirio H. Santiago, who worked on some of my favorite drive-in flicks like TNT Jackson, Vampire Hookers, and The Big Bird Cage. This was the last movie he directed, and Roger Corman produced it! It was so disappointing.

The movie is set on a post-apocalyptic Earth where the most important resource is water. The oceans and rivers have dried up and warlords control their territory by hoarding it and doling it out as they please. One of those warlords is Bane, played by Michael Madsen. He captures a beautiful blonde lady who has a tattoo that lets them know she, according to legend, belongs to a tribe that has a pure natural spring. Realizing the power this would bring him Bane tortures her to reveal the secret location.

Another beautiful blonde gets into a bar fight and is saved by Slade. He is our good guy/mercenary. She offers him a bunch of water to save her sister, the other blonde. He assembles a team of mercenaries, and they go off to save her. They do so and then are betrayed by a dude that was of course going to do that. Bane and the boys show up to attack the nice people and Slade saves the day. Some sad shit happens and then it rains. On a world that is a desert, but it gives him a dramatic scene at the end so cool… I guess.

If that plot sounds a bit thin there is a reason for that. This movie is filled with footage from other movies. According to IMDB there are four flicks cut into this one. Almost all the action sequences aren’t new and most of it doesn’t match. This includes a bit with characters that have nothing to do with the story and never get names! Some of the reused footage is from an earlier movie that this is supposed to be a remake of! What happened? After poking around a bit, I think I have found the answer.

Santiago was only able to work on this movie for a few days before getting sick. Jim Wynorski was brought in to finish the movie. I like the guy, but I don’t think he had much if anything to work with here. If that wasn’t enough of a concern Wynorski’s name is nowhere on the credits that I could see so it appears even he disowned this one. I also noticed that Santiago sadly passed away six years before this movie was released. That means that is sat around for a while. It has the feel of a release that was tossed together to try and salvage the money spent on a doomed project.

I know that this review has been light on the merits or lack of for Water Wars as a movie. That is because this incoherent mess of cobbled together excerpts doesn’t feel at all like a movie at all. If you had any question as to where I stand on Water Wars I hope that answered it. Stay far away from this turkey.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Naked Girl Murdered in the Park (1972)

Well, this is a movie that has an interesting title that has nothing to do with the story. Things kick off in Berlin towards the end of the Second World War. We see a man and a creepy girl planting a bomb next to a woman and a young boy. They are using the bombing raid going on outside to cover their crime I suppose. Okay movie you have me interested.

Then the action moves to present day… nineteen seventy-two. There is a dead guy on a haunted house ride. It looks like he was killed for the cash he had on him. Though the insurance company that just wrote him a million-dollar life insurance policy is suspicious. So, they assign their best man, Chris, to investigate. He gets close to one of the daughters of the deceased man, Catherine, and by close, I mean between the sheets close. Hey this is a Giallo, so people get naked and grown-up hug a lot.

Catherine eventually takes him to meet the rest of the family which consists of her mother and sister. Mom is wearing a ring that we saw the girl from the flashback wearing. I wonder if that means something! Yeah, it does. More murders happen, mysteries are resolved, and an evil plan is exposed. Along the way we get an old guy murdered in an amusement park and a naked girl killed on the front lawn of an estate. But oddly enough not a single naked girl murdered in a park. Damn it movie you lied to me!

This movie hits many of the hallmarks of the Giallo genre. You have a really good mystery that goes thru some twists and turns before being solved. The requisite sleaze is on display with several ladies and fellas disrobing on screen. The opening with the Nazi killing the family and escaping with the young girl sets the scene and when you find out more ends up being very creepy. The movie is laying the groundwork for a fun plot before we even meet the main cast. That is a nice trick.

As we watch things play out, we are given enough red herrings that the solution isn’t obvious. Though I’ll admit I did figure it out after one of the false suspects was eliminated. Still, it didn’t ruin it for me because while I knew the who and why the how escaped me. When we the viewer find out how it was done it makes sense. Though you have to jump thru some mental hoops to get there, it is plausible. Nothing worse than feeling cheated by a mystery that is solved with information you didn’t have or that is so impossibly complicated it would have never happened. They did a good job avoiding that with Naked Girl Murdered in the Park, despite the misleading title. Yeah, I just can’t let that one go.

