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Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Slasher Marathon Summer 2019


That wraps up our third annual Slasher movie marathon here at Crappy Movie Reviews. There were some old favorites, a couple new favorites, and a lot of… well garbage seems to be too harsh. I think I’m starting to really scrape the bottom of the barrel here in our third year. But I have plenty of time to find some good stuff for next year and I always have more Friday the 13th movies to look forward to.

Below is what we covered with some brief thoughts. I’ve also linked to the full review at the end of each recap as well. Enjoy and as always thanks for supporting one horror nerds’ efforts to find and review every Slasher movie ever made, no matter how painful!

Friday the 13th Part III (1982) – What can you say about this one? First hockey mask, goofy gags to take advantage of the 3D, and of course the magic bag of props that seems to contain everything. Full review here.

Friday the 13th Part VI (1986) – Thom Matthews of Return of the Living Dead fame stars as an all grown up Tommy Jarvis in what I think is the last decent sequel of the original nine. I’ve always considered Jason X to be sort of a reboot/parody. I love the old Universal Horror vibe to the flick as well. Full review here.

Dude Bro Party Massacre Part III (2017) – Dude… Bro… That about sums up this movie. This could have been one of those annoying attempts to spoof the Slasher genre, but it isn’t. Instead this is a movie made in the spirit of them that while it cracks jokes at the genre’s expense it does so with a lot of affection. Full review here.

Tourist Trap (1979) – Chuck Connors is awesome. Do I need to say anymore? If you think I do then check out the full review here.

Splatter University (1984) – Super low budget attempt at a Slasher flick. Very slow at times, but there are some good kills and the ending is a lot of fun. Full review here.

You Might be the Killer (2018) – This movie had a lot of hype when it first showed up on Shudder. Unlike some others on this list it lived up to it. While totally different from Dude Bro Party Massacre Part III in tone it is also a unique take on the Slasher genre that is made by someone who clearly loves these movies. Check out the review here.

The Forest (1982) – Actor, Stuntman, Filmmaker Gary Kent is one of the greatest guys you could ever meet. His performance is also the only thing of note in this weird attempt at a backwoods slasher with ghosts and infidelity. It is a mess. If you want to see Gary in a much better movie giving another stellar performance check out Schoolgirls in Chains. The full review for The Forest can be found here.

Hell Fest (2018) – This is another movie that had some buzz surrounding it. While I give them an “A” for effort Hell Fest fell very flat for me. Uninspired kills and ending that I suppose was creepy, or at least wanted to be. Click here for more.

The Ranger (2018) – People were going bonkers for this one when it showed up on Shudder. While not a bad movie it isn’t that good either. I need to file this one under “I don’t get it”. The entire review can be found here.

The Mutilator (1984) throwback Thursday – This is a first for the marathon. I actually dug up an old review done for a magazine a couple years ago. If you haven’t seen the Mutilator you really must do so right away. Full review with a detailed look at the special features on the disc here.

Sleepaway Camp (1983) – A lot of people hate this movie. Coincidentally a lot of people are stupid as well. I love this movie and it is a go to flick every October when I get in the mood for some horror. This has one of the best shock endings in horror movie history. Check out the full review here.

Amsterdamned (1988) – Thirty-one years old and this was a new one to me. The trailer looked killer and also contained all the best horror bits in the movie. Not sure what genre this movie wanted to be, but in the end it doesn’t really nail any of them. I was disappointed. The full review can be found here.

Prom Night (1980) – I like to sprinkle in the classics when I do these marathons. This one has a good mystery, Jamie Lee Curtis, and disco dancing! Oh and Leslie Nielsen is the dad. This is an underappreciated early entry to the Slasher craze that dominated horror in the early eighties. Full review here.

Deadly Games (1982) – With the popularity of Slasher movies a lot of unreleased movies got a snazzy new poster and tagline to try and fool the audience. Shot in the seventies Deadly Games is one of those movies. While not awful it doesn’t deliver as advertised. Click here for the full review.

Slumber Party Massacre (1982) – This is one of the purest Slasher movies that you will ever see. It doesn’t break new ground, gives the requisite nudity and kills at the proper intervals, and doesn’t overstay it’s welcome at a tight seventy-six minutes. I have no complaints about this one. The full review can be found here.

Graduation Day (1981) – This is the polar opposite of Slumber Party Massacre. Overly long with mediocre kills and a muddled plot. This is a complete mess that is only notable for the inclusion of a young Vanna White as well as some early work by Linnea Quigley. This one is a chore to get thru. Full review found here.

Killer Workout (1987) – Aerobics was really big in the eighties. You get to see a lot of lady butts in leotards in this one, just in case you didn’t know how popular it was. I can’t say that this is a good movie… it really isn’t! But there is something stupidly fun about Killer Workout. Read here for more. 

If you have any ideas for next summer’s marathon, please use the email box to the upper right of this review to send them our way. Until then I hope you have fun and remember to never ever go into the woods, prom, spooky cabin, to the beach, or especially a creepy roadside attraction for some premarital nookie/weed smoking. I can assure you it never ends well.


© Copyright 2019 John Shatzer


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