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I thought I'd kick the new year off with another movie marathon. I thought it was time to check out a few old school mystery flicks. Som...

Thursday, August 11, 2022

Amityville Playhouse (aka. Amityville Theater) (2016)

Still trudging thru these movies and they haven’t gotten any better yet. Here is what happens with this movie. Our main character is Fawn who we meet in a college classroom. The class is dismissed, and we find out that she has inherited a run-down theater from her parents. She and some of her friends are going to check it out, but her professor seems a bit concerned and decides to check the history of the place out. That is a good idea because we have already seen an inspector get killed by something at that very same theater!

The rest of the movie is Fawn and her friends getting killed and turning into spooky ghosts or possessed corpses. While all this is happening, the professor is reading books and figuring things out. When he goes to the locals for help more is revealed and the secret of the spooky Indian demons who live under the town is told. But by the time this happens I didn’t care as I was ready for this snooze fest to be over.

For the love of God filmmakers please hire an editor for your flicks. There isn’t that much story here and somehow, they manage to stretch the run time out to an hour and forty-three minutes long! This is why we get extended sequences of the professor reading books in his hotel room as well as the library. There are also painfully long scenes where our main characters bicker and trip over lines that they clearly can’t deliver. Though the inane dialogue doesn’t help either. We get on particularly annoying soliloquy where one character has to explain to another why calling yet another gay makes him look like a douche. Honestly ten minutes with this cast and I was already rooting for the ghosts to murder everyone. Spoilers… I get my wish in what is a completely predictable and terrible ending.

The not so great cast
What else can I say? The special effects aren’t very special. The director is not great. I’ve already mentioned a bit as to how bad the actors are. This movie is seven years old and as far as I can tell none of the actors have any other credits before or after. Draw your own conclusions from that. Other than the theater being in Amityville, really Canada filling in for New York state, this doesn’t connect to the series much at all. But at this point I don’t suppose that means anything at all.

This is yet another cash in on the Amityville name where some independent filmmaker decides to cash in on whatever crappy ghost movie they have made. This might be one of the worst of the Amityville movies that I’ve watched so far, and that is saying a lot. This is going to be a short review but honestly this one is so bad that I can’t even come up with material to be mad about. Do yourself a favor and avoid Amityville Playhouse at all costs.


© Copyright 2022 John Shatzer

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