So far in
the Christmas horror marathon I’ve been covering either silly over the top
flicks like Santa’s Slay or semi-serious horror like Silent Night. This far
into the marathon I figured it was time for me to tackle something darker and a
bit more twisted. I bought this one when it came out and remember really liking
it, but that was a few years ago. Time to dust off the DVD and revisit Rare
Exports.
This is a
Finish movie set on the border between Finland and Russia. Our characters are
living in the shadow of a mountain that sits across the border. Something is up
as a company is excavating the mountain top complete with explosions and heavy
equipment. This stirs up the wolves which itself causes issues with the big
reindeer harvest that the locals rely on for both food and income. When they
find the entire herd slaughtered by what they think are wolves they angrily
cross the border to get payment from the company that caused the disaster.
Now of
course it isn’t wolves. Instead the excavation has unearthed a block of ice
with Santa Claus trapped inside. This is the Jolly old fellow we are familiar
with but is instead a demon that collected naughty children and I think ate
them? The movie is a bit vague about the specifics, but it certainly isn’t
good. The other twist is that the old guy with the white beard that we think is
Santa Claus is really one of his elves. In fact, all of the elves are old white
dudes with beards that run around collecting the children for their master. The
characters find this out when one of them falls into a pit trap that was set
for a wolf. Eventually the hunters find themselves fighting the elves to both
save the children that they grabbed for Santa to eat, as well as stopping Santa
from melting out of the ice block he is still trapped in.
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| This is not the Santa you are used to! |
This is a
dark movie that has some serious horror themes as well as an added bonus. First
the horror stuff. These homicidal Santa’s, again really just elves, running
around are very nasty creatures. They are dirty, naked, and scary looking. They
sniff out the children and snatch them away leaving these creepy straw dolls in
their place. If you get in their way, they will murder the hell out of you with
whatever weapon is at hand. This is more Charlie Manson than it is Killer Santa
Claus, which makes the movie very dark and frightening. If you are wanting to
pop a movie in and giggle at the girl being shoved into a woodchipper for being
naughty this isn’t the movie for you. People do that right? I’m not the only one
that finds woodchipper murders funny, am I?
 |
| Santa on Ice |
I
mentioned an added bonus in the paragraph above. What I never expected from
Rare Exports was a sweet coming of age story with our main character, the young
son of one of the hunters. He is very timid and scared thru most of the movie
trying to convince his father that something weird is going on. This is one of
those movies where the kid figures it out first and tries to get the adults on
board. It is mentioned that his mother had died, so it is just the two of them
and without being obvious about it they clearly don’t relate to one another
well. This all changes as the movie goes along and the kid takes charge and
saves the day thru his bravery. You actually see their relationship change as
the father understands and is proud of his son by the end of the movie. In
spite of how dark and messed up portions of Rare Exports there is this
unexpected bit of heart. How they got that to work without it feeling out of
place is a tribute to the script and filmmakers.
The movie
ends with one of the most amusing and interesting ideas that I’ve seen in a
long time. They have all of these elves who, spoiler alert, have no master
after Santa is blown to hell with some dynamite. What to do with them? Clean
them up, put some red suits on them and train them to be proper Santas. Then they
ship them around the world for a tidy profit, which covers their losses from
the reindeer harvest gone wrong. Works for me. I’m going to recommend Rare
Exports. Just understand that this isn’t like any of the other movies that
appear in this marathon in that it can be disturbing.
© Copyright 2018 John Shatzer
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