There are a respectable seven murders in this one. Well okay one of them isn’t murder but an accident. Sadly, there isn’t the blacked gloved killer moving around thru POV shots and the violence is mostly kept offscreen. Still, it works for this story and the rest of the movie is so strong that I was okay with it. All in all, this is a movie worth checking out.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Death Falls Lightly (1972)

The Giallo fun continues with this one. The action kicks off with a POV shot of someone sneaking around an apartment. They eventually find a woman sleeping in the bed. Then we watch as a man excitedly drives to his friend’s house for help. Apparently, the woman we saw sleeping was his wife and she was brutally murdered. He knows the police will blame him, because it is always the husband, so he asks for help. The Judge, his friend, gets on the phone and starts setting things up. It seems that no one really likes Giorgio, the panicked man, but they have to help him. Why? We find out later. 

Giorgio and his girlfriend Liz… maybe he did kill his wife… are hidden away in a yet to open hotel. We watch them go a bit stir crazy while his friends try to figure out who the real killer is. This leads to some stuff that I don’t want to spoil in my review but be warned it gets confusing before it all makes sense. I will say that along the way we find out that Giorgio smuggles drugs for an organization that funds all sorts of important political figures and because he makes them so much money, they feel obligated to protect him. Eventually we do find out who killed his wife and why they did it. It was oddly simple and wasn’t a great payoff for the complicated and confusing plot. 

This is a hard one for me to recommend. The story is interesting, and I was kept guessing for a good long time as to who the killer was. So, there it succeeds in a way. Unfortunately, one of the reasons for this was due to a confusing and at times incomprehensible script. The movie waits until the very end to explain the role that the Judge and the police play in the story. There is also a far-fetched bit with a director and his cast of actors that sort of spoiled things for me. When the story stays with Giorgio and Liz it is much better. Them going stir crazy being locked up in the empty hotel and wandering around in the dark provide the best scenes. 

Not gonna lie... I want that groovy wallpaper

If you haven’t figured it out yet the genre of Gialli leans heavily into the killing and sleaze. I mean I keep talking about it so you really should know that by now. The movie does give us a good bit of skin on screen, from both genders. A lot of “naughty” business is gotten up to in Death Falls Lightly, so expectations were met. Kill wise we get a measly three with two of those happening at the very end. And the wife dying isn’t even on screen. So here we have a murder mystery without any murders for a long time. Some movies might be able to get away with that but not a Giallo like this. The one kill we do get to see happen is very tame, even by the standards of the early seventies. Here my expectations weren’t met. 

The at times confusing plot coupled with the lack of good death scenes ruined the movie for me. It had potential and fans of the genre might be interested in checking it out once, but there are much better movies out there to watch. I can’t recommend Death Falls Lightly. 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Torso (1973)

This is what I would consider one of the best Gialli ever made. It has everything you could ask for. A decent mystery as to who the killer is that keeps you guessing until the end. Lots of sleaze and nudity because… well that is what makes a Giallo a Giallo. Fun kills with some decent gore effects work. And finally, a wonderful bit towards the end where we get emotionally wrung out with one of the characters watching in silent horror as her friend’s bodies are butchered. Good times, but then I guess I should backtrack some and talk about the plot.

Our story is set or at least starts off at the campus of a large university. We see students working on their art degrees, which is why they are in Italy. Lots of paintings and statues around. One of the girls goes off with her boyfriend in her Cooper Mini to have naughty grown up times with him. This leads to her and him both being killed, which is a shock to the other girls. When another of their friends also ends up dead one of them, Dani, with a rich uncle sends them to his villa in the country to get out of town and possibly out of danger. This includes an American named Jane who arrives late after driving up rather than taking the train with the others. This is important later as between that and being laid up in bed after hurting her ankle she isn’t around when the killer takes everyone else out.

The black gloved killer thinks he has killed everyone and is leaving town when he hears some of the locals talking about the fourth girl. This means he needs to head back to finish her off. He is in the middle of doing this when the doctor treating her realizes something is wrong and goes to check on them. There is a huge and well-staged fight sequence before the killer gets what is coming to him and the day is saved. Also, we finally find out who the killer is and why the crimes were committed. I won’t spoil that here, but I will say it wasn’t random.

I’ve already mentioned that the mystery is good. There are a lot of suspects and the film does a great job not cluing you in too early as to what is going on. What I especially appreciate about Torso is when they do pull back the proverbial curtain and show you the truth it all makes sense. I love Italian movies, but the plots aren’t always easy to follow and make some odd leaps in logic. Here it is satisfyingly straightforward. While I admit some of the characters are here simply to raise the body count there is an effort to connect them to the bigger storyline. So again, some effort was put into the script.

Being a Giallo you expect some nudity and naughtiness. We get a lot of that from the sex scene that plays under the opening credits to the ladies who enjoy each other’s company there is no end to that sort of thing in Torso. If you don’t want to see that sort of thing then honestly the Giallo genre isn’t for you. This is a staple, and it is nicely done here.

Something else fans expect are decent kills and gore. Again, the movie delivers the goods with a respectable nine kills. Throats are cut, girls strangled and drowned. My favorite kill has to be death by Mini Cooper. Ever wanted to see a guy’s head squished by a bumper? If so, then Torso is the movie you have been waiting for! A lot of the kills are offscreen and seen after the fact, but they stage them so well that it wasn’t a big deal. We also get an extended gag with bodies being dismembered. While it isn’t explicit the sound effects used sell the scene are almost better than any gore could have pulled off.

I love this movie and highly recommend it. This along with Bay of Blood are a couple of Gialli that clearly influenced the Slasher genre of the late seventies and eighties that I grew up on. For that alone it is worth checking out. But again, this is a fantastic movie that has a lot of stuff going for it.  If you haven’t seen Torso, then stop reading and go track down a copy. It is easy to find out there, but if you have the option the Blue Underground Blu-Ray is the way to go.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

The Perfume of the Lady in Black (1974)

This is another movie that falls into the Giallo category, but at times doesn’t feel like one. As I explain the plot, I think you will see where I’m coming from. As the movie opens, we are met with a beautiful blonde woman, played by Mimsy Farmer. She is getting ready and while leaving her apartment stops to turn all the lights on. Her name is Sylvia, and she is a big shot at a chemical company. We are also introduced to her boyfriend who is annoyed by how much she works. The movie makes a point to show us how driven she is. There are also some other friends and neighbors, but really no one else matters.

As the story unfolds, we see that Sylvia had a traumatic childhood. Her father died when she was young and she walked in on her mother with another man, who was very creepy about it. It is also hinted at that she might have killed her mother. This becomes important when she not only bumps into the boyfriend but starts to see what I think is the ghost of her mother, the titular Lady in Black. You might have noticed that there aren’t any murders yet. Well, they do come in the end but I’m not sure that they actually did. Why? I think that Sylvia was either hallucinating or crazy the entire time. The events in the movie may or may not have happened. Yeah, this is one of those flicks.

Be warned spoilers are coming. While not a traditional Giallo The Perfume of the Lady in Black is a decent mystery. While watching the movie I kept wondering if Sylvia was being gaslighted. For those who don’t understand that reference I was thinking that those around her were using her childhood trauma to their own advantage. Perhaps pushing her over the edge for control of the company or some inheritance. I’m thinking that the characters were written and portrayed to that end as they seem creepy for the sole purpose of messing with her. Whether that is the talk of black magic and human sacrifices, the fortuneteller bringing up her past, or the bit with the tennis racket and the blood there are lots of spots where characters are pushing her buttons.

I was sold on the above premise as it made the most sense especially when I saw all of the characters, including those who died, show up for a secret meeting. Is there where they get together to split up the spoils of their plan? Kind of. Sylvia’s body is laying on a slab and they cut her open and start feasting on her organs. Honestly, I have not a damn clue what is going on here. I suppose it might be some horrible hallucination by Sylvia or it might just be the movie being weird for the sake of being weird. Not sure but in the end, I don’t think I care.

I was intrigued from start to finish with The Perfume of the Lady in Black. The story is engaging because it has a surreal feel to it. From the little girl who invades Sylvia’s home, to the weird bit with her walking in on her mother and the other man there is always something surprising showing up on screen. I was never bored, and while confused at times there was enough to sink my teeth into that I was never frustrated by the story. Mimsy Farmer is excellent in the role and if I’m to be honest is also a very beautiful woman. That is important because we do get the requisite naughty bits that all good Italian genre flicks provide.

Since I’m on the subject of expectations I think Giallo fans might be a little disappointed in the fact that this is mostly a bloodless movie. Other than one obviously fake dead cat, a finger, we only get a bash to the noggin’, and a couple of clever attacks. The best gag is the one at the end where she is sliced open and eaten, which they linger on and don’t pull back from showing. That is a good bit of effects work, but that is about all you get. If you are looking for a bloodbath this isn’t the movie for you.

I will freely admit that The Perfume of the Lady in Black isn’t going to be everyone’s idea of a good time. It is slow and has an overly complicated nonsensical plot. This is the kind of movie that requires you to not only watch closely but be willing to fill in some blanks for yourself. I really liked it, but I can’t argue with someone who hates it due to what I’ve pointed out above. Is that a recommendation from me? I’m going to leave that up to you… much like the movie does.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer