I Drink Your Blood (1970)

How have I never reviewed my favorite drive-in movie for the site? I Drink Your Blood checks all the cheesy boxes for a good time. What are those boxes you might ask? Well, I’m happy to share with you.

The movie takes place in a small town that is dying. Almost everyone has left except for a woman who runs a local bakery, a grandfather, and his grandkids as well as the workers at a nearby jobsite. The bakery is only open to help feed the men working and living nearby. To this scene comes some groovy hippy/satanists lead by their charismatic leader Horace Bones. When we first see the group, they are naked and performing a ritual involving a chicken. A local girl, Sylvia, is spying on them. They catch her and it is implied that she is assaulted in the most heinous of ways. The next time we see her she is nearly comatose and wandering into town.

Eventually Grandpa finds out what happened to her and goes to get some payback or maybe just scare them off with his shotgun. They overpower him and force some LSD into the old guy. He makes his way home and now the younger brother is down to get some payback. Pete has worked with his grandpa, who is a vet. So, he knows to kill a rabid dog and then inject some meat pies with its blood. They feed them to the hippies and then you get a bunch of homicidal, bloodthirsty, hydrophobic, crazy people running around. One particular lady from the group gets really friendly with the workers at the job site and you can add them to the problem. Things get bloody before the movie ends on a bit of a vague but satisfying conclusion.

Have some rabies with your meat pies!

I’ve always loved I Drink Your Blood and consider it a perfect example of what made these low budget drive-in movies awesome. The story is fast paced and easy to follow. You have some weirdo hippies show up. They do crazy stuff like the infamous rat hunt (not for the squeamish) so that you know right away there is something very wrong with them. There is the hint of rape, which sets up the revenge part of the movie. The acting is already over the top but once the characters get rabid it goes even crazier. Folks are chased around with swords, hatchets, and yes severed heads. No one is safe from the disease as it is spread with a single bite or any other exchange of bodily fluids. Of course, that explains the sleaziest part of the flick where the one lady gets naked and the fellas at the work site take turns. As you can see the movie leans into over-the-top exploitation. That is exactly what I want in a flick like this.

For a movie made in nineteen seventy the gore is damn explicit as the blood flows freely. We get a gruesome stabbing followed by amputation. Some guts hit the floor, a nice lady loses her hand, a strangling, another rabid hippy torches themselves, a shotgun to the face, and a sword comes poking out of a mouth. Though my favorite must be the pregnant lady realizing her baby is doomed and taking a handy wooden stake to her uterus. The blood is very theatrical and bright red, but that only adds to the charm. Think an H.G. Lewis flick with just a bit less restraint! Heck I didn’t even mention what we thought would be the heroic lead losing his head and having it carried tossed around for the last few scenes.

All of this winds up with a vague ending where you think that one of our survivors and the love interest of the surviving male lead is probably infected. Also Pete is seen wandering off aimlessly into a field. What does that mean? Maybe he is toast as well? Normally I’m not a fan of this sort of thing but here it works. If you haven’t seen I Drink Your Blood before do yourself a favor and track down a copy. This is at the very beginning of the golden era of low budget over the top decade of the seventies and because of that is a must see. I love this movie!

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

First Men in the Moon (1964)

Time for some classic science fiction here at the site. This movie is based loosely on the H.G. Lewis novel of the same name. Things kick off in the “present” of the sixties as the first manned mission to the moon lands. They promptly discover a flag from Victorian England that claims the moon for the queen! Those in charge back on Earth do some digging and find a man named Bedford in an old folk’s home. He tells them a tale from decades earlier about he and his companions traveled to the moon and returned.

Bedford is living in a cottage trying to finish his great play when he fiancé Kate arrives. The pair end up entangled with Professor Cavor who lives nearby and warns them he is doing some dangerous experiments. Basically, he has discovered an element that cancels gravity and with this he has planned a trip to the moon. Bedford mortgages his cottage, which turns out not to be his, to finance the trip. To do this he has Kate sign a lot of documents that leaves her holding the bag. Yeah so our hero is a bit of a con man I think. They make it to the moon where Bedford immediately responds to the locals, an insect like race that lives below the surface, by killing a bunch of them. Quick questions, are we supposed to like the hero? More things happen before Bedford and Kate make their escape leaving the professor behind because he wants to try and work with the aliens.

