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Monday, December 10, 2018

Santa’s Slay (2005)




The first annual Twelve Days of Christmas horror kicks off here at the blog with this gem starring Bill Goldberg as Santa Claus. I’ve been thinking about doing a marathon around the most wonderful time of the year, according to some people anyway. I still prefer Halloween… Poking around my collection I found a lot of cool holiday horrors to watch and review. Might as well start with this one.

After an opening scene with a dysfunctional family getting taken out by Goldberg’s Santa, we get to meet our main characters. Nicolas is finishing up work at the delicatessen and catches a ride home with his friend and possible girl Mary. Nicolas lives at home with his grandfather, who is known as the local kook in town as he refuses to celebrate Santa Claus. That is because he is the keeper of the true story of Santa. Jolly old Saint Nick is actually Satan’s son and was tricked into losing a bet with an angel that forced him to be jolly for a thousand years. This is the year that he can go back to being a jerk and killing people. The rest of the movie is Santa killing his way thru town to get to Nicolas and his grandpa. But why them? There are reasons that I won’t spoil here.

This is a fun movie that starts off fast and never lets up on the gas. I dig the opening scene with the family being killed off by Santa. Not only do we get to see someone drowned in egg nog, another set on fire, and finally a death by turkey leg but these are all cameos! There are many familiar faces in this opening sequence that makes the scene that much more fun. From there the action moves along quickly with kills mixed in while we are being told the true story of Santa thru the interaction between Nicolas and his grandfather. This is especially good since the late great Robert Culp plays grandpa. Some secrets are revealed that explain why Santa is after them and set up the big finale. This is one of those rare movies that never has a wasted scene while still taking the time to tell a good story.

Goldberg is an awesome Santa!
The kills are fun and mostly holiday themed. In addition to the ones that I’ve already mentioned we get death by Candy Cane, a Wreath used as a deadly weapon, and even a Menorah modified for some murder! I like a holiday movie that is inclusive like that. Oh, and I should also mention the attempted homicide by Zamboni! That always makes things more interesting. The gore is mostly CGI and is played for laughs. This isn’t a gross out sort of flick so don’t expect over the top kills. They do make up for it with over thirty kills including Santa’s visit to the stripper pole! See what I did there?

Finally, I have to talk about Bill Goldberg. He is so damn good in this movie. He has the physical presence to be intimidating while still looking like Santa. Having watched him as a wrestler I sort of expected that but what I never saw coming was his acting. He nails the dialogue and hits every one liner perfectly. Without him the movie doesn’t work but with his performance it is a great time. If you are looking for a funny killer Santa Claus movie then this is the one for you. I highly recommend it.


© Copyright 2018 John Shatzer

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