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I thought I'd kick the new year off with another movie marathon. I thought it was time to check out a few old school mystery flicks. Som...

Friday, April 2, 2021

Featured Post - Witchcraft Marathon

I watch a lot of movies but I somehow missed out on a few franchises. Most of them started or have the majority of their sequels released in a post '80s world. Also many of them are ripped to pieces by the fans, which begs to ask "Who the hell is buying/renting these?" No matter how low the budgets are if you make a movie no one watches then it will eventually stop due to lack of paying customers. So that means someone out there is a fan of the Camp Blood movies. Let that sink in...

Speaking of the Camp Blood movies I recently checked them out. You can start with the first one here to see what my thoughts are on that franchise. I figured the best way to get a sense of the series was to watch them as quickly as possible. I powered thru all thirteen in less than a week. Posting a review each day while I was doing it. It was not a pleasant experience. But I noticed that a lot of people seemed to like it and more importantly I made some new friends who were commiserating with me as to how bad some of them were. So in a weird way I ended up having fun. I love chatting horror flicks with new people and that unintended side effect has encouraged me to do this again. 

Now that I've explained myself I want to let you all know that I'm about to embark on yet another franchise review. I'm going to watch all sixteen Witchcraft movies one after the other until I'm either done or dead! I will have full reviews coming later but before that I'll keep this page updated with my progress. It all starts this weekend so wish me luck!

Witchcraft (1988) - Watched 4/2/21. I suppose this first movie sets the tone for the series. We have a young woman named Grace giving birth and bring brought by her husband to stay with his mother. That isn't creepy at all. Not a great movie but okay. I've seen much worse. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft II: The Temptress (1989) - Watched 4/2/21. I was having some positive vibes from the first flick. The franchise has such a terrible reputation that I thought maybe it was exaggerated. It wasn't... Witchcraft II is a mess. The pacing is terrible and at times it feels like a bad '80s video. Think Madonna only dumber. I may be in trouble. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death (1991) - Watched 4/3/21. Well we got William back, played by the same actor. I give the filmmakers credit for trying to keep it consistent and create a story arch across the movies. That said the special effects are basically non existent, along with a coherent plot or acting. Instead we get bad nineties saxophone music and nudity. Will that be the formula the rest will follow? Let us hope not. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft IV: Virgin Heart (1992) - Watched 4/3/21. The first three movies at least had titles that made sense. I didn't see or hear any dialogue that made me understand the whole virgin heart thing. Instead this is an attempt at making a film noir/hardboiled detective story. Sadly they, the filmmakers, are so inept it is laughable. The only highlight is Julie Strain who was by far the best actor or actress in the movie. That isn't enough to save this turkey. On to the next entry. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft V: Dance with the Devil (1993) - Watched 4/5/21. This movie gives us a new actor playing William who is still a lawyer and has yet another new girlfriend. Here we see him dealing with a demon or maybe the a bill collector for the Devil named Cain. Stuff happens and William walks away. Here is where I think the series really doubles down on the Skinemax nudity and naughty stuff. Not a good movie but at least the actor who plays Cain chews the scenery up. At this point I'll take what I can get. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft VI (1994) - Watched 4/7/21. Well we get another actor checking in as William and this movie introduces some cops as comedy relief. Other than that the same story is repeated. New bad guy rolls into town, this time another evil warlock that wants to summon Satan... again. Stuff happens including even more naughty bits as they lean even more into that rather than story and characters. Another less than stellar outing from the franchise. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft VII: Judgement Hour (1995) - Watched 4/9/21. I don't even know where to begin with this miserable mess of a movie. There is no story, no characters, and no reason to watch. The director's idea of entertainment is lots of nudity and people rolling around on one another. It's not good. Check out my full review here

Witchcraft VIII: Salem's Ghost (1996) - Watched 4/9/21. This isn't a good movie but in the context of the Witchcraft franchise it is a classic. There is an attempt at telling a coherent story and while we get the requisite naughty scenes it doesn't feel like the movie is padded with them. Again not wonderful but much better than what we had been getting. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft IX: Bitter Flesh (1997) - Watched 4/10/21. Well not to make a joke but I'm bitter about this one. The previous entry gave me some hope that the filmmakers would at least try and do something different as the series continued. Instead they brought back the director from Judgment hour who brought back the dead character of William and managed to make a flick that is even worse than they did before. Damn it to Hell! Check out the full review here

Witchcraft X: Mistress of the Craft (1998) - Watched 4/11/21. The franchise seems to have ditched William and moved the action to London. These are good things as maybe they can get the franchise reset and away from the loop of crap they have been in since... well... the beginning. But no they decide to bring one character with them and that is played by the worst actress in the previous installment, which is saying something. Toss in some bi-sexual vampires and yet another summoning to destroy us all for another been there done that recycled dumpster fire. Check out the full review here

Witchcraft XI: Sisters in Blood (1999) - Watched 4/12/21. Back to the USA as William and Lutz do battle with evil yet again. This time it involves possession and a creepy drama teacher. Though it is mostly people walking, talking, and rolling around in the sheets. Honestly this series is either terrible or horrible. I've given up hope for anything slightly worth watching. Check out my full review here

Witchcraft XII: In the Lair of the Serpent (2002) - Watched 4/13/21. This is the first movie of the franchise that was made in the new millennium so maybe that means they could have a fresh start! Who am I kidding? They just recycled the same plot of someone trying to complete some sort of summoning that will be bad. And to make things more fun the director and writer is Brad Sykes of Camp Blood infamy. They are really doubling down with the bad in this flick. Check out my full review here

Witchcraft XIII: Blood of the Chosen (2008) - Watched 4/14/21. So now there are a lot of good guy warlocks running around and they are being picked off one at a time by an evil cult who is stealing their power to do evil stuff. William is back and is the chosen one. If he bangs a specific lady they will have a baby that will rule the world for evil. Why the hell am I watching these movies? Check out my full review here

Witchcraft XIV: Angel of Death (2016) - Watched 4/15/21. Here we are at the last three entries into the Witchcraft franchise. These are unique as they were all shot at the same time and are supposed to contain a large over arching story line. Think Lord of the Rings only based upon this first movie really shitty. Check out my full review here

Witchcraft XV: Blood Rose (2016) - Watched 4/17/21. Toss in a bunch of reused footage with a recycled storyline and the desire to immediately return the angel of death plot line from the previous movie and you have... another crappy movie. Seriously this franchise can't be over soon enough for me. Check out my full review here

Witchcraft XVI: Hollywood Coven (2016) - Watched 4/17/21. So I guess they decided to get creative with this movie. The actors from the earlier movies appear in this movie as actors in a movie that the shooting of is the central plot of this movie. It gets confusing and honestly I'm just glad that this is finally over. Check out my full review here

That is it. I hope you all heed my warning and stay far away from these Witchcraft flicks. I've seen a lot of crappy movies in my years but nothing comes close to these. This is without a doubt the worst franchise in cinematic history. 

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