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I was approached by my friend Donovan to participate in a very neat charity project. I was to write a couple drabbles, short stories that are exactly 100 words long. It was to be published in a book this December the proceeds of which goes to support a worth charity, Mulligan's Manner. Check out the ad below for more details and head over to their website for updates. 

Here is the Kindle preorder link. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09MV7CY3W?geniuslink=true 

Thankskilling (2009)

Before I start the review, I want to assure everyone that I’m well aware that this is a goofy movie that some consider bad. Super low budget and cheesy it is about what I’d expect from a killer rubber turkey flick. But for reasons that I’ll explain later this was perfect and made the movie all the much more enjoyable.

The movie starts in olden days with boobs… Pilgrim boobs! There is a lady running from the killer turkey. He catches her and does what a homicidal turkey will do. Then it fast forwards to now. Some students are heading off for Thanksgiving break. They talk some shit, pick up some girls, and are generally annoying. Yeah, I’m rooting for the turkey already. We then see a redneck and his dog. The dog pees on the killer turkey’s grave and it climbs out of the ground to start killing again. Though later they say it was going to happen every five hundred and five years so maybe the pooch just had bad timing.

Back to the kids we see them break down and camp in the woods. The same woods that the killer turkey is stalking. Bad stuff happens when he follows them back to town. Parents are killed, kids are killed, faces are worn, and a lot of bad jokes/one-liners are uttered. In the end do they stop the killer turkey? Well sort of, I mean there is a sequel.

This is the way you should approach an independent movie. While it has some of the common flaws like generic music and some audio issues, they avoid the most common mistakes. Thankskilling clocks in at a tight ninety minutes and none of it is padding. That means they had a solid script and knew how to edit what they shot. Far too many independent flicks show up with half the footage improvised and filled with people just walking around with nothing happening. This movie might be silly, but it is never boring and I appreciated that.

The filmmakers also knew that they didn’t have a cast of professional actors. Instead of trying to hide that they lean into it giving them absurd lines and setting them up in situations that put the bad acting right in your face. This establishes right from the start that they are also in on the joke and not taking them self or the story too seriously. Speaking of that there are some very funny situations and lines in this one. I won’t spoil Turkie’s dialogue, but I will say this is one of those thoroughly quotable flicks that will have you repeating the dialogue to your friends.

This is a very funny movie. Though I suppose you may need to have an odd sense of humor. For example, if a stuffed baby bunny (it isn’t real!) getting tossed into a campfire doesn’t make you giggle then Turkie “tapping in” after killing a boyfriend isn’t going to be your thing either. I won’t even go into detail on the wearing of the dead father’s face and how none of the characters notice. Personally, I loved the twisted humor and the absurdity of Thankskilling was spot on.

I’m going to recommend this one as I have always loved it and feel like it has held up over several viewings. Heck until I watched Black Friday this year this movie was my must watch Thanksgiving flick. This was much to my lovely and patient wife’s dismay. I hope she digs mutant turkeys from space more. But I’m getting off topic. If you want a few laughs, then this is the movie for you. Maybe next year I’ll cover the sequel.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

 

 

Black Friday (2021)

Okay I was all over this movie. It has Bruce Campbell, Michael Jai White, and Devon Sawa in it. Those are some bad ass genre actors right there. Still, I was worried that this would be a lame flick that basically has glorified cameos from the three to suck us in. I can now confirm that isn’t the case at all.

Sawa is Ken, a divorced father of two girls who is forced to work his crappy retail job at a toy store on Black Friday. On his way to the store, he picks up his teenage co-worker Chris. They arrive and we are introduced to other characters such as bad ass maintenance man Archie, White’s character, and Ken’s work “girlfriend” Marnie. We also meet the store manager played by the always awesome Bruce Campbell. There are also some hints that meteor storms have been hitting and thru a precredit scene we see that they are not just space rocks.

The doors are opened, and everything goes to hell. Some of the customers are infected by the stuff that has fallen from the sky. This turns them into continually mutating monsters that seem intent on infecting as many others as possible. The store is a perfect place for them to gather and eventually they start to merge into a huge Kaiju type creature. While this is happening, our cast is trying to survive, dropping some excellent one-liners, and generally screaming while they run around.

This movie is a blast. First up all the big names have larger roles including Sawa who is the star of the movie. Campbell is excellent as the store manager being a bit cowardly at times and generally playing everything for laughs. The filmmakers knew who they had cast and let him do his thing. Michael Jai White is a badass and does most of the early butt kicking. He also gets to drop a line he seems to use quite a bit. I won’t ruin it here but if you know his movies you will see it. Devon Sawa is the down on his luck divorced dad and is quite good. He gets a lot of screen time and reminds the audience that he is one hell of an actor. The other performances are also spot on and fit perfectly for the material. Bravo to both the cast but also the casting director. They nailed it.

These monsters are fowl... heh heh

The story itself is paced well apart from an obligatory “getting to know each other” bit in the middle. But the initial outbreak as well as the chaos that follows is a blast. The movie doesn’t try to explain everything right away and even leaves some things unresolved at the end. Getting some resolution for the characters without overexplaining is my favorite way for horror movies to wrap up. That also brings me to the fact that this is an excellent horror comedy. We get monsters that are cool, more on that later, as well as a lot of funny stuff. That isn’t easy to do, but they managed it.

The special effects are great. The infected go thru different mutations as they approach the final form or at least the last one we see. Starting off as pus filled bubbly figures, they end up going full on chicken monster before melding into the giant monsters that go stomping at the end. The kills are decent but not over explicit. There is a fun gag with a neck getting a bottle thru it, but most of the mayhem is off screen. Again, where they excel is the creature design, so I was good with it.

This is my new go to movie for Thanksgiving… sorry Thankskilling. The cast is great, the monsters are fun, and overall Black Friday is a blast. If you haven’t checked it out yet do so right away. You won’t be disappointed.

  

Ó Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

The Fly (1958)

It occurred to me the other day that I had never covered the original Fly for the website. That seems like an oversight, but I just always assumed that everyone had seen this and what could I add to the conversation. Though recently I was chatting with some younger horror fans and was shocked that they hadn’t seen this one, along with some other must-watch movies. You may be seeing some movies here on Fab Fifties that you all know and love but please understand I’m trying to educate the youth!

The movie kicks off with some horrible stuff at a factory. A man’s head and arm has been crushed in a large hydraulic press. They make a big deal that it was set to zero, which means metal on metal with no space. I’m guessing that made a huge mess! It quickly becomes obvious that Helene has killed her husband Andre… because she calls his brother Francois to confess! She won’t tell anyone why she did it so they authorities consider her insane. But why would this otherwise lovely lady go homicidal?

We find out in a series of flashbacks that Andre was a brilliant scientist who has invented a teleporter that can break down solid items and deliver them almost instantaneously to another place. Eventually he decides to test it on himself and a fly sneaks into the chamber with him. The machine materializes him with the fly’s head and arm and the fly with his head and arm! If that weren’t bad enough the longer it goes the more fly like he becomes and in a fun twist the more human, the fly becomes. But will anyone believe Helene’s story before she is hauled off and charged with murder? Well yeah of course.

This is one of the best fifties’ creature features if not one of the best of all time. The story is unique, at least for the time, in that it tells the story out of order. We see what happens to Andre before we see how he came to that end. This could have easily backfired as the movie basically spoils itself. But the writing is superb and knowing what happens makes you cringe during the happy scenes with his family. The movie also builds up some suspense with the search for the fly with human bits. This is the only way that they can save Helene and they wait until the last minute, which is fun. And of course, that last bit is one of the most famous of all scenes from a fifties sci-fi/horror flick. The little fly with Andre’s head screaming ‘Help me… help me’ as the spider comes for it.

Ironically, no one other than Andre dies but the horror comes from the audience liking the characters and being disturbed by what happens to them. That is a neat trick and not something you see very much in horror since the days of Frankenstein. Yeah, I know the little girl by the lake and Fritz… but Fritz had it coming!

HELP ME!

The cast is great with David Hedison who starred in so many great movies and television shows that I won’t even attempt to list them here. Seriously hit up IMDB and check out his resume. This guy had some acting chops and is wonderful as the doomed Francois. Child actor Charles Herbert plays Andre’s and Helene’s fly catching son. Fans might recognize him from William Castle’s 13 Ghosts. And of course, we have the legendary Vincent Price as Francois. He is incredibly good as the brother who simply can’t believe that his sister-in-law could have committed such a crime. There is a lot of talent on this cast, and it makes what could have been a silly premise play much more seriously on screen.

We don’t get to see much of the fly makeup, but what we do see is killer. The head has several moving parts and the actor helps to sell the gag by jerky insect like movements. While they keep it mostly under the hood the reveal and couple of minutes when we can see it makes this one of the most memorable monsters of the decade. They also chose to shoot this movie in color which gives it an added oomph as the creature seems all that much more horrific.

I could keep going but if you haven’t seen the Fly and aren’t convinced by what I’ve already had to say about the movie then I can’t help you. This is a genuine classic, has one of the best creature reveals ever, and stars an icon of the horror genre. This is a must watch for all fans!

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Swim (2021)

The Asylum is at it again with the shark movies. This time they have Joey Lawrence of Blossom fame as a dad who has to fight a shark that gets in his beach house after there is a big storm. Sounds like another silly Asylum monster movie, right? Nope they tried to play this one seriously despite the absurd premise. More on that later.

The movie kicks off with a sketchy landlord getting inspected and shut down. His rental property isn’t safe for human habitation you see. After the inspector leaves, he gets a call on his cell phone and it is a family coming to rent the place for the month. Being sketchy he doesn’t tell them the place is condemned and tells them he has fixed everything that was wrong last year. Spoilers… he hasn’t. After hanging up he gets eaten by the shark. We also see that the dad, played by Lawrence, can’t take a plane to meet his family at the house because of a big storm so he has to drive. That leaves everyone else at the house alone.

Nothing works, remember the landlord lied, so they call a handyman. While waiting for him to stop by a couple of them go frolicking in the water and get attacked by the shark. So they have to leave in a hurry. Though they can’t because the car gets smashed, and the handyman gets eaten by the shark that is now in the basement. More people get eaten, Lawrence’s character finally shows up, and the shark gets electrocuted. The end.

I was not expecting much when I sat down to watch Swim, especially after seeing the Asylum logo. Don’t get me wrong I do enjoy the goofy tongue in cheek flicks that they have made in the past. They aren’t good movies but can be worth a watch for a few laughs. That is what I was expecting with such an absurd premise. Sort of a parody of the killer alligator movie Crawl. But instead of leaning into the silliness and try to make a comedy ala. Sharknado, they play this one seriously. That was a terrible idea. When you have a mediocre cast of actors, a paper-thin plot that is completely unbelievable, next to no budget for special effects, and Joey Lawrence this is not the path to take.

This movie is boring which is worse than just being bad. At least a bad movie will keep my attention by having me roll my eyes or mutter to myself about the stupid dialogue or effects work. Here we get long stretches of flat dialogue delivered by charisma challenged actors. Even Lawrence who has done some decent television work seems completely lost as what he is supposed to be doing. I’ve seen Hallmark Christmas movies with more emoting than this turkey. That was a bummer.

The special effects go from terrible to passable. Ironically the shark, which is normally the worst effect, is decent enough. The model is shown sparingly, and they try to keep the scale the same and to blend it in when sharing the screen with the actors. I appreciate that as far too many times the effort is lacking in this department. But then they screw things up by doing some questionable stuff with CGI rain and the big storm. I get you can’t afford big Hollywood rain machines but when we have characters walking into the house from a CGI hurricane and they are completely dry come on. How much does a bucket of water cost you? Also reusing the same badly done CGI lightning shot repeatedly was silly.

I could also point out how we have a character grabbed by a shark and supposedly going into shock that suddenly is “feeling better”! Or I could also point out that they do a terrible job of keeping the audience on our toes by telegraphing who is going to be chum and who is going to live. Maybe kill one of the kids and make us think no one is safe. Swim goes so wrong in so many ways that I just can’t recommend it.

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Scarecrow (2013)

These made for television Syfy channel originals were a mixed bag. Many times, they were just awful, but occasionally they would strike gold and make a great movie. Though it felt like that happened on accident. So many terrible shark movies… so many. Scarecrow is one of those fun flicks that had me tuning back every Saturday night to see what they had coming up next. 

Students on detention are being sent to clean up a local farm where the community is planning on having their annual scarecrow festival. We have the usual suspects including the popular girl, the nerdy guy, the outsider, and of course the bad boy. Their teacher piles them onto a bus and takes them out to the house where they are met by Kristen, played by a pre-Hallmark Lacey Chabert. Seriously she is in like every generic Hallmark channel movie my wife watches. Anyway, she and the teacher used to be a couple. This is further complicated when another local man, Eddie, shows up. He was also a previous boyfriend, so the plot thickens. 

Luckily, all this character drama goes away quickly when the scarecrow, which was released earlier by some teenage shenanigans, starts to kill off the cast. The bodies keep dropping as they try to make their escape. Cell phones don’t work, cars won’t start, and the keys to the bus are missing. That means they spend part of the time holding up in the farmhouse under siege, and the rest of the time on the run thru the woods with the monster in pursuit. Again, they keep getting picked off until the final survivor does battle with the monster sending it back to sleep. 

Make no mistake Scarecrow follows the creature feature formula and doesn’t break any new ground. Introduce characters, isolate them, kill a few off, then tease them with rescue only to squash their hopes. We have seen this all before, but where I think the movie excels is in the execution. The cast is very good, and the writing is decent. This makes for some decent pacing as well as characters you can root for. Sure, you know who is likely to die, but it’s still sad. There is something easy about a movie like Scarecrow. Consider it cinematic comfort food, like meatloaf with mashed potatoes. I like a nice meatloaf and I liked this movie. 

Another positive is the creature design. It is all CGI, which with Syfy channel flicks can be dangerous ground. But here the monster looks decent and moves around the screen in creepy ways. It almost flows around the set as it hides on ceilings and under the floor before popping in to snatch a victim. Speaking of victims, the movie has a respectable twelve kills. Many of them are offscreen with the results shown later with easier to do static dead bodies. But we do get a blade thru a girl, a farmer killed from the feet up, a shotgun, and the best is someone getting torn open from the inside complete with chest exploding. For a lower budgeted made for television production that is some good stuff. 

I dig Scarecrow a lot more than I thought I was going to. It is a solid flick with some good wholesome downhome horror fun. This made me sad that Syfy has bailed on doing these choosing to show Harry Potter for the millionth time. Regardless of that I highly recommend checking out this one. 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer

Lost Continent (1951)

I had never seen this one before and after watching it I can see why. The movie kicks off with a rocket experiment being conducted. They lose control of it, and it crashes somewhere in the Pacific with an experimental nuclear engine that they must recover. So, a group of scientists and some air force personal hop on an airplane and head out. They encounter some strange phenomenon, which they later blame on radiation, that causes the plane to crash. The rest of the movie is them walking and climbing up a mountain to grab the engine all while avoiding the dinosaurs that live on the peak. Then they walk back down.

I jumped into this one hoping that this could be another fun stop motion dinosaur flick like The Land Unknown which I will eventually review here at the site. But instead of that what we get is a movie that had potential but clearly not enough of a script. Things start off a bit slow after the opening scenes of the crash. We are introduced to our three air force guys, one of which is interrupted on a date. I thought she was going to be a love interest, but we never see her again. Instead, what we do get are lots of scenes of them walking, climbing, walking, and climbing again. There is a stretch of the movie where that is all we see for over twenty minutes! When I say Lost Continent is slow, I mean painfully so.

This is hugely disappointing since they had assembled a decent cast. The always great Caesar Romero is our lead and is supported by other familiar faces such as Hugh Beaumont, John Hoyt, and Whit Bissel. While these names might be familiar but if you have watched genre flicks at all you will recognize them. Especially Whit Bissel who had supporting roles in gems like Target Earth and I was a Teenage Werewolf. Both of which I have covered for the site. Sadly, this movie isn’t nearly as good as either of those.

Dino fight!

The special effects work is appropriately cheesy and fun. They borrow the rocket footage from another movie, but the dinosaurs are all original. We get one short lizard standing in for prehistoric monster gag but most of the dino action is done with stop motion effects. While they aren’t Harryhausen level good I thought they were fun. But then I’m partial to stuff like this and enjoyed seeing them fight it out on screen. Sadly, we don’t get a single composite shot with the actors being menaced by the monsters. Not even some rear projection gags. I don’t ask much from my monster movies, but this is a deal breaker.

Sadly, Lost Continent is just a bad movie. A decent cast and some fun stop motion can’t overcome the terrible pacing and a lack of story. This could have easily been a fun little flick had they put more effort into making sure they had a script before shooting it. I’m going to recommend passing on this one.

 

 

© Copyright 2021 John Shatzer