Nothing quite as fun as composite shots

This is a bit of fun science fiction from the mid-sixties that I’ve always enjoyed. Though I will admit that it takes a while to get rolling as they don’t even leave for their trip until the forty-five-minute mark. Before that we get a lot of character development. Now that I’m older I found myself not liking the character of Bedford that much. He is less a charming rogue and more of a hustler. Luckily, I still think that Lionel Jeffries as Professor Cavor is still a great character. This is helped by a subplot of him trying to explain to the alien race about mankind’s propensity towards war and violence, or more accurately apologize for it. This is from Wells’ original writing and I’m glad it was brought over. As a kid I never much noticed but now it is obvious to me that Wells was trying to make a point.

What wasn’t in this book and seemingly was lifted from War of the Worlds is the fate of the aliens on the moon. Professor Cavor his sneezing a bit here and there and when the astronauts finally arrive to the subsurface city, they discover that everything is deserted with the inhabitants long dead. I guess the moral to the story is to not bother trying to make friends and understand each other because you will just end up killing them with the common cold! This is a much darker and depressing ending then I remember. It doesn’t fit the more upbeat fantasy vibe that the rest of the movie sets up. I found it all a bit jarring.

Ray Harryhausen was awesome!

Hands down the best part of First Men in the Moon are the special effects. The sphere in which they travel to the moon has a cool steam punk vibe that works perfectly. The aliens are brought to the screen with some decent costuming and masks. We get some solid composite shots establishing the action on the moon. But the absolute coolest stuff is the stop motion effects work from the legendary Ray Harryhausen. We get some great insect creatures as well as a killer giant caterpillar that I think may be a bit carnivorous. I love old school special effects and it doesn’t get any better than this man’s work.

In the end despite the flaws in the story and pacing I’d still say it was worth checking out the movie for Harryhausen’s work alone. I know that isn’t a glowing endorsement of First Men in the Moon, but I think that it is an honest one.

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

Badass Monster Killer (2015)

Jimmy Chevelle is the monster killer mentioned in the title. He rolls around Camaroville killing all sorts of Lovecraftian horrors while scoring with the ladies. It’s okay though because he works for the Department of Supernatural Security which gives him his badge and gun! Thru a series of flashbacks, we see that his former partner was murdered by a cult lead by the most evil of dudes the Reverend Dellamorte. Their latest plan is to summon the bride of Cthulhu while cornering the weed market so they can distribute a special blend that will encourage the citizens of Camaroville to join their cause. Jimmy and his various lovely sidekicks must stop the bride and save the day. Even if he gets kicked off the force.

There is a lot to like about Badass Monster Killer and a lot that goes sideways. The good stuff is that they totally nail the dialogue and characters. This is a blend of Blaxploitation and Mythos monsters done on a budget. There is a groovy vibe, and it is a bit repetitive but silly fun to watch Jimmy dropping the same pickup line on different ladies before killing the bad guys and taking them back to his pad for some grown up time. This isn’t being played seriously but for laughs and honestly it works well. I liked the cast, and the actors have some chemistry with one another. Plus, it is clear that they are having fun, which is a must for a flick like this. We also get many pretty women in skimpy outfits as well as some topless ladies in the few scenes set in strip clubs. Hey, the bad guys even have topless dancers, which really is a must have for any secret lair in my humble opinion.

I was shocked at how the various Mythos creatures are accurately named and the job that the filmmakers did to bring them to the screen. Who the hell knows what a Shoggoth looks like, other then a Lovecraft nerd like myself that is. They did a decent job with the creature design and by God it is latex and rubber. We also get a spine ripped out, a fun looking bride of Cthulhu complete with he “squid chin”, and some cool body melts as the “acid titties” take their toll. There are a few shots with puppets and some miniature work that I thought was a lot of fun. I dig it when a movie tries to give me some old school effects.

Sadly, there is also a lot of badly done CGI here as well. Giant monsters stomping around, heads popping off, and many kills are cringeworthy. I get the lack of budget and can forgive the above but then they double down. Most of the movie is shot on a green screen with a comic bookish looking city scape behind them. Hell, most of the movie was likely show with a green screen and a few bits of furniture used to dress the different “sets” which are again just green screen and not actual locations. This feels like a flick that was shot completely in a warehouse. I can forgive some bad effects work but at least have some sort of gritty locations to shoot scenes in. The damn movie is almost completely set in a sketchy strip club/cultists hideout and in an alley. Would that have been too terribly difficult?

Too much greenscreen for me

The other thing that sort of bugged me was the length of the movie. This is a fun gimmick, but it will wear out its welcome sooner rather than later. This flick clocks in at a surprising hour and thirty-six minutes! Why? There are a few characters that could have been deleted and jokes that didn’t need to be revisited. For example, the dumb investigators that keep popping up only to get their noggins ripped off aren’t necessary. Same goes for his inspector who brings nothing to the story. One of the things that I notice with a lot of low budget filmmakers is that they either edit the movie themselves or hire someone as equally invested in everything they shot. You could have told this story with a lot tighter runtime, which would have helped immensely. Cut fifteen minutes and this is a way more fun experience.

Now I didn’t hate Badass Monster Killer. It was a fun mashup that treats both the subgenres (Blaxploitation and Lovecraftian Mythos) with respect. But perhaps they were a bit too ambitious with their available resources and needed an editor to cut things down. Still, I’ve seen much worse and think that there enough going for it to check out the movie.

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

Samaritan (2022)

I’m not going to lie. When I saw this show up on previews for what was coming to Amazon Prime it got me excited. Of all the action stars from the eighties Stallone has aged the best, or at least still manages to pull off the roles. The dude is in his seventies and still plays a believable badass. That is saying something. Given that he was going to try his hand at a superhero story… well let’s just say I was looking forward to this far more than anything Marvel has been teasing.

Stallone portrays Joe, a garbage man with a secret. Living in a city under siege by a gang led by Cyrus he tries to keep his head down. Cyrus was inspired by a supervillain named Nemesis to create chaos and to take down the government and financial powers that be. The aforementioned supervillain died in a climatic fight with Samaritan, the city’s hero, who also disappeared and was presumed dead. That said many, including a kid named Sam, believe that Samaritan survived and has been hiding. After being saved by Joe and seeing what he can do Sam confronts him and they become friends. Events lead Cyrus to find out that Samaritan is alive, and he decides to use Sam as leverage to finish what his hero Nemesis started. He will bring down the city and kill the hero.

Being that this is such a new movie and one that I think is worth checking out I’m going to be very careful about what I spoil here in the review. I will let you know that there is one big twist that I saw right away. But it didn’t take away from how much fun I had with the movie. I was impressed with the pacing and while we have all seen this sort of story before there is enough action that things never get old. Basically, they keep the interesting stuff coming so you don’t get a chance to overthink what you are watching. The villain, Cyrus, is played decently enough to be memorable, though his henchmen are generic. Stallone does a solid job bringing Joe to the screen. The guy has gotten the “I’m old and tired” reluctant hero down to a science and does that again here. No one does that sort of grizzled old guy character better then him.

The fights are so well done... loved them!

The action sequences are choreographed well and unlike some other superhero flicks Samaritan’s fights feel far more realistic than I would have thought possible. When Joe gets mad, he starts snapping necks and killing the baddies without mercy. This leads to some great bits with a flipped car, some hammer action, and the best shrugging off of bullets that I’ve seen on screen. My personal favorite was him doing away with one of the henchmen by jamming a grenade into his chest and walking away. This also reminded me that he, Stallone, has some decent one liners that made me laugh.

I understand that Samaritan might not be everyone’s cup of tea. As a big fan of Stallone, I’m likely giving the movie a pass on some stuff. For example, the final showdown between Joe and Cyrus falls a bit flat. We get a lot of build up without a lot of payoff. The ending also is a bit confusing as they try and jam a “you have to make the difference” message/lesson as the final takeaway. I don’t think that is setup and would have liked to see it more pronounced throughout the rest of the story. In the end while not a perfect movie I still think that Samaritan is worth a look and can be a good time. 

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

Wonder Women (1973)

It has been a while since I got my drive-in movie mojo going here at the site, so I thought since I’m taking a break from my most recent marathon I’d get back to the good stuff. This flick starts off with some topless ladies swimming and then doing karate. This feeds into a montage of them kidnapping world class athletes and smuggling them to an island where the dreaded Dr. Tsu uses them as spare parts to fix what ails her wealthy clients. Need a set of eyes or maybe some new legs… she has what you need… for a price!

One of her most recent acquisitions is a Jai Lai player who is insured by Lloyds of London for a cool half a million. The company brings our hero Mike in on the recovery, and he starts to unravel what is going on. This is with the help of his side kick Lapu-Lapu, played by Vic Diaz. When the local mob run by Won Ton Charlie fails to kill him on Tsu’s orders, she sends one of her lady assassins after him. But old Mike is way too sexy for her and eventually she leads him to the hidden island where there is a big showdown. Much Kung-Fu is done, bullets are shot, and the requisite basement of freaks is released to go on a killing rampage. That is about all one could ask from a movie shot in the Philippines.

Let me preface my review with the following. This is not a great movie. The actions sequences are silly, the acting is a bit wooden, and the story is goofy. Objectively there is no reason that I should have loved this as much as I did. But I love these shot in the Philippines flicks so much. They have a certain charm where the filmmakers just go for it, regardless of if they have the budget or a cohesive story to tell. Here the story is straightforward and simple in that sort of men’s magazine two fisted adventure style. The ladies are lovely, bed the fellas, and can’t resist their utter manliness leading to them betraying their bosses. Totally cheesy in that awesome drive-in “B” movie fashion that puts a smile on my face. There is always something interesting on screen and I was never bored by it.

Vic Diaz! This guy was awesome.

The cast has a lot of familiar faces that worked in the Philippines. I’ve already mentioned Vic Diaz, who was a legend and appeared is so many great movies. Here he has a decent part and gets to play second fiddle to our hero. Mike is played by Ross Hagen, who did quite a few flicks overseas and was a solid actor in “B” movies. Nancy Kwan is great as the deadly Dr. Tsu. I also recognize at least one of the lady assassins from the Women in Prison flicks made around the same time. Though my favorite is an unexpected appearance by the legendary Sid Haig as Gregorious, Dr. Tsu’s business partner, That dude can pull a ruffled shirt off like no other.

We also get some generic monsters that sort of play a part in the end, as well as some spare organs floating in jars. But this isn’t one of those that is going to lean heavily into the horrific aspects of things. Again, it is more about the action sequences, including a car chase where lots of crazy shit happens, including a great stunt with a guy getting hit by one of the cars. Only this wasn’t a stunt as they didn’t close or control the streets as they were shooting. The folks running away from the taxis weren’t acting and neither was the guy who got hit by the car! Now that is guerilla filmmaking.

I had a blast with Wonder Women and highly recommend anyone that is into these actors or the drive-in movies of the seventies to track themselves down a copy. I guarantee you will have fun with it.

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

The Cape Canaveral Monsters (1960)

I pride myself on having watched most of the horrible movies put out in the fifties and early sixties, but The Cape Canaveral Monsters eluded me. Hell, I never even knew it existed until my friend Pete was talking about it. He hooked me up with a copy and of course I dove in at the first opportunity.

There are aliens trying to sabotage the U.S. space program by shooting at the rockets with a special ray gun. They can’t survivor or at least interact with our world, so they inhabit the dead bodies of a couple they killed in a car accident. We also find out that they freeze humans to transport back to their home world for study, but that process is difficult, and many are destroyed by the process. Sounds good so far… right? Well don’t get your hopes up.

