The Neanderthal Man (1953)

Those crazy evil scientists are at it again. This time around it is Professor Groves who decides to play God. He has developed a serum that can regress animals to a prehistoric form by tapping into the information stored in their body. It starts off innocently enough with housecats becoming Sabretooth Tigers! One gets loose and is spotted by a local hunter and the game warden which brings Dr. Harkness to investigate the sightings. He and Groves’ daughter hit it off much to the dismay of the Professor who has moved on to human experimentation. He injects himself and becomes the Neanderthal Man. Much caveman violence ensues and an angry posse of locals is on the hunt!

I have difficulty reviewing movies like this one. One the one hand I did enjoy it. There are all the things that I look for in a B movie from the ‘50s. You have the absurd experiments by a mad scientist that creates a monster. Said monster goes on a rampage until the locals manage to put a stop to it. There is a man running around in a rubber suit, or in this case a rubber mask. We have the hero and his love interest that has some connection to the cause of the problem. I’m checking a lot of boxes here on my must have list.

Not great effects work.

But even I must admit some issues with The Neanderthal Man. I have a sliding scale when it comes to effects works and creature designs. You can’t judge an old movie by what they can do with today’s technology. That said even by the standards of the ‘50s there are problems. The creature here is a man in a gorilla mask and gloves. It looks cheap on the screen. Plus, we have continuity errors where they keep forgetting to have the actor wear the gloves in long shots. I mean you only have three pieces to the suit how do you miss two of them? Speaking of cheap the footage of the tiger used for the Sabretooth doesn’t match the close-ups of the really goofy looking puppet.

Other things I wanted to point out. The acting is stiff and over the top. I thought that Robert Shayne was fine as Professor Groves, but wasn’t fond of those assembled around him. Additionally, the staging and direction was also bad. The final scene of the movie with the family surrounding Groves is a perfect example of both the bad acting and horrible staging. I don’t expect art when watching a movie like this but competence wouldn’t be out of the question.

I did say it was good for a few laughs. 

I’ve covered a lot of old ‘50s science fiction and horror movies for the blog since I launched it. Previously I’ve reviewed movies that I knew I was going to like because I’ve watched them before. While I’ve seen The Neanderthal Man before I didn’t remember much about the movie. After watching it I know why. What is my final decision on this one? As I’ve pointed out there are a lot of flaws. As a fan of bad movies, I had some fun with the cheesy creature and terrible acting. But if you aren’t into that sort of thing it will be a chore sitting thru The Neanderthal Man. This is by no means on the level of other classic science fiction and horror films of the ‘50s that I’ve reviewed. I can’t recommend it unless you like a bad B movie. If that is the case, then it is good for a few laughs. As an added bonus you can watch the movie for free online. I've linked to the full movie above instead of the trailer. 

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer

Book Review - Dead of Night by Jonathan Maberry

Yeah again with the zombies. I can’t help that I’ve been on a zombie kick of late with my reading habits. There are just so many to choose from. Dead of Night is the first in a series from Jonathan Maberry. How about we jump right into the action?

A doctor left over from the Cold War decides that a serial killer named Homer Gibbon deserves more than to just be executed. He injects him with a chemical weapon he had worked on so that instead of dying he would reanimate and feel the parasites responsible for his undead state eat away at him. Sadly, the killer isn’t buried in a prison graveyard as intended and instead is shipped off to the small town in Pennsylvania. The spread of the infection starts with the undertaker and in a few hours the whole town is overrun with zombies. It is up to a couple local cops, Dez and J.T. to protect the survivors from both the dead and the army who wants to contain and hush up the incident.

Here we have another wonderful read. The story plays out in both expected and unexpected ways. Let me explain what I mean. The zombies follow the typical “rules”. You can mangle them, but only a headshot drops them permanently. They crave the flesh of the living and will pursue them endlessly. And except for Homer, the serial killer and first zombie, they are of the mindless variety. As a huge zombie fan, I like it when a story follows some of the tropes of the genre as it lets me dive into the story easily. That said Maberry does a wonderful job fleshing things out, pun intended.

Jonathan Maberry himself! Going on my must read list.

Now for the unexpected. The reason for the outbreak is explained in detail and is maybe more gross than the walking dead themselves. There is a parasite that reanimates the dead and uses them to pass itself along to the next victim. These are described in detail as little larva/maggot looking things that are swimming along in what was the blood of the previous victim. They bite or spit the blood/goo at new victims. The parasite kills the host and takes control of their body, but allows their consciousness to exist as it kills and partially eats others! This disturbed the hell out of me while I was reading the book and give huge props to Maberry for putting a new twist on the zombie story. The fact that the only zombie with intelligence is the serial killer who thinks his new existence makes him a god or something was also a nice twist.

The characters that populate the rest of the book, Dez, J.T., and Billy (Dez’s ex-boyfriend) are well written and fun to root for. I also thought that the pacing was perfect with plenty of action while still taking time to develop three dimensional characters. When bad things happen to them it makes it all that much more engaging. Hell, at times I sort of felt bad for the serial killer turned zombie who never had a chance once he was put into the foster care system!

This is a great book that I can without question or caveat recommend for both the casual and hard core zombie fan.

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer

Cell (2016)

So, I was wandering around Best Buy looking at the movies with a $25 gift card burning a hole in my pocket (Birthday money you see…). Cell caught my eye and I immediately thought to myself, ‘I totally forgot that came out last year’. That alone should have put me on guard. But I was heady with the influx of free money and decided to grab myself a copy on Blu-ray along with some Twix candy bars. Took the disc home, popped it in the old reliable player, and jumped into the action.

We are introduced to the main character Clay, played by John Cusack, as he is walking thru an airport. He is on his cell phone talking to his ex-wife and son. His phone dies and a few seconds later everything goes to hell. Anyone that was on their cell phone goes crazy and attacks anyone not affected. Clay flees and ends up in the subway where he meets Tom, played by Samuel L. Jackson. Together they head off to find Clay’s family and get the hell out of the city. Along the way, they pick up some other survivors and discover they are all dreaming of the same figure in a red hoodie. One that looks just like the character in Clay’s graphic novel he sold that very morning!

I’m a huge Stephen King fan and I mostly liked the novel that this movie was based on. I thought the ending of the book was weak, but everything leading up to it was great. When I heard that King co-wrote the screenplay and “fixed” the ending I was excited to check it out. Then it suddenly disappeared eventually showing up on demand. After watching it I realize why that happened. It’s a terrible movie!

Good thing they only travel at night!

Not sure if it is the script, directing, or the editing but the movie has zero energy. It boggles my mind how that could possible happen. You literally have crazy people running around killing everything in sight, but somehow the pacing is excruciatingly slow and generally I wasn’t interested. We have scene after scene of them walking thru the woods in the daylight. This is after they establish that those infected with the cell phone insanity are only active during the day and sleep at night. Yet they never run into any of them. More importantly why not travel at night? Seriously movie follow your own damn rules!

Cell has an excellent cast with John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson getting the most screen time. Sadly, the performances are wooden and uninspired. Now I’ve seen Cusack not be great in things, but Jackson is normally always good no matter what he is in. Not sure if the material was that bad, the director reigned him in, or if he just phoned it in for a paycheck. See what I did there? Hah I’m a funny guy! But seriously it is very disappointing to not at least get some energy from actors that I know are better than they show here.

What made things even worse was that I sat thru the whole movie hoping that I’d at least get a decent ending. Remember I didn’t like the ending to the book. Sure enough King changed the ending and managed to make it even more vague and frustrating! You made it worse dude. I didn’t think that was possible but that’s what happened.

I could go on but I don’t want to waste my or your time. There is nothing to see here, move along to a better movie. Well at least the Twix Bars were good.

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer

Them! (1954)

Horror and Sci-Fi cinema of the ‘50s were choked full of giant bugs mutated by the atom. This is one of those movies. Here humanity must do battle with giant ants that have crawled from the irradiated desert of the American Southwest. Time to check out Them!

A police cruiser is searching the desert with the help of an aircraft as the movie opens. They discover a little girl wandering in the desert and trace her back to a camper. But they can’t find anyone else, not even any bodies. Heading to a nearby store they find it wrecked and the owner killed! But they still have no idea what is going on. They do find some tracks and end up sending them to Washington D.C. to be identified. This brings a scientist and his daughter, the doctors Medford, who team up with one of the original police officers and an FBI agent. The four of them discover that a nest of giant ants has sprung up in the desert. But before they can destroy it a pair of queens hatch and head out to start new colonies. They must be found before they multiply and destroy us all!

The Big Reveal

Maybe this is going to spoil the review but I must say right from the start this is a great movie! The plot follows the typical pattern of the unknown threat that creates a body count. Government agents get involved and recruit scientists (one of which is normally a beautiful woman/love interest). They do battle with the threat and eventually stop it, saving humanity. Nothing wrong with following a formula when it is done correctly and Them! nails it. The pacing as the story unfolds is spot on. The missing girl in the desert and the destroyed store set the scene. Then we get our first kill in a manner that we know it hasn’t ended well for the victim, but we the viewer still aren’t sure what happened. It isn’t until one of the main characters is in danger that the ants are finally shown on screen. After that the action keeps up as the first nest is destroyed, the search for the queens happens, and then the final nest is discovered.

Not only is the movie exciting from opening to closing credits but it does something that is unusual for a ‘50s monster movie. Be warned spoilers are coming. Most of the time you get the hero introduced early in the movie. Here we get introduced to Sergeant Ben Peterson, one of the police officers that finds the little girl. While later we meet the scientists and the FBI agent (played by James Arness) Peterson is at the center of the action. Well at the end of the movie they kill him off while saving a couple more kids. That’s a twist that just don’t see in these movies and was a huge shock when I first saw Them! years ago. This makes it stand out from what is admittedly a crowded field of ‘50s creature features.

Our doomed hero

When talking special effects work I always judge it on the era the movie was made. For the ‘50s Them! has top notch effects work. Obviously, we don’t get any bloody kills but the work on the ants is great. They are giant prop puppets that don’t move much but that still look good on screen. They do look like ants and are creepy. Some of the creatures in these movies can be so bad it is distracting.  It makes a huge difference that these are done well. Oh and we get more than one onscreen at a time, which is also very unusual as budgets normally dictated one creature.   

Growing up almost every one of my weekends were dominated by watching old monster movies. While I love the classic Universal Monsters and the various Alien invasions my favorites have always been the giant bug movies. It didn’t matter if it were a spider, mantis, or even grasshoppers I was always down for a man vs insect battle. Of these movies Them! has to be one of the best.

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer

Book Review - The Savage Dead by Joe McKinney

Time for another book review. As I mentioned in my review of the Day of the Dead remake the recent popularity of zombies has flooded the market with all things related to the undead. Not only movies and television shows, but books as well. Joe McKinney is one of the authors who jumped on the trend. I figured it was about time to check out one of his entries to the genre.

Senator Sutton has been attacking the Mexican drug cartels where it hurts, their wallet. They have already tried killing her a couple of times, including a second attempt at a Washington D.C. hotel that happens at the beginning of the book. Because of her excellent team of secret service agents, including our main character Juan and his love interest Tess, they have failed. But now with Sutton taking a cruise up and down the Mexican coast thumbing her nose at the cartels they hatch their most devious attempt yet. Thru some legitimate businesses, a cartel leader has developed a super bug that will kill and reanimate those infected. His plan is to use a beautiful female assassin to unleash the plague and make sure the Senator dies very horribly and publicly. Much death, undeath, and mayhem ensues.

I enjoyed the hell out of this book. The first third is spent establishing the characters and setting up the virus and how it spreads. This is where McKinney shows his skill as an author. I’ve read many zombie novels and most of them handle the action well enough. Creating the characters and setting the “rules” for the world and infection are not always well done. Here we know the characters, have a good idea how they will react, and most importantly (to me anyways) know how the zombies can be put down and how they will attack. This is important because I don’t want to be distracted when the action kicks into high gear.

Nautical Zombies! Sign me up.

Boy there is a lot of action. Many shots are fired, much flesh is gnawed, and many sad situations occur. Characters get separated and meet new people some of which meet horrible fates, others force them to face old fears and some new ones. This adds a depth to the story that wouldn’t have been possible without them being established so well earlier in the book. Also along the way Juan realizes something that I as a reader already knew, he has feelings for Tess. So not only is he driven to do his job and save the Senator, but he wants to save her as well. This adds tension to the times that Tess is put in danger and when one event happens I was kind of pissed off. A good author can write an entertaining story, a great one sucks you in so that you are invested and care about the characters. McKinney certainly had me rooting for and against certain characters.

The setting is another huge plus for the book. Most of the zombie novels I’ve read either take place as an outbreak has started or after the world has gone to hell. Nothing wrong with an apocalyptic setting but the fact that this is an isolated attack using zombies as a weapon was different and cool. The characters had a world to go back to if they survived. Gave the narrative a vibe that you normally don’t get from a book with zombies shuffling around.

I imagine it is obvious that I’m going to recommend The Savage Dead. I know that McKinney has a lot of other books in print including a zombie series. I’m going to have to check those out as well.

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer

Jeruzalem (2015)

New horror movies aren’t really my bag. They tend to rely too much on jump scares, CGI, and so many use the found footage trick. Still I end up watching a lot of new horror movies in the hope that I find that one gem in a sea of mediocrity. Jeruzalem has been hanging around my Netflix queue for a while so I thought I’d give it a chance.

The story follows a couple of Jewish American girls, Rachel and Sarah, on their vacation to Israel. On the plane, they meet a young man named Kevin and the three of them head off to Jerusalem to see the sights and party. Of course, they picked the wrong time as not long after they arrive judgement day happens and the dead rise from the grave. But these aren’t your typical zombies as they have wings, seem more demonic, and there is at least one building sized giant stomping around! Now they are stuck in a warzone looking for a way to escape. Joining them is an ever-decreasing group of survivors that is seems exist solely to get picked off along the way.

New rule. No selfies in horror movies!

Not sure how I feel about this movie. On one hand, it has a very interesting and original take on the undead. They can only be taken down with head shots and they will infect and “turn” people like zombies. But they also fly, have intelligence, and generally behave more like demons or evil spirits. I like creative filmmakers who try to be different and make their own rules. Also, I want to give them a lot of credit for not explaining everything. The audience never finds out exactly what the creatures are. I mean where the hell did the giant zombie/demon thing that we see stomping around come from? This is carried on right thru to the ending which hints that things aren’t going to end well for humanity.

That was the good now onto the bad. Unfortunately, the movie uses the one gimmick that I hate most about new horror. This isn’t a found footage movie per se, but they use the first-person perspective. Most of the movie is shown from Sarah’s point of view. She is wearing some sort of smart glasses that I guess are recording the events. Since they have an internet connection we get to watch the glasses identify and bring up Facebook profiles, pull up maps when they get lost, and play music! And I thought the nausea inducing shaky camera work in a normal found footage movie was annoying but they really upped the ante.

The Creatures look great!

The reviews where I either love or hate the movie are easy to write. When I don’t have strong feelings either way things get far more difficult. Do I recommend Jeruzalem? The movie is interesting and the cast is decent. I thought they did a very good job with the effects work which is mostly CGI. We get some obvious jump scares, but they also have some well-done creepy sequences that stand out. I just wish they had tried to tell the story in a more traditional way without the first-person perspective. And I could have really done without all the distractions from the glasses.

Okay decision time. As I said earlier I watched the movie on Netflix so it didn’t cost me anything but a couple hours of my time. That is what I recommend. I’m the kind of person that will watch a movie that I enjoy again and again. Jeruzalem was interesting enough to watch once but I can’t imagine ever needing to see it again. The old saying “One and done” fits well here. So catch it for free or maybe rent it, but I wouldn’t waste money to buy it.

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer

Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)

I’m a child of the ‘80s and being a horror fan I of course grew up watching slasher movies. I remember looking at the covers of the VHS tapes at the video store. There was never enough time to watch them all. One of the movies that I never checked out was Slumber Party Massacre II. Time to see what I missed.

This is a loose sequel to the original Slumber Party Massacre. In case you have seen that movie, our main character is the younger sister of one of the main characters from the original. Courtney is grown up and now plays guitar with her all girl band. They take the weekend to get away from the parents. After some semi-naked pillow fighting the boyfriends show up. Not long after that a killer starts to pick the off one by one with his guitar drill! All the time that he does this he quotes lines from songs, dances, and occasionally sings. Eventually Courtney kills him and is safe… or is she?

I’ve made a lot of friends who also love horror, especially slasher movies. Slumber Party Massacre is very popular with many of them and honestly, I don’t get it. The movie is very uneven with long stretches of filler. Conversations in the car, by the pool, in the living room are common. We also get a couple of songs from the girl band, which could be best summed up as bad rockabilly. Even for a slasher movie these characters are completely underdeveloped. It doesn’t help that the cast is terrible. The best actress in the bunch is Jennifer Rhodes and she appears only briefly as Courtney’s Mom.

The one decent looking kill

The traditional hallmarks of a slasher movie are the gore and nudity. You can also toss some comedy and/or self-aware jabs at the audience but those aren’t necessary for a good entry into the genre. For the first two the movie is a mixed bag. There are a couple decent makeup jobs and a single decent kill on screen. But even by the late ‘80s when these movies were neutered by the censors Slumber Party Massacre II is very tame. When it comes to the nudity I suppose it is okay. But it is presented in a very forced and dumb sequence with the girls in a pillow fight while dancing and pouring champagne on each other. Maybe had I seen this when I was younger I might not have felt the same, but at my age it feels forced. Like the filmmakers shoehorned the scene in for the sake of nudity alone. I don’t like it.

The killer is played for laughs. He dances and cracks this way thru the proceedings with what is I think an attempt at comedic flair all while killing off the cast. Sadly, I’ve seen it done much better and with a much scarier edge. The only thing slightly amusing about the killer is his absurd choice of weapon. The guitar/drill is considered iconic by some horror fans. In my opinion it is just gimmicky and not terribly memorable.

Without giving away any spoilers I do acknowledge that there is a legitimate argument made to explain the disjointed plot and silly killer. In my opinion you still need to make a movie that is entertaining and fun to watch. While you can try explain away the flaws they are still there. Again, without giving away spoilers there is an entire franchise that has basically made good movies while dealing with a similar plot device.

Time to sum things up. I might be picky but I want to care about the characters in a horror movie. This way I’m interested in what I’m watching. If that doesn’t work at least give me some good gore. Slumber Party Massacre II brings nothing to the table. I’d say pass on this one. I might have to re-watch the original or maybe check out part III which I’ve also not seen before just to cleanse my horror movie palette.

© Copyright 2017 John Shatzer