Sally is the niece of the German scientist that is running the rocket program and she has eyes for a mathematician named Tom. But Herr scientist doesn’t like the idea of his niece dating someone working on the project, so the pair sneak off with another couple, Bob and Shirley. They run into the aliens, one of whom has an arm that won’t stay on his stolen body. This is important later. Some science stuff happens, then some alien stuff. Eventually Bob is used for spare parts (the arm) and Sally is frozen for transport. Tom and Sally also get caught but are rescued by the army and then some stuff happens with explosives and the world is saved.

This movie is only an hour long and it was a slog to get thru. The story is paper thin, and I never understood the shifting motivations of our invading aliens. They act like it is a big deal for them to travel, but then just pop home for a consultation. They are super smart, but don’t understand that the radium on our watch faces (used to be a thing) is the super precious material that they use to unlock and turn stuff on and off. How am I supposed to be scared of aliens that don’t even do the tiniest amount of prep work? The humans aren’t much smarter as our characters keep walking into traps and do the dumbest things. If they had a script here it wasn’t thought out at all.

Action packed Alien invasion

The pacing also is terrible. The movie is filled with stock footage of rockets and guard shacks because why spend money to shoot anything when you can get it for free. When we do get new footage a great deal of it are various characters walking around here and there aimlessly. But I’d rather watch that then the cast try to stumble thru their dialogue. Are you beginning to catch onto how bad that this one is?

I will give the movie some credit for a couple of gags with the severed arm. They have the actor tuck it behind him while another hidden actor sticks his arm out of a window. This as well as a couple other tricks worked decently enough to get my attention. Sadly, it is lost in an otherwise mess of a movie.

Probably no surprise here but I’m not recommend you spend your time or money on The Cape Canaveral Monsters. This may be the worst of the fifties science fiction movies that I’ve sat thru and trust me there have been some real turkeys.

 

Ó Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955)

This movie finds us watching the crew of an American nuclear submarine on maneuvers in the Pacific. The sonarman lets them know that something is shadowing them and then accelerates to intercept the sub. They are grabbed and stuck fast no matter how much they push the engines. Rocking back and forth they finally get free but when they look, they notice something odd stuck to the hull. Something biological!

One of our three main characters is the sub commander Pete. When he goes to see what the scientists think we meet the other two. Dr. Carter and the lovely professor Lesley Joyce. Hint… she is the love interest! The three of them get swept up in trying to convince the military that a huge octopus is out there wrecking ships and killing folks. Then after it has become obvious it is up to them to sort out how to stop it before it wrecks San Francisco. Yeah, this is the movie where the giant octopus destroys the Golden Gate Bridge. Who wins and who dies? Let’s just say there is a special on calamari for the foreseeable future.

This is one of those monster movies that I grew up watching as a kid. It was on heavy rotation with our local horror hosted programs, and I always dug it. The story is very simple but delivers the goods with enough creature mayhem to keep me occupied. The cast is filled with decent actors, and I have to say that the beautiful Faith Domergue, playing Lesley, was certainly interesting to an adolescent me as well. Kenneth Tobey as the sub commander Pete was also the first time that I noticed an actor in more than one role. He also starred in one of my favorites, The Thing from Another World.

The highlight of It Came from Beneath the Sea then and now is the monster. This is brought to the screen with a combination of rear projection and stop motion animation. These old school special effects always make me smile, especially when they are done well. Considering that the legendary Ray Harryhausen was responsible for the monster and the models it crushed it is no wonder that I loved this one so much. If you are looking for a fun creature feature, you could do a lot worse than this.

So far I’ve mostly talked about what I loved about the movie as a kid growing up. While I still dig it, I must be honest and admit that this time around I noticed how much stock footage was used. We get lots of jets, navy ships, and various ordinance expended in pursuit of the creature thanks to grainy footage of the real thing. Most of this is narrated which only goes to make it even more obvious. I was surprised to hear that It Came from Beneath the Sea was a lower budget movie, but that does explain a lot. Rumor is that the octopus in this movie only had six tentacles to save money. It didn’t ruin things, but it also bumps it down a bit from the other classic Harryhausen flicks that are out there.

This movie is well worth checking out. If for nothing else than the iconic attack on the Golden Gate bridge. Whenever you see a documentary discussing the fifties and sci-fi movies that is always in the mix. Might as well check out where it came from.

 

© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer